X Big Brotherhood
by Anything but ordinary3
Summary: PG for language and Scott scenes of a distressing nature (if your a Scott fan that is!) Okay it's basically big brother with many familiar mutants! Please r n r! Who's cross dressing? Is that Bobby as Po? And Hank has a copy Kitty!
1. The housemates!

Discalimer: The mutant's featured were not harmed (much!) during the production of this fanfiction, so marvel can have them back in one piece (minus a limb or 2!) I made no profit out of 'em or the big brother format so please don't sue….i'm poor!! 

**X-Big brotherhood**

Contestants: Logan                    Rogue

                    Victor Creed         Remy Le Beau

                    Jean Grey             Scott Summers

                    Bobby Drake        Hank McCoy

                    Mystique               Eric Leshnerr

                    Jubilation Lee       Ororo Munroe

**Day 1 in the Big ****Brother****Mansion******

Jean in a desperate bid to make a good impression and to be centre of attention decides to open her cosmetics purse. Jean spends 10 minutes making herself pretty.

"Help!!" She yell's pawing at her eyes

Logan and Scott run into the room

"What's wrong Jean?" Scott asks tentatively

"My eyes…their glued shut!" Jean said walks forward and bumps into a bed

Rogue enters the room looking flushed "Awww, Jean you don't need to work while you're in the mansion, the whole idea of you coming in here was to keep you off of the corners!"

"Why you southern bitch!" Jean screams before remembering to be nice "I don't know what you mean!" She bat's her eyes despite them being glued shut

"Here darlin' let me help you out!" Snickt Wolverine approaches Jean claws waving about in front of him

Jean squeals and slams into the wall.

**5:25pm**** in the Big ****Brother****Mansion******

The housemates are having a discussion

"Wolverine smell's the worst!"

"No Victor does!"

"No Wolverine!"

"No Victor!"

"I drink cabbage water!" Bobby Drake butts into Mystique and Magneto's discussion

"Didn't Xavier ever tell you not to butt in boy?" Magneto demand's bucket firmly on head

"Well, I dunno he might have because all I hear when he talk's is blah de blah de blah!" Bobby thinks. "I know let's play imaginary tennis!"

"I know let's not!" Eric say's dryly

Bobby in a moment of inspiration aims an ice path at Eric's head, knocking off his er…helmet thing

"Why you little…"

**5:27pm******

Bobby has come to the diary room.

"How may Big Brother help Bobby?"

"Argh!" Bobby dives behind the famous big brother chair and cover's his ears with his hands "It's like the institute all over again…you get rid of one set of voices only for 'em to get replaced with more!" Bobby begins to weep

**7:15pm******

Ororo has been staring at the fish tank for the last half hour.

"Hey, everyone come look!! Marilyn's swimming past the castle!" Ororo yells eyes wide with wonderment

Jubilee and Bobby run over and sit by her 

"Oh, look at Kate or is that one Mary!" Jubilee said pointing at one of the goldfish as it floats on its side to the top of the tank.

Victor walks past and peers into the fish tank.

"That one's Mary" Ororo says giggling as the fish bob's to the surface.

Victor scoops out Mary and stuff's the fish in his mouth.

"Bad Kitty!" Bobby reprimands slapping Victor upside his head.

"Grrrrr!"

Ororo sob's "Mary was so young and innocent, why her Victor?" She clutches at his trousers "Why Mary? WHY?"

Victor merely coughs up Mary's bone and hand's them to Ororo apologetically before walking into the garden

"Don't worry Mary; we'll get you some new clothes real soon!" Jubilee assures the skeleton

**8:27pm******

Bobby and Jean are in the bathroom.

"Sure I can wash your hair just lean over the bowl!" 

"Really Bobby I never knew you could hair dress" Jean leans over the toilet bowl as ordered

"I'm a guy of hidden depths!" Bobby nods before flushing the chain and yelling "THAT'S YOUR PUNISHMENT FOR BEING A GEEK!!" 

**8:45PM**

"Bobby get ya butt in ere kid?" Logan yell's from the bathroom

Bobby bound's into the room 

"Now in this mansion there's one thing that we can't stand and that's idiots! Now lean over there and take your punishment like a man!" Logan growls, Bobby gulps.

Logan proceeds to flush Bobby's head in the toilet

"Now stand up and stop being such an idiot!"

"Yes sir!" Bobby salutes Logan

Logan sighs "Lean over again!" Logan flushes his head again "Will ya never learn kid?"

**9:02PM******

Remy and Rogue are in the garden with the chickens.

"Do you tink dat chicken food is poisonous Mon ami?" Remy asks looking longingly at the corn trough

"Course it ain't Swamp rat! Why else would tha chickens eat it?" Rogue begins to wander around the garden and Remy follows like an unwanted puppy. 

"D'ya ever wonder what's out dere?" Remy ask's with a nod towards the garden fence

"No" Rogue replies annoyed "I was only out there about 5 hours ago! Even you can't have forgotten what life was like before we came into the house!" 

"Remy never lived anywhere but eya" Remy sniff's, Rogue softens and pull's him into a hug.

"ARGH!" Remy slap's Rogues butt and gets thumped in his eye for the effort.

**9:06PM******

Jubilee is washing her underclothes in the bathroom. Scott Walks in.

"Hey there Cyke!" Jubilee greets holding up a thong

Scott blushes and stammers "Hi!"

"I didn't have time to wash these before I came into the mansions so, no prizes for guessing what I'm doing!" She waves a bra under Scott's nose

"I…er….needed to use the…um…bathroom facilities" Scott goes a deep crimson

"Knock yourself out!" Jubes continues so scrub her smalls, she stops when she notices that he hasn't moved "I've seen it all before! You know you've got to loosen up and become at one with your body!"

"I do!"

"Sure you do! You know it's your lucky day I can help you get over your inhibition's all you've got to do is carry out my instructions"

**9:17PM******

Scott is running around the mansion naked.

"D'ya want me to stop that flappin' for yer Summers?" Wolverine growls

Scott continues to terrorise the housemates by skipping around the kitchen "Jubilee you were right this really is liberating!" Scott says grabbing her hand and skipping around with her.

Hank McCoy look's up from the book he had smuggled into the mansion for the first time since he had entered "Oh my stars and garters! Is Scott….._Skipping?!" _

"Well I think it's beautiful!" Jean says crossing her arms defiantly as Victor and Eric clutch their side's in a bid to stop their sides from hurting due to the laughter.

""I've wandered around naked most of my life and no one ever said that they thought _I was beautiful!" Mystique moans_

"I did!" Victor stop's laughing

"That's only because you wanted to get your leg over!" 

"Oh yeah good point!" Victor concedes

"Well I think it's disgusting!" Wolverine growls

Ororo edges closer to the fish tank and gives a sidelong glance at Sabretooth "_Mary would have enjoyed this!"_

**9:38PM******

Hank has come to the diary room to speak to Big Brother

"Hello Hank!"

"Hey Big Brother!" Waves at the camera

"What would you like to speak about Hank?"

"I would just like to say that I think that everyone is trying to hard to put on a front, I'm the only one acting like I do outside of the mansion and well I like Jean, she's very natural. But I'm having trouble…er…using the bathroom facilities and I wondered if you had any laxatives, which my make my suffering less?"

"Hank Big Brother suggests that you drink the washing up liquid stored under the sink!"

"Thank you Big Brother!"

"Thank you Hank!"

"No thank you big brother!"

"Thank you Hank!"

"Thank you…."

"Hank get the hell out of here!"

**Day 2 in the Big ****Brother****Mansion******

**10:15AM******

Mystique is making breakfast for the housemates

"So when did you get into cooking Raven?" Jean asks

"Well, I kind of discovered it while I was nursing an infant Nightcrawler…."

"Was this before you dumped him in the river…." Storm asks intrigued

"It was a stream and yes! Anyway when my husband had found out I was a mutant so I had no one to cook for me except NightCrawler but I thought that would be a bit mean seeing as he was only a few weeks old so I had to do it for myself, I then discovered the delights of beans on toast and scrambled egg's and over the years my passion for it has grown aided by the like's of 'Delia Smith' and 'The Naked Chef'"

Scott run's through the kitchen "Did someone say naked?"

**11:55AM******

Hank, Bobby and Jubilee are playing with the washing line (which they have made into a skipping rope).

"So Blue have you had any luck in the bathroom department!" Jubes asks as she and Hank swing the rope for Bobby

"Alas dear Jubilation, there has been quite literally not a sniff!"

"So what do you think of the other housemates?"

"Victor smell's too much, Eric snores to loud, Scott's always naked and Wolverine swears too often! But I love them all!" Wink's in the direction of the camera on the garden fence

"Well I find that Jean's too nice you know like the eye of a storm and Mystiques has been there and done everything which makes me suspicious, I get the feeling that she's a liar! For example she said that Nightcrawlers her son!"

"Preposterous!"

**12:59PM******

The housemates are in the kitchen watching Eric bend spoons

"Ohhhh, that's amazing do it again!" Mystique demands

"You think that's amazing watch this!" Eric run's into the mansion garden and lift's a car up that is parked on the other side of the fence using his powers of magnetism, before waving it over the top of the housemates and then putting it back carefully on the other side of the fence.

Eric smiles proudly looking at his fellow housemates watching their reactions, they were decidedly unimpressed.

"Bend another spoon!" Mystique demands before adding "NOW!"

**1:27PM******

Eric (now under the nickname Maggie) is now entertaining the 'older' housemate by making animal shapes out of paperclips, while Victor entertains the younger ones (Jubilee and Bobby) by giving them piggy backs.

"Giddy up!" Bobby kick's Victor "Faster Kitty!"

Victor smiles "You got it!" He begins to run through the house and into the garden

"Hold onto his mane!" Jubilee instructs the less sane Bobby.

Logan comes to the diary room

"Hello Logan"

"Hello Big Brother, I'm kinda upset"

"Why's that Logan?"

"I get this horrible feeling that no one in the house likes me and that they…" Logan pauses to sniff and wipe his eyes "…and that they prefer Victor to me!" He lets go to uncontrollable sobbing "I'm sorry" He chokes out between sobs

**3:16PM******

"Okay so who squirted chocolate and washing up liquid down the toilet?" Scott asks glowering at Bobby who he assumes to be the culprit

Hank looks shamefaced "Ooopps did I forget to flush?"

"Hank, you can go mop up the bathroom floor which is now covered in foam!" Scott informs Hank hands on hips before he wanders around muttering about how disgusting the house and its occupants are.

**5:00PM******

Big brother has given the housemates paper and card so that they can make puppets of each other and perform a play. Victor has been giving the task of making a Logan puppet, and is making suggestions on funny moments in Logan's life which they could include in their show. Logan is glowering in the corner.

"Then there was the time he decided that in order to attract females he would cover himself in pheromones but in order to do his he rolled in pig shit!" 

The group erupts in laughter as Logan storms out of the room.

"Was it something I said?" Victor shrugs

**5:39PM******

"I am _NOT that fat!!" Jean yell's at Ororo "I mean...ahem…that's a very good puppet of me Ororo!" She smile sickeningly sweetly_

"Why thank you Jean…you know I feel I've really bonded with you your like the most genuine and nice person in the house." Ororo gushes

"Look, Ororo, look!" Bobby yells excitedly brandishing an ice cube

"What's that Bobby?" 

"It's me!" He announces proudly

"Sorry?"

"It's the puppet Jubes made of me, it's such a striking resemblance don't you think?" Bobby holds the ice cube next to his head "Awww….I'm beginning to melt!"

**7:09PM******

As a reward for their puppet task big brother has given the housemates vast quantities of alcohol.

"Wolvieeee, over heeerrrre!" Jubes squeals (drunk after only a sip of Hank's bear).

Logan walks over to the group comprised of Hank, Bobby and Jubes.

"Welcome to the group merry Sir!" Hank salutes Logan

Logan nods "Seems ol' Creed over there's got everyone eatin' outta his paw" 

"We aren't fooled by them over there" Bobby announces triumphant

Jubilee nods in agreement "Raven's full of shit"

Camera switches to where Mystique is telling the other housemates about her villa in Italy and her Spanish lover with a big…er…

Camera zooms back to Jubilee

"Eric's pretending to be nice while really he's plotting…"

Camera shifts to watch Eric who is stroking his chin deep in thought

Back to Jubilee "…and Jeans only pretending to be that nice!"

"I agree and I think that the Cajun over there has a thing for Rogue!" Wolverine says pointing

"Oohhhh we never noticed that before!" Jubilee extends her hand to Logan "Welcome to the sanity club!"

**8:55PM******

"Hello petite!" Remy sidles along the couch closer to Rogue

"Get lost swamp rat"

"Is Gambit sensin' hostility from da belle?"

"No it's just you've eaten cheese and onion crisps and a clove of garlic so your breath stinks!"

"Mmm…did you not know dat Garlic is an aphrodisiac?" Breaths on Rogues neck

"Is it?"

"I don't know! It sounded right tho didn't it?"

"Get a life!" Rogue gets up and sits by Eric "So sugah how're you enjoyin' life on tha inside?"

Eric puts his arm across Rogues shoulder "It's been incredibly enlightening my dear, you know to see how the other half live and all!"

"You know for an older guy you really are…."

"Yes" Eric leans closer

"…you know…erm_ Sexy." Rogue blushes "There I said it you happy now!" She then stomps out of the living area _

**Day 3 in the Big ****Brother****Mansion******

Its eviction day in the Big Brother Mansion and tension is running high.

"It's my bloody cereal!"

"Well it's my milk!" Ororo and Rogue argue over a bowl of cereal

"If you tell 'em one more thing about our time in Weapon X then…" Snickt

"You don't scare me runt!" Victor growls back at Logan

"Tag your it!" Bobby tag's Hank who chases Jubilee

Every one stop's what they are doing and stare _"SCOTT PUT SOME CLOTHES ON!!" _They yell all together

"But it helps my nerves!"

"_Get!!"_

"Okay! Okay I'm going sheesh all I wanted to do was relieve the tension!" Scott walks dejectedly back to the boy's bedroom

"Ewwww….look's like he's been in a freeze!" Eric comments

"No it was always like that even when we were teenagers!" Jean wiggles her pinkie

**1:15PM**** Eviction time**

Bobby enters the Diary room suspiciously

"Hello Big Brother!"

"Hello Bobby, would you give the name of the 2 people you are nominating and the reason for this!"

"Okay the first person I'm nominating is Mystique because she's too been there done that, I'm the mutant bike for me!" He pauses before continuing "My second nomination is Eric because I feel he's trying to prove something with the goody two shoes bendy spoons!"

"Thank you Bobby that will be all"

"Thank you big brother"

"Errmmm….Bobby that's a wall, you might want to try the door!"

"Oh yeah that's right I do the ice thing, Kitty Prydes the one who can do the walls!" 

Eric floats into the diary room wearing his helmet and cape.

"Hello Eric will you tell us the 2 people your nominating and why you are nominating them?"

"Okay! First of all I would like to nominate Victor because he has hygiene level's lower then Toads and he is also stole my limelight with his piggy back rides which I thought was off! And the second person I would like to nominate is Scott, because he walks around nude too often and I feel this is a bid to win the voting public over, and I swear he was trying to crawl into bed with me last night!"

"Thank you Eric!"

Hank swing's through the door King Louie style, and lands into the chair with ease.

"Right, the first person I choose is Mystique because she said Nightcrawlers her son and I don't believe her and the next person I want rid of is Jean because she's so nice and sweet I live in constant fear of cavities"

Leap frogs off of chair and into the door

Jean Grey enters the diary room flicking her red hair and pouting.

"Okay big Brother my first nomination is Ororo because she spends all the time she could be speaking to me talking to the fish and also because her boobs are bigger then mine. My second choice is Mystique for the same reasons!"

She then flounces out of the diary room, twisting her ankle when she tries to wiggle her bum.

Jubilee peers around the door before diving into the chair and blowing a spit bubble (she ran out of chewing gum last night!).

"My first nomination is Jean Grey because I fell she is hiding her true feeling's and personality from the group and my second choice is Mystique because she's a liar"

Jubilee curtseys before leaving the room

Logan strut's into the room before sitting on the chair, leg hooked over the arm crotch exposed (audience drools).

"I want rid of Scott because I may end up castrating him and then get rid of Victor because the guy's a dick!"

"Can you elaborate at all?"

Snikt

"Okay you can go!" Big Brother gulps

Mystique enters the room under the guise of Saddam Hussein before changing back.

"Ha! Fooled you!" She giggles for a minute "Okay my first nomination is Jean Grey because she came in wearing yellow when she should realise that it clashes with her hair and secondly it's Scott because he skips around naked seemingly unaware of the health and hygiene threat he poses!"

Strolls out of Diary room as Blob but can't fit through door and changes back again

Ororo walk's in normally…strange I know!

"Well, I think Kate should go because she won't let Freddy near the castle…."

"Ororo you are aware that you can't vote for the fish?"

"Oh right….well…in that case it will have to be Mystique because she's competition right? And then Jean not because she's competition but because she's so bloody thick! See ya!"

Remy walks into the diary room with his trench coat on.  
"Aren't you hot in that?!" Big Brother asks before realising he said it "Ahem I mean you're two nominations and the reasons?"

"Gambit would like ta nominate Jean Grey because she shouted at the belle Rogue on da first day and secondly would be Scott because Gambit felt his hand under my sheets last night!"

Gambit walks out "Au revoir!"

Rogue barges into diary room and slumps down on the chair

"Okay first of all the Swamp rats gotta go cause he's always drooling' and making' people slip over and secondly would be Mystique because she speak's to Eric way to familiar like an' it makes me mad!"

She gets up and stomps out

Big Brother sighs 'Moody Bitch'

Scott come's in dressed in a loin cloth.

"I want to get shot of Logan because he just sits glowering all day and moans when I let the fresh air at my nether regions and secondly it would be Eric because he accused me of being gay I tried to get in…er…forgot which bed was mine!" Scott pauses seriously before breaking into a grin and waving foolishly "Hey Professor!"

Victor stalks into the room with a growl

"Get rid of Logan because he's got _my adamantium skeleton and Scott because he's a pansy!" _

Victor then walked out with a delighted purr.

**Announcement to the housemates**

"The house mates up for eviction this week are…………………………………………............... in alphabetical order……..Jean Grey…."

Jean promptly bursts into tears and yells angrily "You've never had it so good!"

"…………..well er quite…..ahem………Mystique…."

Mystique shift's into Apocalypse "Feel my wrath" She announces before looking at everyone face "I'm done" she sits down

"…………………and Scott!"

"Nooooo! Maybe I haven't show enough flesh" He muses out loud


	2. The 1st eviction

**Day 4 In the Big ****Brother****Mansion******

**12:45am******

Scott in a bid to stay in the house is running around nude and freshly shaven.

Bobby has just woken up and looks at the naked Scott and begins to drool "Sausages!"

"OW!" Scott yelps "Bobby please don't do that again!"

**12:59am******

In order to bond with his rival in the house Logan is having a nude session in the hot tub with Victor and Hank has joined them.

"Hank you're getting blue fur all in the water!" Victor moans

"Well you've made the water brown but do you hear me complaining?" Hank asks

"He's gotta point bub!" 

"I wasn't aware that the hot tub had a built in Jacuzzi!" Hank exclaimed as bubbles burst to the surface

Victor blushes 

Scott runs up, naked and excited (not that kind of excited get your head out of the gutter…sheesh!) "Can I come in too?"

All the guy's in the hot tub "NO!"

Scott walks off dejected.

Camera pans to the bushes where Jubilee, Jean, Ororo, and Rogue are hiding.

"You getting a load of your man over there's body?" Ororo giggles to Jean

"Mmm…Scott is rather masculine"

The other females look at Jean as if she's grown a spare head "EW!"

"Actually I was referring to Logan! Get a load of his pecks!" Ororo giggles excitedly again

"How can you tell though all that hair? He's fuzzier than Hank!" Jean peers over the hedge

"Yummy something to get stuck in your teeth….or floss with!" Jubilee giggles everyone stares at her in disgust.

"Ah think that they shoulda asked the swamp rat to join 'em" Rogue sulks

"You fancy him don't you?" Jubilee asks with keen perception…well compared to the other 3!

"Ah do not! Ah am just interested in his figure is all!" 

"Roguey's gotta boyfriend Roguey's gotta boyfriend!" Jubilee sings before getting thumped around the head

"Ow!"

"Aww….bless look at Scott he's got a bit of dirt on his cheek!" Jean runs off licking her thumb ready to help groom her boyfriend

Mystique walks over "Is that Victor…naked?" Swoons

"Yes"

"I haven't seen a sight as nice as that since Graydon's conception!"

"Ew Ew Ew! More information than we needed Mystique!" Jubilee spits on the floor trying to force out the images…hey a girl deals with these things in her own way.

"Well I'm going to go join them!" 

"Mystique ya crazy Sugah! Look it's…naked…men!" Rogue says in astonishment

"What have I got to lose?" Mystique shoot's over her shoulder as she marches over to the hot tub.

**2:43PM******

The group are in the garden sunbathing and swimming. The female housemates are all giving Mystique the silent treatment for stealing the male housemates attention, Jean and Rogue appear to be the ring leaders.

 Rogue sits up abruptly on her sun bed "Lynch her!" She points at where Mystique is sunbathing topless

Jean grabs a pitch fork used to clean the chickens out.

"Don't you think that's taking it a bit far ladies?" 

Hanks question is met by a group scowl (and who said that these girls aren't bonding?)

Mystique walks past and stops in front of Rogue "Reminder _ladies_ hating me won't make you pretty! Besides just because I flirt doesn't mean that I'm interested!"

"That makes it so much better does it?" Jean asks angrily

"I don't know why you give a damn ginge it isn't like I _would even look at that pathetic excuse of a man!" Mystique motions over at Scott who is wearing pink Speedo's._

"Oh! She does have a point!" Rogue concedes

"And what does _that mean?" Jean fumes_

All the girl's suddenly become interested in the cleaning of the chicken coup for the first time since entering the house.

**7:56PM******

Eric's powers are on the blink.

"ARGH! The paper clips….they're attacking sniff me!" Bobby squeals hiding behind Hank

"I really do apologise for this!" Eric says with a blush before the metal toaster flies at him and sticks to his head.

"I really wouldn't come into the kitchen…main living area…place if I was you Logan!" Victor yell's in the direction of the bedroom where Logan was sleeping

Logan pokes his head around the door "Why?" 

Logan suddenly begins hurtling towards Eric's head that's to the magnetic force. 

"Eric do something!" Bobby squeals like a pig.

"I'm trying!" 

"DUCK!"

Clunk

"Ow!"

"You know Maggie it's a good thing that you where that bucket on your head who knows what would have happened or else!"

**Day 5 in the Big Brother Mansion A.K.A Eviction Day!!**

**9:37AM******

Bobby awakes the rest of the housemates with his screams of terror.

Victor runs over to give the kid a hug!

"He's playin' fer votes!" Logan growls to Eric who nods sagely

"What's wrong Bobby?" Victor asks

"I had dream where I ate a 10 pound marshmallow" Bobby gulps dryly "And…" he falters clearly distressed "…and when I woke up my pillow was gone and now I'm spitting feathers" He demonstrated coughing feathers all over Victor.

"Argh get them off! Get them off!" Victor claws at his face

**11:13AM******

Remy is discussing the merits of Tequila with Hank.

"You'll never get to heaven if you abuse alcohol to such an extent!" Hank points out

"Well maybe Gambit don't wanna go to heaven if there's no Tequila there!" Gambit sulks folding his arms over his chest.

Hank changes the topic dropping his voice to a whisper "Who do you think will be evicted tonight?"

Remy smiles confidently "It will be that flasher guy!"

"Who Scott?"

"Umm…I tink dats his name yes."

They sit in silence for a couple of seconds.

"How are things going between you and Rogue?"

"Dis Cajun ain't gonna waste anymore time chasin' dat gal, if we were meant to chase dem don't you think dat God would have made 'em worth chasin'?" Remy asks bitterly

"But I thought that you really liked her…mumph!" Remy clasps a hand over Hank's mouth

"Ssshhh…keep it quiet will you! I don't want her to know, it will ruin my plan!"

"What plans that then?" Hank asks when Remy removes his hand

"The I ain't interested in you so you'll have to make the first move plan!"

"Oh…er…okay!"

**12:48AM******

Rogue and Hank are talking in the bathroom.

"The Swamprat said what?!"

"I don't think that I should have told you that!" Hank says slapping his head

Rogue marches out of the kitchen to where Remy is sat in the garden.

"Bonjour!" Remy greets her

Whack!

Rogue punches Remy making his nosebleed

"You know belle when me and you met the Angels whispered perfect!"

**3:22PM******

Jubilee has gone out to feed the chickens.

"Hi Charlene, hey Niksheeta, hello Carmel, how's it going Sylvia, laid any eggs recently Bertha, howdy Kevin…" Jubilee greets the chickens "…hey where's Catherine?"

The camera pans to where Victor is pulling brown feathers out of his mouth.

"Victor have you seen Catherine?" Jubilee asks

Victor smiles a feathery smile while shaking his head innocently, before coughing up a chicken leg.

"Oh okay she must have flown away!"

**6:01PM**** Eviction time**

The housemate are gathered in the sitting area

"The first housemate to be evicted from the Big Brother Mansion is ….. MYSTIQUE!"

"What?!" Mystique cries outraged

"Mystique you have an hour to gather your belongings and say your goodbyes!"

Mystique shape shifts to look like Bobby and joins the real Bobby in his marathon around the house. After 5 minutes the housemates can no longer tell Mystique apart from Bobby.

"Well one of them is going to have to go!" Jean says arms folded over her chest

**6:30PM******

The housemates are quizzing the 2 Bobby's in order to tell them apart. 

"Okay draw what you dreamed about last night"

Both Bobby's drew huge marshmallows

"Umm…draw…er…what you're thinking of right now"

"Eric how is that going to help?"   
"Can you think of any better questions?"

"Point taken!"

Hank raises his hand "I can!"

"Go ahead!"

"Draw Abraham Lincoln"

One Bobby drew the former president of the U.S.A and one drew a guinea pig.

"That's the impostor" Hank said pointing at the one who drew Abraham Lincoln as the former president

"How did you know?" Mystique asked changing back to her blue scaly self.

"Quite simple my dear A) the real Bobby hasn't got a clue who the real Abraham Lincoln was B) that's Bobby's Guinea pigs name!"

**7:00PM******

Mystique exit's the Big Brother house leaving the male housemates distraught and inconsolable.

"I'm gonna miss that girl's boobys!" Victor sighs

"Really Gambit's gonna miss her cute butt!" 

Thump!

"Ow!"

Rogue marches out of the room leaving Remy with a black eye

"She loves me…she just don't know it yet!"

**8:36PM******

The male house mates have all squashed into the diary room (minus Bobby who is shelling peas) to speak to Big Brother.

Logan steps forward as the spokesperson "We want Mystique back…"

The males blink expectantly at the camera

"…or a stripper same thing really, what evers easier" Logan adds

"Big Brother will consider your question and get back to you"

The guy's mutter a thank you and are just about to leave the diary room when Big Brother continues "I thought about it and the answer is no!" Big brother breaks down into hysterical laughter

"Come again bub!"

"NO!"

Snickt "You might want ta reconsider!"

Big Brother continues laughing, Logan advances on the camera and the screen dissolves into static.

The guys leave the diary room where Eric hits Logan on the head "You've killed Big Brother you knucklehead!"

_Thanks to Chicken and NCSGirl the ONLY people two review me! So if you read it or want someone kicked out please review, its only polite after all!_


	3. Nominations again!

**Ok disclaimer as seen in 1st chapter.**

Thanks to Chaosgoat and NCSGirl (as always) for reviewing me! Please if you read this review me else it may not continue much longer coz I find it really hard to write and get motivated for.

_Oh and NCSGirl there will be one more chapter guaranteed with pixie sticks for Bobby and Jubes! And we both know who's leaving in that chapter winks!_

**Day 6 in the Big Brother mansion nomination day**

**7:01AM******

Logan has come to the diary room to check on big brother. He pokes head around door.

"Hello Logan"

Logan jumps and runs from diary room to the boy's bedroom and begins shaking Eric awake.

"What?!" Eric asks angrily

"I told you I didn't kill big brother!" Logan announces triumphantly

Logan suddenly gets slammed against the wall by Eric using his powers of magnetism.

Logan runs his head "Sheesh remind me not to speak to you until you've had your coffee in the morning!"

**8:25AM******

Eric has come to the diary room 

"Hello Eric!"

"Hello Big Brother, I've come to you about two things really, firstly about arranging some kind of intravenous tube filled with coffee so I can absorb it quicker."

"That would be against Big brother rule 2876 which clearly states that no kind of intravenous can be hooked up to housemates for their personal gain."

Eric shakes his head "The world's gone crazy!"

"The second thing?" Big Brother prompts

"Ahhh, my housemates seem to be lacking direction and momentum and I feel that they would benefit from some strong domination, perhaps mind control, I know a good psychic you know! Any way I thought it would be a good way to get them to bow down before me! Either that or face the genocide I was saving for homo sapien"

"You already know the answer to that question don't you Eric?"

Erics face is filled with hope

"NO! It strictly says in rule 3745 that no housemates can dominate, or inflict genocide other house mates!"

"Spoil sports!"

**9:49AM******

Bobby has come to the diary room.

"My my aren't I popular today?" Big brother says dryly

Bobby seems oblivious to big brothers comments and carries on "Well firstly I thought I'd ask if we could have a litter box and a leash?"

"Why do you need that Bobby?"

"Well if I'm going to keep Victor as a pet I really need some things for him, oh and some toy mice and catnip would be good as well!"

"Big Brother will see what we can do!" The voice say amused

"Secondly I would like to tell you about my dream, because when I tried to tell Eric he hit me over the head with a frying pan and Rogue threatened to throw me over the fence." Pauses for dramatic effect before continuing. "Ok I'll set the scene for you, I am in a shop and I need a new calendar so I browse as you do when I came across a…." Stops to arrange a look of horror on his face "…Scott appreciation calendar, but get this in all of the pictures Scott is…._fully clothed. Then the next thing I know I'm being swamped by a load of toothless old dears…" Sniffs, the memory obviously upsets him "…wearing I Love Scott Summers t-shirts, the next thing I know I'm awake, sweating and very _very _afraid!"_

"Do you need counselling?"

Bobby scowls "No!"

**12:56AM******

Big brother has supplied Bobby with a cat grooming kit, a lead, a litter box, cat toys and a crate of cat food. Bobby is now showing off his new pet (Victor) to Jubilee.

"Ahhh, bless! Isn't he so cute yes he is he's so cute!!" Jubilee coo's tickling Victors belly, well until something catches his eye and he stalk's off and pounces on the purple mouse toy.

"He's a predator!" Bobby informs her proudly.

"I want one! All my pets run away, like my chicken Catherine!" Jubilee sniffs at the memory

Victor stops batting the mouse with his 'paws' and looks guilty before resuming his activity.

An idea hits Bobby causing him to lose his balance.

"I know where you can get a wolf!!"

"Goody!" Jubilee claps her hands in childish glee

**2:25PM******

"Get the hell off a me kid!" Logan growls swatting at his head

Jubilee blinks sadly "Bobby's Kitty gives him piggy backs why can't you Lucky?"

"Fer one fing I ain't yer pet!"

"Yes you are your Lucky my pet wolf!"

"No! I'm the scary killer guy from the X-men!"  
"Lucky the wolf!"

"Killer!"

"Lucky the wolf"

"Kill...ow!" Jubilee hits Logan on the head

"Bad Lucky! Sit!" Logan sits Jubilee smiles triumphantly

**5:31PM******

The housemates (minus Victor who is in the kitchen using his litter tray) are by the pool, where Jean is feeding Scott and Rogue is hitting Remy for trying to grope her.

"Lucky go fetch!" Jubilee throws a ball

Logan growls at her from his sun bed

"Okay Okay I'll show you what to do! I understand that you've never been trained, hence your little accident on the floor yesterday!" Jubilee skips off to fetch the ball.

Hank is discussing the fish with Ororo.

"I know they seem to be afraid of the castle! And you know what Mary never recovered from her swim in Victor's mouth, he must have acid breath!" Ororo looks close to tears.

"Those new clothes we got her didn't help then!" Jubilee asks Ororo as she trots back with the ball she threw for 'Lucky'.

**Nomination time**

Bobby Drake enters the diary room on an ice slide

"I wanna nominate Eric because he attacked me with paper clips the other day and my 2nd nomination will be for Jean because she keeps offering to change my nappy and I can manage quite fine by myself!"

"Thank you Bobby!"

Bobby makes an ice sculpture of himself and sits it in the chair before leaving.

Eric floats into the diary room with a big spade stuck to his head. He looks at the ice sculpture in the chair and decides to stand.

"The first person that I would like to nominate for eviction is Scott because he is constantly naked in the chicken run and this a) treads chicken mess into the house b) can not be hygienic to say nothing of being unpleasant for the chickens!  And my second nomination is for Jean Grey because she treats the fore mentioned naturist as a baby and does everything for him!"

"Thank you Eric!"

Eric prizes the shovel off of his head and dumps it on the floor as he leaves.

Hank enters the diary room fur full of sticky Twinkie wrappers; he too looks at the ice sculpture puzzled.

"Sorry Bobby I didn't realise you were in here!" 

Hank begins to leave but Big Brother calls him back.

"Okay the first nomination! It would have to  be Jean again because Bobby, Jubilation and I all feel she is a witch, with a hidden agenda, I mean have you seen the woman with a broom she's a menace prodding and poking me and sweeping everything in sight, to say nothing of flying over the garden on the damn thing!" He speaks faster and faster before taking a deep breath and continuing "My second nomination is against Scott simply because the other day he came into the pool naked with urine still dripping from a certain part of his body!"

Hank throws a Twinkie wrapper on the floor by the spade.

Jean Grey enters the diary room arms folded and shakes her head at the childishness of Bobby Drake.

"First nomination is for Remy because he never pays anyone else any attention except for Rogue." Jean looks bored "2nd nomination for Rogue for hogging Remy's attention!"

Leaves the diary room muttering about bringing her broom in the diary room to clean it up.

Jubilee bounces into the diary room takes one look at the chair and begins to sob.

"Oh no Bobby…Your head it's half melted, don't worry I will get you to a freezer I promise!" 

"Ahem your nominations!"

Jubilee instantly forgets about Bobby's state and grins evilly "My first nomination is for Victor because he is a better pet then Lucky and I'm jealous and if I can't have a cool pet then why should Bobby!" She shoots a guilty look at the sculpture "Though he may be my pet soon if you keep melting like that! Anyway my 2nd nomination is fir Jean Grey because she's as false as the colour of her hair and the length of her nails"

Leaves diary room but not before sticking her pink bubblegum to what is left of the sculptures forehead.

Logan enters the diary room with a scowl (maybe due to the dog flea collar around his neck).

"Get rid of Jubilee because she thinks I'm a wolf and get rid of Bobby for telling her I'm a wolf!"

He then stalks out   

Ororo dances in and sings for 5 minutes before remembering why she is there.

"Well I don't like to nominate anyone but…" Drops to a gossipy whisper "… I think Jean should go because those Boobs are not natural have you noticed the way that they never bounce? Oh and Scott well he definitely needs to visit one of those websites that keep sending me those emails about getting a huge monster if you know what I mean!"

She then wanders out of the diary room humming while looking around as if seeing everything for the first time.

Remy comes into the diary room wearing an 'I love Rogue' t-shirt!

"Gambit wanna nominate Jean because she tink she prettier den Rogue an' Ororo because she too is female like my Roguey so she should leave to eliminate all competition for my beauty!"

Remy leaves singing Whitney Houston "I will always love you"

Rogue enters the diary room angrily

"Ah nominate that Swamp rat Remy cause he keeps hittin' on me! An' I wanna pound pretty gal Jean into tha ground but this is the second best thing!"

Slams the door behind her

Scott walks into the diary room and sits on the chair where the ice sculpture has now fully melted and sits down.

"Aw now Jeans going to moan at me because I've got my trousers wet!" He continues sadly "My first nomination is for Jea…er…she told me she'd kill me if she ever found out I nominated her…so Logan because he has better muscle definition than me and he is ancient, Eric ditto oh and both of their Willy Wonka Bars…if you know what I mean…are bigger then mine!"

"Ew…I mean thank you Scott!"

Scott leaves and the cry from the other housemates of "Scott's wet him self again!" can be heard from the diary room as….

Victor walks in choking on a fur ball.

"I want to get rid of the one with chicken legs coz he makes me hungry…" he gropes for the persons real name

"Scott?" Big Brother supplies helpfully 

"That's it!" Victor smiles a big toothy grin "and the 2nd one I want rid of is that goody goody red head frail…um Jean because her cooking stinks horrible and we all have to pretend to like it!"

**Announcement to the housemates**

"The housemates up for eviction this week are…"

The camera scans all the anxious faces of the housemates; well they're all anxious except for Bobby and Victor as Bobby amuses Victor with a ball of string.

"….in alphabetical order…..Jean Grey….and…..Scott Summers!"

Scott rips off his trousers in disgust, while Jean flies around the room on her broomstick cackling evilly while telling them "I'll get you back you little toads!"

Remember it is your duty if you have read this and want to see more to review or else this won't be continued and will probably get deleted!


	4. 2nd Evition Will it be Scott or Jean?

**Disclaimer: Stan Lee dya wanna swop these guys for the toothless old tramp that does Morris dancing outside the Disney shop? ….NO….Oh well none of these are mine, unfortunately!**

Thank you faithful reviewers, this isn't as good as I had hoped but I complied with your wishes and Jean is gone, and I did try to add more Bobby and Hank but don't know if I have succeeded or not again let me know!!

So many thanks to NCS Girl (for your constant support), No Name Kid, Oracles Maiden (as always), Savage, Laurahaiel, and Rogue Heart!

_Now on with the show!!_

**Day 7 in the ****Big****Brother****Mansion**** Eviction day!**

**10:36AM******

One of the house mates (i.e. Hank) has given the two youngest Housemates (known as Jubilee and Bobby) Pixie sticks as a way to insure that a certain secret (or not as Bobby and Jubilee have found it) Twinkie stash remains 'secret'.

Bobby is now bouncing on the sleeping forms in the girl's bedroom, singing the 'Spiderman' theme tune.

The female housemates hurl a tirade of abuse, except for Jean who is making what looks suspiciously like a voodoo's of the other housemates

Bobby stops on Rogues bed and begins jumping up and down on her legs. 

Thump

Bobby is now on the floor scratching his head in puzzlement "Ow, why d'ya do that?"

"Because a gals gotta get her beauty sleep!"

"Geez you can say that again, I mean no offence ladies but your all looking a bit, kinda red and upset!"

"I wonder why that is?" Storm asks sarcastically.

Bobby shrugs and begins screaming the Spiderman theme again.

In the boys bedroom Jubilee is dressed in Bobby's clothes and creeping towards Logan's bed in the manner of 'Steve Irwin, Crocodile hunter'. She has spotted her prey and is crawling through the undergrowth (an assortment of socks, Y-fronts and boxers) and looks over her shoulder making 'Shhhing' actions at the camera.

"Here we have the wolf man in his natural habitat, we must proceed with caution as these fella's are mighty dangerous."

She lifts the bed covers and peers at Logan's naked sleeping form "Crikey Mate! It's a big fella!" 

Unfortunately she says this way too loud, especially considering Logan's good hearing.

Logan sits bolt upright "Bobby what the hell are you doing?"

"Crikey this fella's mighty angry!" Jubilee says to the camera in the corner of the room.

"Jubilee!" Snickt

"ARGH!"

Back in the girl's bedroom, Bobby has had a makeover.

"Look at my long luxurious lashes!" He says fluttering them in the mirror "You know Rogue you sure know your way around a make up case!"

**11:59AM******

Bobby and Jubilee have both topped up on pixie sticks and are now screeching that they are to be henceforth known as Tinky Winkie and Po respectively.

"Which idiot gave these two hooligans the bloody stuff in the first place?" Eric asks angrily over the childish shrieks.

Hank looks guilty but keeps quiet.

Jubilee hits Logan around the head "Lucky where is my morning newspaper?"

Logan growls.

"Bad Lucky" She smacks him harder this time "Why can't you be more like Bobby's kitty?"

Jubilee stalks off singing "How much is that doggy in the window"

Bobby however remains with the other housemates in the sitting area. He spots Hank and runs over jumping up and down on the spot excitedly.

"Hi Hank, Hi Hank, Hi Hank!"

"Hello Bobby" Looks around suspiciously

"D'ya wanna play twister?"

"We don't have a twister set in the house Bobby!" 

"Spoil sport" Bobby whistles and calls to 'Kitty'

Victor slinks into the room.

Bobby climbs onto his back proclaiming that they are going 'show jumping'

**1:05 PM******

Jubilees request for an electric dog collar for Lucky has been granted, she is now trying to get close enough to 'Lucky' in her hyperactive and jerky state to put it onto him.

"Coowweeee I've got a present for you Lucky!"

"Get lost kid!"

Jubilee jumps up from behind the sofa as Logan walks past and jumps onto his back clinging on for dear life as Logan spins this way and that. Jubilee finally succeeds in jamming the collar around his neck. 

She jumps off of him and demands that he sit, Logan glowers at her.

Zzzz "Argh!" Logan gets an electric shock from his collar. Snickt

"Argh!" Jubilee runs sobbing from the room as her 'pet' attacks her.

**1:07 PM******

Jubilee is sobbing into Hanks fur in the girl's bedroom.

"…Now I think he needs neutering, and I don't want to hurt the little fella but he is impossible to train!"

Hank pats her back comfortingly "Maybe Lucky isn't the kind of pet you need"

"But I love Lucky and I don't want to send him to one of those re-homing centres where they put the vicious ones down because he wouldn't last a day with his mood swings, your fur is lovely and soft, you know!"

Jubilee strokes Hank losing her train of thought.

Meanwhile Bobby and Victor (or 'Kitty') are jumping over brooms.

Splash! They fall at the water jump and end up in the swimming pool.

"Awww Kitty doesn't like water!" Bobby says before remembering that he isn't sure how to swim and begins floundering "Help!" He goes under

Kitty swims over to his owner and grips the denim on his jeans between his teeth as he pulls him out onto the side of the pool and shakes the water droplets off of his fur.

"Thank you Kitty!" Bobby gasps "I really love you!" He hugs Victor tight

**1:38PM**

With eviction time closing in on the group Scott and Jean are spending a quiet moment sat in the chicken coup, on the nests.

"It will be one of us Scott and we shall not be together no matter who goes it's a real shame!" Jean sobs

Scott it seems sighs in relief, before realising he's supposed to be upset.

"Scott I just don't know how I'm going to cope when you are gone!" Jean laments

"Who's saying it's me who's going?" Scott asks angrily

"Well you really are very boring Scott!" Jean says rubbing his back from her nest

"That comes from witch woman! Hey at least the audience is seeing the real Scott Summers!"

"I think they would rather see less of you, keep stripping off at a drop of a pin, really you won't get the public on your side that way!"

"Better then pretending to be nice when your secretly putting curses on people" Scott glowers

"How the hell do you know that? Don't tell me your bloody psychic too, the world is over run with them nowadays, you just can't be unique when you are telepath any more!" Jean fumes

Scott hears a pin drop (don't ask how) and begins to strip off.

"Well I just wanted to know that you'll be waiting for me when you go, and that you are prepared to wait to the bittersweet end after all I'm going to win, just look at the saps in the house they have no idea!"

Scott peers out of the bob hole entrance to the nesting area.

**2:01PM******

Scott and Jean emerge from the chicken coup, Scott minus his clothes.

"Scott is that chicken shit stuck to your er…thing?" Ororo asks with a regal blush.

Scott picks it off and sniffs "Yep!"

**4:55PM******

Jubilee and Bobby are now on the rampage for food, having devoured only pixie sticks for the whole day. They have decided to pay a visit to Hanks mattress.

They lift up the mattress and behold the piles of Twinkies (albeit flattened) that shone with an almost radioactive glow.

"Take as many as you can and meet me in the garden pronto!" Bobby says using his t-shirt as a basket and filling it with a lot of Twinkies

The pair head, laden with Hanks Twinkies to the girl's bedroom.

**5:31PM******

"Oh my stars and garters!!!" Hank yells "I can not believe it, POLICE, POLICE, there is a thief in our midst!"

Eric, Rogue, Remy and Scott come in to see what all the commotion is all about.

"Hank, sugah, what's goin' on?" Rogue asks concern in her voice

"The tragedy, it's unbearable!" Hank sobs hairy head in hands  
"Come on chere tell Gambit all bout it!" Remy says more because he wants to know the gossip then through actual concern for the blue mutant

"They've stolen…MY TWINKIES!!" 

The people in the room gasp as their hands fly to their mouths 

"Who would commit such a horrendous crime?" Eric asks.

"Well it's one of the housemates that's for sure!" Hank says glowering at the housemates gathered in his bedroom

"It wasn't Remy chere; I was wit da belle eya all day!" Remy protests hands in the air

"Unfortunately he was, ah couldn't shake the swamp rat off of me!" Rogue says bitterly

"And I would never partake in such an unmoral act!" Eric insists arms folded over chest.

"Then if it wasn't you my most excellent companions then who was it?" Hank asks distraught

"I don't know sugah, I honestly don't know. We must be living with some real beasts….no offence hon! Whoever it was ahm gonna help ya catch 'em!"

The group enter the sitting area to size up the suspects.

Jean is sat with her hand on Scott's naked thigh, drawing jealous glances from Logan (Jeans hand that is not Scott's naked specimen).

"It can't be them, Jean and Logan would never be able to have held them down in there stomachs with naked Scott sat right before their eyes" Eric whispers "Plus it can't have been Scott because he hasn't got the imagination"

"True, True"

The wander towards the fish tank where Ororo is talking to the fish and Victor is watching the fish drooling slightly.

"Ororo have you seen any Twinkies anywhere?" Hank asks politely

Storms shakes her head but continues talking to the fish.

"She hasn't moved away from the fish tank all day it can't have been her, besides she refuses to go into the guy's bedroom" Hank sums up in his best Poirot voice

"Victor!" 

All glances fall upon Bobby's pet

Victor drags his eyes away from the fish tank briefly.

"What?" 

"My Twinkies was it you?" 

"Do they bleed?" Victor asks head on one side

"No…well…"

"Well if it ain't meat I don't eat it!"

"That leaves only two people!" Eric does his maths quickly

"I can't believe it their my best friends in this whole damn mansion!" Hank sniffs tears welling up in his eyes

The enter the girls bedroom hearing muffled giggling and the familiar rustle of wrappers

"I can't believe that you would betray me like this, you couldn't have betrayed me more if you had nominated me!" Hank says sadly Rogue rubs his back comfortingly

"T'wasn't utthh!" Bobby mumble's cheeks bulging with Hanks hidden treats

"Then what are you eating and why is the room littered with wrappers!" Hank is beginning to get angry now

"We were framed!" Jubilee says innocently

"I want my lawyer!" Bobby demands before giggling uncontrollably.

**6:30PM Eviction Time**

"The second person to be evicted from the Big Brother mansion will be….."

Jean mouths Scott and is shocked when:  
"Jean Grey" 

"What I don't believe it!" Jean rants rage flaming in her eyes

Scott smiles quietly

Logan jumps off of the sofa "NNNnnnnoooooooo!"

He runs over to Jean and hugs her, they kiss. Camera pans to Scott who is now positively beaming, giving big Brother the feeling that everything is not all hunky dory in the Summers/Grey relationship!

**7:00PM******

Jean has just left the house leaving a distraught Logan who runs to the diary room.

"Big Brother is it a conspiracy?" He asks red faced

 "Sorry…."

"Well all the good looking women are being kicked out, is the voting public determined to make me celibate?" Logan sniffs "How am I gonna cope?"

Ok so what's going to happen next, a task? Who know's you decide!

Oh and please keep the reviews going, any request for what will happen in the future, please let me know, and remember it is reviews that are keeping this thing alive!! So you can thank all of the lovely reviewers who have kept this alive, by reading their stories and leaving reviews for them too.

Thank you all again who reviewed I will read your stories and thank you personally when I get some time!! 

See ya next time!! (If I decide to keep writing that is!)


	5. Task 1

**Disclaimer etc as on pg 1**

Thanks to XxRoGuExHeArTxX, NCSGirl and OracleMaiden for all your ideas and support, you're helping to keep this fic going more then  you know!!

To Harry am I to take it you don't like Victor and Scott??!

Don't worry xXrogue-demonXx there will be a death (I have a hate for one of the housemates that is gnawing away at me…and you'll be surprised to know that I hate this character more then Scott but less than Jean!)

Also welcome back to DarktheDestroyer (long time no see) waves and thank you to Xx-Disturbed-xX for your positive reviews and don't worry nomination time is coming up so maybe it'll be the end of the road for Jubes-I say MAYBE!!

Anywayz hope to hear from y'all soon!****

**Day 8 in the Big ****Brother****Mansion******

**8:19AM******

The housemates are gathered in the seating area where Jubilee and Bobby's trial is going to be held. Bobby and Jubilee were both going to be defended by Eric however Bobby did insist on having 'Kitty' a.k.a Victor defending him, so Eric is now the judge and Hank, well Hank in his highly emotional state is going to be firing the questions at the accused. The rest of the housemates will act as jury (or probably just heckle).

"Can you tell me where you were at approximately 4:55 yesterday afternoon?" Hank asks a startled looking Bobby

"In the boy's bedroom" Looks at Victor and mouths help Victor walks over to bobby and whispers in his ear. 

Bobby stands up and points a finger at Jubilation "It was her I saw her and she tempted me like Adam Ant in the Garden of Eden!"

Victor again whispers in Bobby's ear 

"ADAM in the garden of Eden…sheesh I never knew you were such a perfectionist!" Bobby grumbles scowling

Hank jumps up and hugs Bobby "I knew it couldn't have been you! You're my best friend and you understand the importance of a mans Twinkie stash I knew you would never do something without provocation!" Stops kissing Bobby and glowers at Jubilee

"What? It wasn't me?!" Jubilee folds her arms over her chest and glowers "If any ones to blame it's you Mr. I tempt lil' kids with Twinkies!"

"Who me?"

"Yes you furball!" Jubilee says moving her neck in the manner of Jerry Springer guests.

"Why you little!" Hank dives towards the Asian girl

"Order! Order in the court!!" Eric booms magnetically throwing paperclips and pins and Hank and Jubilee who are hitting each other with chairs.

Logan jumps off of the sofa and begins bitch slapping Eric.

Scott stops as he hears a pin drop and strips off his clothes; everyone stops what they are doing and stares at him in disgust.

As if from nowhere rotten tomatoes and potatoes start hurtling towards Scott, mostly hitting him on the forehead.

Eric sighs and throws his hands up in the air as if too God. "If you can't beat them join them!" He gets down from his chair of authority and puts Remy in a headlock.

**8:45AM******

Jubilee has been found guilty of the theft and disposal of evidence in regards to Hanks Twinkie stash. She is now being shunned by Hank who blames only her.

Remy is talking to Rogue in the garden (okay so he is stalking her but you didn't hear it from me right?)

Remy interrupts Rogues talk of how much she enjoys her job "Do you work for UPS? Coz Remy swear he saw you checking out his package"

Thwack Remy slams against the fence however he just dusts himself off and picks himself up

"Its cold out isn't it?" Remy says staring at her breasts, 

Rogue however doesn't look happy.

"Aw, come on Roguey sex is like Cajun food even when it's pretty bad it's still good!" 

Kazaam There is now a Remy shaped dent in the lawn, but Remy is nothing if not persistent.

"Okay Okay so I admit dat I'm a geek by day but by night I'm a sex god!" Remy primps and preens in front of Rogue who begins to laugh at him; Remy however thinks that she is laughing with him.

"Okay do you know the difference between a hamburger and a blowjob?" He asks

"Is this some kinda joke?" She sighs and plays along "No what?"

"No! Well in that case do you wanna do lunch?" 

Splat

"That should keep you busy for a while swamp rat and keep you're dirty thoughts to yourself!" Rogue dusts off her hands before stomping off angrily

**10:48AM******

A battered and bruised Remy is discussing where he went wrong with Rogue this morning with the other male occupants (minus Bobby who is trying to console a sobbing Jubilee).

"I just don't understand why women are so touchy" Eric says blowing on his coffee "I mean I once told this mutant woman that I loved the way she moved just like butter on a bald monkey, and she slapped me!"

Hank nodded "I agree whole heartedly females today do not know how to take a compliment for example I was talking to a young lady back when I was in high school…" Hank pauses for a moment to check he has everyone's attention "…and I told her that her eyes were as blue as window cleaner and that while she was otherwise ugly she intrigued me."

Logan leans forward hanging on every word "AND?!"

"She kicked me in the balls and ran" His face is oh so serious

Victor speaks for the first time "I never had that problem with Raven…er…Mystique she always wanted it! Once she told me that she wanted me to wrap my legs around her face like a feed bag!"

"EW EW!" Logan splutters horrified by the image

"How romantic!" Eric comments dryly, so no one sure if he is serious or not.

"How very intriguing" Hank says thoughtfully stroking his chin, in a manner that is, quite frankly, disturbing.

"Well Jean loved it when I told her that if she in front of the mirror and held up 11 roses, she would see 12 of the most beautiful things in the world!" Scott informs the group with a knowing nod

"Gross!! Don't you know that is the worst way to pull a woman to flatter her, you have to make her feel small, degraded and desperate!" Eric said with a pitying look at Scott who was obviously the least manly in the group, even less so then Ororo, then again few people are less manly then her

"Okay, I'll pit my chat up skills against all of your best efforts and we'll see who the women will be falling over!" Scott announces

"You're going down Summers!" Hank yells over excited

**11:27AM******

Bobby and Jubilee are having a discussion about there 'pets'.

"Kitty would scratch Lucky face in any day of the week!" Bobby yells

"No he wouldn't Kitty stinks; at least Lucky has a bath…" Jubes yells back

Bobby sniffs tears welling up in his eyes 

"…and at least Lucky's breath doesn't smell like rotten fish and decomposing chicken!"

Bobby begins to wail at the top of his lungs

Logan, Victor and Hank look up from the sofa

"What's wrong Bobby?" Hank asks approaching the mutant reluctantly

"It's…its …her" Bobby points a shaking finger

"What's her?" Hank asks putting a comforting hand around Bobby's shoulders

"She said that Kitty smelt and that Lucky could beat him in a fight" Tears stream down his little face

"SHE SAID WHAT?!" Victor growls

 Logan just smirks "Ya picked tha winnin' team there darlin'"

"Ya wanna run that past me again runt?" Victor scowls

"Well ya ain't exactly in peak condition fatty" Logan pats Victor's belly

"I have half a mind to…" Victor growls before he's interrupted by Logan

"Ya have half a mind full stop!"

"You WHAT??"

Victor launches at Logan knocking him off of his feet. Snickt

"Ya messin' with tha wrong guy bub!" Logan scrapes his claws across Victor's arm which is shielding his face 

Suddenly the two begin to fight like 'Cat and Dog'.

"The chair! KITTY USE THE CHAIR!" Bobby yells from the sidelines

**11:46AM******

"Sex is a killer…" Eric says leaning against the fish tank into which Ororo is staring intently "…do you wanna die happy?"

Ororo looks at him and screws up her nose "Ew, NO!! Old man yuck" She turns back to the fish tank

**12:00AM**** Task time**

Big Brother has set the housemates a task; they have to gamble a percentage of their weekly shopping budget on the successful completion of the task.

This week's task is whether Scott can keep his clothes on for 3 whole days. The housemates have decided to gamble 100% of the budget on this task.

**12:02AM******

Scott is sat on the sofa itching at his clothes uneasily and sweating profusely.

Each housemate is taking it in turns to guard Scott and Magneto is in charge of the pins to ensure that none drop within earshot of Scott (this causes him to strip).

**12:30PM******

Logan is having to physically restrain Scott from stripping with the help of Eric.

Bobby is in the kitchen guarding the pins.

**12:31PM******

Bobby is looking around the room cautiously and his hand is twitching closer to the pins. 

Bobby can resist the urge any more and begins to stick pins into the rotting Apples and the bread.

**12:34PM******

Scott's ears prick up and with the strength of Colossus throws Eric and Wolverine off of him as he rips off his t-shirt and undoes his jeans.

"NOOOOO!" Eric and Wolverine cry in unison.

**2:57PM******

With no shopping budget the housemates have just a packet of marshmallows, a jar of coffee (which Eric has hid under his bed), some nail varnish, a packet of toilet roll and some ball bearings to last them until their next task.

Scott is in hiding in the diary room due to some housemates, mentioning no names…ahem…er…LOGAN, reactions.

**7:23PM******

As consolation for Scott being such a prat…er sorry failing the task Big Brother is playing music into the house.

To get into the party spirit Victor is drinking the nail varnish.

Remys (mind still stuck on winning the bet) approaches Rogue. "Do you wanna dance?"

"No" Rogues scowls at him

Remy smiles charmingly "Go on lower your standards….I did" 

Thump

"Is dere meana be stars in the room?" Gambit asks wandering around in circles.

**7:31PM******

It appears that despite all hopes none of the male housemates have forgotten their bet.

Logan sidles up to Ororo "Hey darlin' why don't you save a horse an' ride a cowboy?"

"Well for one thing I fear I may break the cowboys back anyway that's what horses are for; if ones tired ride another one right?" Ororo says innocently

Logan looks at her scared before he realises that she didn't understand his meaning

"Um…ok…how about you sit on my lap and we see what pops up?" he says smiling at her

"Why there's enough seating in the room?"

Logan slaps his forehead in exasperation "Do you have a mirror in your pocket?"

"No but there's one on the bathroom" Ororo is yearning to get back to the fish tank

"No you're supposed to ask why" He informs her gently

"Why?"

"You just ar…oh…right cause I can see myself in your pants!" He growls sexily at her

"Really I didn't realise that they were shiny I bet it's that bloody iron"

Logan just gets up and walks away shaking his head.

**7:43PM******

Hank is talking to Rogue about the sleeping arrangements in the house

"I find the beds most comfortable to sleep in however I do find that they are rather a squeeze…" He lowers his voice "…especially seeing as the midget…" Nods towards where Logan is scowling at Ororo "…has nabbed the only king-sized bed"

Rogue shakes her head at the injustice of the situation "Well ah find it difficult to get off to sleep in eya, once I'm off though I'm dead to the world"

"Do you sleep on your stomach?" Hank asks brow furrowed

"No why?"

"Can I?"

"Grrrr…" Bang "…MEN!!"

**9:03PM******

Bobby is sneaking into the garden something shoved under his sweatshirt, and carrying a spoon. He begins to dig a hole in the garden looking around every so often to check the coast is clear.

"What _are you doing?" Hanks voice asks from behind him (Hanks eye is looking very bruised and swollen)_

Bobby puts his finger to his lips "Shhhh" He pulls the packet of marshmallows from under his sweater

"What..?"

"I'm going to plant them!" Bobby announces proudly

"Bobby they are marshmallows not seeds" Hank sounds slightly amused

"I'm going to grow a marshmallow tree"

"Of course you are Bobby, of course you are" Hank pats Bobby on the shoulder absentmindedly "I just hope your ready to face the wrath of Eric and Rogue when they find that the only edible food is in the house has been buried in the ground"

"By the time the trees grown they'll be thanking me!"

Famous last words or a prophesy of what is yet to come? Tune in nest time to find out

**So should I continue? Any ideas of what to do next? Tell me!! **

**Oh and please check out one of my Retribution X fanfiction's this isn't just a shameless plug…well it is but it also has a purpose which I will inform you of next time!!**

**So anyway, I will see you next time (if enough people read and like this one, it is unbelievabley hard to get motivation for)!!**


	6. The marshmallow tree

**Okay sorry its been such a long time since I updated this but I'm having a hard time coming up with situations for them to be in! So thank you to all of you who have suggested ideas, in particular **Aqeuous Drake **who made suggestions which one way or another have made it into this!**

**Okay so you've got your Marshmallow tree people, I hope y'all like and if you can think of any other suggestions of what could happen please let me know! A huge thank you to all who have reviewed thus far and the next chapter will be much better promise, because I will finally give a certain someone what is coming to them!! ******

**Day 9 in the Big ****Brother****Mansion******

**9:26AM******

Bobby drake is bouncing on Hanks bed. "It's grown! It's grown!"

"What has grown?" Hank asks blinking to try and get his eyes to focus.

"My_ tree!" Bobby emphasises_

"Oh my Stars and Garters!" Hank says swinging his legs out of the bed. "You had better be telling the truth Robert, and not have got confused thinking one of the chicken's is the tree!"

"Would I do that?" Bobby asks innocently

"Yes and you have!"

"Oh yeah last week! I forgot!" Bobby scratched his neck. 

Hank throws on a pair of shorts before Bobby pulls him by the large furry hand into the garden.

Hank peers up at the soft, multicoloured marshmallow tree.

"Oh my stars and garters!" he breathes approaching it with slight caution

"Isn't she purdy?" Bobby asks in the tone of a proud father

Hank walks around the tree before suddenly launching at the trunk, his mouth wide open and taking a huge chunk out of it.

Bobby begins to cry "How could you?? *Sniffs* what did she ever do to you?"

"Well you grew her so we could eat her so I thought there was no time like the present!" Hank said through mouthful of marshmallow. "And whats with all this 'she' business it a bloody tree!!"

**10:07AM******

Bobby Drake has returned to the garden only to see that the Marshmallow tree has healed itself

"IT'S A MIRACLE!" Bobby yells throwing his arms skyward.

He then runs towards the tree and begins eating huge mouthfuls.

**10:34AM******

Hank is walking through the garden stealthily to avoid detection from the other housemates. He falls to his knees and begins to dig a whole in the garden with his bare hands. He looks at what is left of his Twinkie stash sadly before kissing one and burying it in the ground. He looks around to make sure he is still alone before saying "Grow my pretties, GROW!" 

Hank the breaks into demonic laughter, worthy of that scary woman from the Wizard of Oz "MWAHAHAHAHAHAA!"

The glass door behind him opens "You okay sugah?"

Hank stands up abruptly and shuffles his feet innocently "Yes!"

**11:56AM******

Scott has decided that it is time he began his bid for the King of Smooth competition set up between the male housemates yesterday.

He approaches an easy target (Jubilee) "Was your father a thief?"

Jubilee looks up from her colouring book and blinks at him

"Because some one has stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes!"

Jubilee smiles "I've got starry eyes!" 

"Did the sun just come out or did you smile?" Scott asks smoothly

This caused Jubilees grin to spread wider. "You're sweet!"

Scott blushes, Jubilee launches herself at Scott and wraps her arms around him and won't let go.

**Meanwhile….**

Eric is chatting to Rogue in the kitchen.

"You know I'm not really this tall…" he confides in her

"Really?" Rogue looks intrigued

"No I'm just sat on my wallet!"

"Oh so your rich! So what's your profession?"

"Well I don't know really…." Magneto scratches his helmet (he forgets he has it on bless him) "…I don't really do anything, but I always seem to have money.  Well enough money to plan world domination…opps did I say world domination…I meant to say world domination" He sat and thought "Doh!"

Rogue probably wasn't listening anyway and continued to wash up.

"You know you're ugly but you intrigue me!" Eric said as a means of flattery

"What?!" Rogue shot around, face contorted into that bull ready to charge face she does so well

"Hey baby! Infect…er….drain me!"

Kersplat Rogue exits the room to the sound of Magnetos helmet rolling on the floor.

**12:07PM******

Logan and Victor are entertaining themselves by playing that age old game 'who can fit the most chickens and fish in your mouth?' It is a pathetic display of the testosterone on offer in the house.

Logan and Victor both have 3 chickens in their mouths and 5 goldfish.

"Okay guys you're even, so lets spice this little game up a bit!" Ororo who is acting as referee suggests

Logan and Victor nod their heads

"Okay you both have to try and say 'Chubby Bunny', its tradition to fill your mouth with marshmallows for this game but I suppose chickens and….fish…FISH!" Ororo suddenly realises what they are doing "Spit out Marigold now!" She demands of Victor

"Thuubbby bummmy!" He says with a grin

Logan shots him an annoyed look and tries to say it too unfortunately a chicken leg flops out of his mouth.

"Dat means Victors the… er victor no?" Gambit says 

Snickt

Gambit runs to the bedroom and slams the door in Logan's angry potato face

"Let me in you….you….CAJUN!"

"Big threats from da guy who wears kiddie shoes coz he's so small!" Remy shouts from the safety of the bedroom

There is the sound of claws through wood

"ARGH!"

**Meanwhile…**

"So Kitty what else can you fit in your mouth?" Bobby asks Victor

Victor smiles and picks up Ororo, who is once again settled in front of the fish tank. He opens his mouth and folds the African woman expertly so that she will fit in his mouth

"Ohh good Kitty can you say Chubby Bunny too?" Bobby asks excitement filling his face 

"Thu…gulp…" Victor blushes

"Oh no you've swallowed Ororo…" Bobby says bounding towards Victor and hitting him on the back, sending a spit covered Ororo back into her seat by the fish tank, obviously oblivious to the goings on of a second earlier.

Victor bends down and whispers in Bobby's ear "She tasted good!"

Bobby swots Victors hand "Bad Kitty…." He stops and looks at Victors little face before throwing himself at him, and hugging him tight "…but I still love you!"

**2:42PM******

Hank wanders out into the garden, apparently aimlessly, before running to his patch of dirt to see if his Twinkies are growing yet. A small tear trickles down his check as he notices no shoots.

"What's up Hankster?" Bobby asks playing Tarzan in his Marshmallow tree.

"Nothing Robert, nothing at all" Hank wipes away the tear with the back of his hand and looks with envy at the marshmallow tree.

**4:07PM******

Scott is called to the diary room however he seems to be experiencing difficulties getting there.

"Jubilee really please let go of my leg!" Scott begs giving his leg a shake

"Looks like Summers won the bet after all" Logan says with a grunt

"Merde! An' Remy was just bout to turn up tha pressure!" Remy looks devastated

"Don't worry Cajun you can still try and pull the moody chick" Logan says referring to Rogue

"REALLY JUBILATION PLEASE! BIG BROTHER CALLED _ME _TO THE DIARY ROOM!" Scott is on the verge of tears now

"Can I help bub?" Logan asks with no small amount of blood lust in his eyes.

Scott sniffs, wipe away the tears before nodding face becoming hopeful for the first time since Jubilee began the embrace earlier in the day

Snickt Logan ran up to Jubilee with a very manly (yeah right!?) roar.

Jubilee looked at him dispassionately "Go away Lucky your bad, your nasty to your mummy!" Jubilee clings tighter to Scott's leg "No like Scottie!"

"Scottie?" Logan repeats before bursting out into hysterical laughter.

**4:30PM******

Scott has finally made it to the diary room.

"Hi Big Brother!"

"Hello Scott. How are you enjoying your stay in the Big Brother house?"

"Oh I was enjoying it very much since the witch left, but now I seem to be lumbered with another one!" Scott looks sad

"But other than your female problems?"

"Oh it's very liberating… I have found things out about myself that I never knew…like when it gets cold my…."

"Yes… er… thank you Scott that is enough. Who do you think that, in this stage of the game, could go on to be the winner?"

 "Well I think Victor could go the distance he has very kind, nurturing ways about him, for example, only last night he tucked me into bed and read me a bedtime story." 

"And who do you think will be evicted next?"

"Jubilee due to her hysterical tendencies!"

"But Scott wasn't it you who threw the fit over there being a spider in the shower this morning….they could here your screams and yells in china, and your tears, hell you could have flooded the house!"

"Is that all Big Brother?" Scott asks visibly stiffening at being reminded of his little show from this morning.

**5:00PM******

The housemates are enjoying a period of relaxation around the pool.

"That chicken doesn't look very healthy does it?" Remy comments

"No I think she lost a leg" Ororo points out

"Well that was damned careless!" Eric scoffs

"I wonder where she left it." Ororo said peering into a nearby flower pot

Victor emerges from the bushes liking his lips and murmuring something about 'finger lickin' goodness'

At that moment Scott emerges naked "Anyone fancy a swim?"

"ARGH!!" The housemates ran away…._fast!_

**Sorry again if this isn't as good as the other chapters but my muse needs food to work effectively you know! So come on and feed the little fella!! **

**Okay so next time there will be nominations and if there is anything you would like to see happen please, please let me know, it helps get the creative juices flowing!! Thank you for your time!!**


	7. A Dissapearance

**Okay this one was done really quickly basically to stop Xx-Disturbed-xX from killing herself!**

**Anyway again this one isn't very good but my bad muse doesn't behave Zaps him with the shock collar donated by Zilent Zombie**

**Okay thank you to xXrogue-demonXx for keeping me entertained with her excellent stories and for her enthusiastic reviews.**

**Thanks also to NcsGirl who is both an awesome writer and an awesome reviewer! Also thanks to you for loaning me Kurt Muse who helped me considerably (especially with 'The Monster Mash-Hank McCoy style!).**

**Darkthedestroyer ****for reading my mad rambling and responding to what must seem like some crazy E-mails!**

**Anyway onward with the show, where I finally punish a character I hate worse than Scott and almost as much as Jean!**

**Day 10 in the ****Big****Brother****Mansion**** Nomination day**

**9:47AM******

Jubilee is the last housemate to get up.

"Hey Hank, hi Eric, Morning Rogue, Howdy Bobby, Bonjour Remy, Hello Scottie, How's it going Lucky?" Jubilee looks around the room and spies Victor "Good morning Victor….hey where's Ororo?"

The housemates all look at each other and shrug. Victor smiles a shock of white hair (?) showing between his teeth.

"Hmmm…she was by the fish tank a minute ago" Scott said chirpily cooking the dinner…yep that's right you guessed it … in the nude!

Victor begins to choke; Bobby runs over and begins to thump Victor on the back.

"That's it Kitty, cough it up!" He encourages as a stiletto goes flying past his head 

"Ain't that Ororo shoe?" Remy asks wiping the spit that had flown out of Victor's mouth along with the shoe off of his trousers.

Victor just blinked at Remy for a few moments before picking the hair out from between his teeth.

"I wonder where she could be." Scott asks in the manner of Fred from Scooby Doo, albeit a naked Fred.

**10:34AM******

Hank is in the garden looking sadly at Bobby's marshmallow tree and then back to the plot of earth that he planted his Twinkies in. Hank sighs as he begins to dig up the Twinkie stash. He carefully flicks the worms off of them before shoving them in to his face in the manner of a hamster.

**10:56AM******

Jubilee is still looking for Ororo. "Ororo where are you?" She asks peering under the moss covered rock in the garden

"Face it kid she's gone" Logan says as he saunters past lighting a stoogie.

"How can you say that you brute" Jubilee says pummelling her fists into Logan/Lucky's chest

"Anyone for Ball bearing and marshmallow soup?" Eric's voice calls from the door

Jubilees head snaps upwards "I am!" With that she zooms into the kitchen. 

[A/N the housemates/Scott failed the task so they only have ball bearings, Coffee (which Eric commandeered), Nail varnish (which Victor drank) and the Marshmallow tree that Bobby grew until the next task]

**11:09AM******

The housemates have faced up to the fact that Ororo may never come back and so Logan and Eric are playing cats cradle with Scott's shoe laces tied together.

Victor is scratching the sofa, while Bobby watches him lovingly. 

Jubilee is clinging to 'Scotties' leg while reciting love poetry.

Remy and Rogue are…surprise, surprise arguing, as Hank watches dispassionately picking grit from between his fanged teeth. 

"_This is Big Brother, despite the absence of Ororo today's nominations will still go ahead…"_

The housemates look at each other and shrug (except Jubilee who clings to Scott tighter).

_"…that means that one of you shall be leaving!"_

Again the housemates shrug 

_"You know what I give up, injecting excitement into your lives is like….I don't know…squeezing blood from Hanks Twinkies or something!"_

Hank scowls as the rest of the housemate whip their heads around to look at him

"You have Twinkies?" Logan growls

"I _did have Twinkies but I ate them"_

The housemates shuffle around to grab hold of Logan and restrain him from attacking Hank.

**2:03PM******

Eric using his powers of magnetism is making Wolverine dance.

"Can you stop that now?" Logan grumbles as his fist smashes into his face before Eric makes him do the mashed potato

"No"

**2:30PM******

Remy and Rogue are talking in the Girls bedroom.

"I think that Eric feels the constant need to be entertaining and so we aren't seeing his true colours" Rogue says as she makes her bed.

Remy quickly stops juggling the rolled up socks "Remy agree, t'is tres pathetique!"

Rogue nods "Ya know swamp rat sometimes you can be a real good listener and ok ya ugly as sin, but ya'll make a good house husband to someone one day!"

Gambit isn't sure whether to take that as a compliment or not. "Not you though?"  He looks at her sadly

Rogue bursts out laughing "Good lord no!" She stops as she see's the tears well up in his black and red eyes, and goes to pat him reassuringly on his arm, however she forgets her super strength

"OW! Dere was no need to hit Remy!" Remy exclaims rubbing the fast bruising flesh on his shoulder.

**3:00PM******

Eric is asleep on a sun bed by the pool. 

"Da da da dada…" Bobby and Jubilee approach singing the mission impossible theme, carrying a thick black marker.

**3:48PM******

Eric walks into the kitchen to be greeted by giggles and smirks.

"What did I get sunburned?" Eric asks looking at his wrinkly old man chest "I knew I should have worn my helmet, okay my brain boils in it but its better then looking like a lobster!" He grumbles

The camera zooms in for a close up of Eric's face which had a moustache and 'I am an egg!' scrawled over it.

"So Eric have the chickens laid any eggs?" Rogue asks before cracking up (pun unintended but it worked nicely don't you think?)

Eric looks at his fellow housemates with a look of disgust before grabbing an old cereal box with an article about the cocoa monkey on the box and making his way to the bathroom where he can read it in peace.

**4:02PM******

"GARGH!! BOBBY, JUBILEE GET IN HERE NOW!"

**5:30PM**** Nomination time**

Bobby Drake enters the diary room sporting a colourful array of bruises and cuts. He ices himself up as he sits in the chair.

"Okay Big Brother I want to nominate Eric and Scott. Eric because he's really grouchy first thing in the morning before he has his coffee and because the dude can _not take a joke! I nominate Scott because I'm not sure if that really is mayonnaise he spilt on my Marshmallow tree." Bobby blinks icily at the camera. _

_"You can exit the diary room now Bobby!"_

"Erm…I can't I'm iced to the chair…." He said before really panicking "I'm really stuck to the chair!!" 

**10minutes later**

Bobby has finally defrosted and left the diary room.

Eric walks past Bobby on his way into the diary room and magnetically sends a fork flying at his head.

Eric sits primly in the chair before his face explode in rage "I want rid of those impetuous children Robert and Jubilation, do you realise how hard it is to remove permanent marker from you skin….LET ME TELL YOU IT IS BLOODY HARD!" Eric approaches the camera moustache and writing still evident on his face. The sound of the content of the big brother mansions cutlery drawer hitting the door is heard.

Hank walks in, wearing a baseball cap back to front to hide the claw marks on his head.

"This week I would like to nominate Jubilee for doing that unforgivable Twinkie stash raid, before I had classed her as one of my intimate few…" Hank thinks for a moment "…friends that is" Hank stops again and looks down at the chair "is it me or is this chair wet…" Hank leaps up from the chair "…EW old man pee, I never realised he had lost control of his bladder! Anyway my second nomination is for Eric for the fact he has peed on this chair and because you just dare not speak to him until he's had his coffee in the mornings. Also he hogs the fore mentioned coffee!"

Jubilee walks into the diary room stands and strikes a supermodel pose before writing her name in fireworks above her head, and the jumps into the chair at such a force it falls over. Jubilees head pokes up from behind the chair. "This is all that wrinkly old mans fault. I want him gone because A) he doesn't look very nice when he's sat around the pool in just his Speedos and B) he really can not take a joke. Secondly I would like to nominate Lucky…err…Logan for failing to realise what an excellent owner he had in me and forcing me to flee to another less manly dog!" Jubilee once again strikes her super model pose before leaving the diary room and promptly falling on her butt.

Logan enters the diary room before taking an evil swipe at the chair that is still sat upside down. Logan growls for good measure just to prove that no matter what anyone says he _is definitely more manly than Victor!_

"Ok let's dispose of the naked one eyed geek, and the wrinkly old man, because I don't like 'em!"

"_Can you please elaborate on your reasons?"_

Logan sighs irritably "Because Scott is always naked and stinks of urine, I also caught him trying to climb into bed with Bobby last night and the poor kid was absolutely terrified."

_"And your reasons for nominating Eric?"_

Snickt"Let's leave that shall we bub, I do not want to replay that whole dancing scene in my head ok?"

_Gulps "Okay!"_

Remy saunters in his now dirty 'I love the Rogue' t-shirt.

"Bonjour, My first nomination is for Eric for upsetting my poor lil Roguey tha otha day, and my second nomination is being for Jubilee for allowing Scott to sweet talk her and thus allow him to win ze bet!"

Remy blows a kiss at the camera before leaving the diary giggling like a school girl.

Rogue walks in a scowl on her face "Bobby just farted!" She announces disgusted

Rogue sits on the upturned chair with the stuffing hanging out and makes her nominations 

"Firstly ah wanna get rid o' Jubilee coz she's annoyin' and so damn perky and secondly I wanna say goodbye to Scott coz seeing his … er… salami everyday aint doin' my already troubled mind any good!" Rogue says getting up and leaving a dent in the wall by punching it for good measure.

Scott walks in, in all his…er glory (?) he smirks at the camera, waving certain bits of him about more than is needed; his arms (hey get your mind out of the gutter! What did you think I meant?).

"I would like to nominate Eric, because he was looking particularly hot in his Speedo's and I really could do without the competition. Secondly and I really implore you here, Jubilee_ must _go! I just can't seem to shake her off of my leg! She's clinging to me all the time and it's just not nice, I strip to stay cool and she heats me up no end!"

With that Scott stands up proudly opening the door, the white light pouring through the door frames him like a messiah.

 Victor walks into the room wearing one of Hanks bright shirts that is about 6 sizes too small, a pair of Bermuda shorts and open toed sandals (not a nice sight I can assure you!)

Victor purrs at his reflection in the lens on the camera "I would like to nominate Eric who is taking the master of magnetism thing way to far! Secondly I would like to nominate Logan because sometimes he smells like a drowned dog and because he _still _has _my adamantium skeleton!"_

Victor chews of one of his toenails and grooms his inner thigh (yes…with his tongue) before leaving the diary room.

**8:02PM******

_"This is Big Brother the housemates up for eviction this week are……"_

**5minutes later**

_"….Eric and…………………………………………………………………..Jubilee!"_

"Aw nuts!" Eric sighs

"IT was YOU wasn't it LUCKY! You nominated ME, I bet Scottie didn't!" Jubilee hits Logan around the head with the tub of fish food.

Logan shoots her an evil glare but doesn't move from where he's staring at Rogues thighs (at least we _think that's where he's staring!)_

**11:07PM******

Victor is singing Bobby a lullaby to keep his nightmares (of Eric attacking him with an army of forks) at bay.

"I wuv joo Kitty"

"I know kid!"

**Ok due to Storms er disappearance a new housemate is needed vote for who you want to see put in (most marvel characters considered except Nightcrawler I'm having enough trouble with the accents of Remy and Rogue!) or if you want one to see one of my Retribution x characters put in (imagine the Havoc Kat could reek! Check out the stories if you ain't familiar with the characters. Anyway do let me know in the reviews you are undoubtedly going to leave…please review! **

**Ok this stuff gets harder to write so if you have any ideas at all please share them with me! Reviews keep me going with out them I probably wouldn't bother writing this, as it makes my brain hurt! Anyway for now that is all!**


	8. Incoming!

**Disclaimer: What would Scooby Doo?**

**Okay thank you all for reviewing again and many apologies for this taking so long but I've been putting more hours in at work before I have to go back to school (next Tuesday) so finding times been hard! **

**Please read and Review!**

**Day 11 in the Big Brother mansion**

**11:29AM******

The housemates are eating their breakfast in the kitchen.

"ARGGHHHHHHHH!!" The housemates see a Strawberry blonde girl run past them hair aflame

"Hmmmm….must be the new girl" Hank says looking up from his Twinkies which are covered in milk.

"BOBBY" Then new housemate runs over to Bobby and squeezes him to her chest "I NEVER KNEW YOU WERE IN HERE! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME SNUGGLEBUM?!"

Bobby looks puzzled and tries to inch away from her; unfortunately she still has him in a vicelike grip.

"Hank?" Bobby looks at Hank with big frightened eyes "Why am I melting?"

Hank tries not to panic but what are you supposed to do when you best friends Jeans are on fire? Hank ran to the sink and began to throw tumblers of water at Bobby in an ill fated attempt to douse the flames. Unfortunately the flames were spreading to some of Bobby's more…er…essential organs (hey that's where guys brains are remember! **;0P**) Victor seeing his owner in such distress jumps up and away from his suspicious looking muffin (Are muffins supposed to have white hair?) and grabs his pal and throws him into the pool….well that was the intention anyway…unfortunately Victor forgot just how strong he really is resulting in Bobby landing on the regenerative marshmallow tree setting that too on fire. 

Jubilee runs into the garden "Oh my god! Bobby are you okay?" She looks at Logan and points at Bobby "Go fetch Lassie!"

Logan merely growls at the suggestion

Jubilee looks downcast before she remembers her secret weapon "GO SCOTTIE WOOOT!"

Scott who is sat in the nude eating his ball bearing brunch selflessly runs to the aid of the young man being devoured by flames.

"Argh Get away from me you naked monster!" Bobby yells the smoke clearly bringing on delirium

"ARGH He was mean to me!" Scott says as he sits down the grass and begins to sob, Jubilee runs over to him as a way of misguided comfort.

Rogue who is leaning on the doorframe looking at the scenario in disgust yells at the male housemates (who are running around like headless chickens) "Why doesn't Bobby just ice himself up and put out the flames that way?"

The men look at her as if she has grown an extra head

"Don't be so ridiculous that would never work!" Eric comments scathingly eyes watering from the smell of singed hair.

Rogue looks directly at Bobby "Just try it sugar!"

Bobby nods his head and ices himself up, thus putting out the flames.

"It's a hard job but someone has to be right!" Rogue comments dusting off her hands as she returns to her breakfast (newspaper with milk).

**12:57PM **

The housemates have now ascertained that the incomers name is Kat, and that she is someone who causes mayhem and havoc where ever she goes (as proved by the cinders of what were once beds and the fish who are just coming to the boil).

"Bonjour chere!" Remy said joining Rogue in the living area where she was sewing up the scorch mark in her outfit

"Mornin' Swamprat!" Rogue said not looking up from her work.

Remy scooted up the sofa so he was sat almost on top of Rogue.

"Arghhh!!" The couple screamed in unison as shaving foam got squirted into their face.

The couple dove for Bobby and Jubilee

Bobby held up his hands innocently "It's ok its only Logan's shaving foam he won't miss it!"

"It's not than mon chere it's the fact that that was going to be our dinner this evening that distresses us after _someone…" Remy looked pointedly at Scott who was staring out of the window emulating the movements of the common sparrow sat on the windowsill "…lost the task!"_

**1:23PM******

"Where did you get that Twinkie from?" Hank asked Kat eyes narrowed

"I found it in the ground with big root like things growing out of it!" She said proudly showing Hank one of the fore-mentioned roots

"Oh my stars and Garters!" Hank crumpled to the floor and began to sob "They were going to grow but now…." He broke down again

"Its okay the monkey butlers always make me act like that too, all you have to do is fight your way out of their belly!" She said with a knowing smile before walking off

Hank looked at her back, puzzled by the monkey butler comment for a moment before running out into the garden and shoving his fingers down his throat.

"Alas all my Twinkies have been digested now I shall never have a Twinkie tree!" Hank said sadly before beating the ground with his huge blue fists "Why does nothing ever go right for me? WHY?" He yelled at the sky causing all the birds roosting in the fully healed marshmallow tree to flee from the vicinity.

**2:54PM******

Jubilee is worried about the impending eviction of either herself or Eric.

"I don't wanna leave you Lucky!" She wails clinging onto Logan's boot as he walks obliviously to the swimming pool

Victor who is giving 'pony' rides to Bobby and Kat points to his leg "Yer have a cling on!"

Logan looks down at his leg surprised before kicking out with his leg so hard Jubilee goes flying off. "Didn't notice just thought my Adamantium bones had gotten heavier" Logan says taking a drag of the freshly lit cigar

Victor growls at the reference to Logan's skeleton "That shudda been mine" He mutters to the floor

"What was that Creed?"

Victor smiles viciously "Nothing runt, just saying that when we get outta here I'm gonna show yer frail over there a good time" He says jerking his thumb over to were Jubilee is wailing at the top of her lungs

Logan looks at Jubilee "What? Her?"

Victor nod's as he bounces Kat up and down like she's a baby (ok she has the mentality of one)

"She ain't nothing to do with me bub!" Logan says pointing his cigar at Victor

"Then you won't mind if I meet up with her when I get out of here!" 

"Keep yer grubby mitts off of her Creed" Logan eyes narrowed

Jubilee looks up interestedly at the discussion going on before her very eyes before flinging herself at Logan "YOU LOVE ME AFTER ALL!"

Logan embraces her uncomfortably, as Kat in the background flails her arms around in a fit of excitement. 

Flames slowly creep up Jubilees yellow Mac

"Jubes darling' I think yer on fire!"

**5:02PM******

Logan is laying face down on the couch head buried under a pile of pillows as Jubilee looks on sadly and Bobby chews on his foot. Victor has his head immersed in the fish tank. Both are trying to block out a sound so terrifying it could even frighten the aliens 16 galaxies away. Kat singing

_"At first I was afraid I was petrified, _

_Thought I could never live without you by my side,_

_But then I spent so many nights thinking how I did you wrong…_

_And I grew strong!"_

The camera picks up the muffled sobs of Wolverine "My ears they're bleeding!"

**Meanwhile…..**

Eric has been called to the diary room.

_"Good evening Eric!"_

"Good evening big Brother"

_"Eric what would you do with the money if you were to win X Big Brotherhood 2003?"_

Eric shifts his weight in the chair and crosses his legs "If I won the big brother prize money I would buy a scrap metal yard"  He pauses momentarily "No actually I would buy a small island fill it with mutants and use what's left over to spread terror and destruction throughout the human population"

 _"Erm…..thank you Eric you may now leave the diary room"_

**After….******

_"Hello __Logan__"_

Logan merely grunts as way of reply.

_"If you were to be the winner of big brother 2003 what would you spend the money on?"_

Logan takes a drag on his cigar "Well I'd buy a strip joint, then as punishment I would make Scott sit and watch all of the shows until he died of embarrassment…or Jean kills him whichever is quicker!"

Bobby hearing everyone is being asked questions by Big Brother pushes his way through the door

"Ask me, ASK ME!" He says bouncing up and down on the chair

_"Actually Bobby I wasn't going to ask you until tomorrow"_

"ASK ME ASK ME DON'T MAKE ME USE MY **LOUD **VOICE!"

_*SIGHS* "Ok what would you do with the money if you won this game?"_

"I'd buy ICE!"

_Big Brother *Blinks* "Right…I don't know how I survived so long without knowing"_

Bobby smiles oblivious to the sarcasm "I thought so" and with that walks out triumphantly.

The last housemate to be question today gets called into the diary room.

_"So Jubilee if you were to win Big Brotherhood what would you do with the winnings"_

"Well…" Jubilee thinks for what a whole nano second?! "I'd spend it in the mall and buy a life times supply of yellow Macs!" 

**6:30PM Eviction Time**

 _"This is Big Brother the third person to be evicted from the Big Brother house is….."_

Camera pans to where Kat is chewing on a sock stuffed full of stray hairs from the plug hole

_"…Jubilee!"_

Jubilee begins to wail in such a high pitched manner that only dogs (Victor, Logan and Jean Grey in her coven) can hear her. She flings herself into Logan's arms.

"No one loves me" She sobs 

Logan strokes her hair as she makes his t-shirt wet with tears with only a little look of displeasure in his eyes

She looks hopefully at him "*You* do though don't you Lucky"

"Well er…I wouldn't say love exactly!"

Jubilee commences her wail

Kat sticks her hand in the air "I know, I know its Gloria Gaynor!"

Everyone blinks at her for a moment

"Sure I love ya kid" Logan says when the wailing is getting on everybody's nerves 

"Now you remember to wrap up warm, it's a chilly night out there!" Victor warns fretfully giving the small girl a fatherly hug

**7:00PM******

Logan has come to the diary room to speak to Big Brother

"I know I didn't like the little brat while she was here but now that's she's gone…" He stops for a moment to compose himself "...I kinda miss her" Tears begin to stream down his face as he put his hand over the camera lense and the screen falls black

**Kat is from My Retribution X series which are a bit of good fun! So get a free minute please do read them and don't forget to review!**

**Also up is 'The Monster Mash-Hank McCoy style' which is just a bit of insanity!**

**Ok so you've read this then please Review, and if ya have any ideas send them to me I like to see what you think (plus I run out of ideas quick)! Anonymous reviews are accepted so there is no excuse for not reviewing if you have read this! I love to hear your thoughts- who would you like to see more of? What should they be doing? What should be the next task?**

**I also like to know what bits you find funny so then I can try more of the same! **

**Many thanks!**


	9. Task 2

**Hello long time no see….my bad =0( I've been lazy however I aim to repent by doing lots of writing. Its not the best chapter but the task is quite good, but I've got an evil cold at the moment and my eyes are streaming so bad it's hard to see the screen so if there are mistakes please forgive me! **

**Day 12 in the X Big ****Brotherhood****Mansion**** ~ Task Day**

**10:48AM******

Big Brother calls Logan to the diary room.

_"__Logan__ you are aware that today is the day of your second task"_

"Yeah and….?"

_"We have something for you to do in preparation for the task, but you must not inform the other housemates….."_

**Meanwhile in the Kitchen**

Kat is approaching a nude Scott with a plastic knife and fork (all the metal ones having been removed for the housemates own safety) chanting "I want sausage, I *WANT* SAUSAGE!"

Scott is seen trying desperately to fit into the cupboard, as Bobby enters the room.

"I'm so hungry!" He moans clutching his round pot belly

"How can that be after you have eaten a whole marshmallow tree?" Hank asks looking up from his breakfast meal of …..MARSHMALLOW.

"I just am…." He says before running up to the fish tank and drooling at it occupants.

Victor looks sadly at his 'owner' as he slowly munches on the ball bearings that were awarded the housemates after their last failed attempt at a task.

Eric is sat sullenly at the end of the table.

"Eric could you pass me the salt?" Victor asks peering sadly at the ball bearings he has thus far failed to swallow

"Why don't you get off your fat hairy butt and get it for yourself?" He yells angrily back at Victor stalking into the bathroom

Hank raises his eyebrows and goes back to his bowl of marshmallow and boiled water

"Jesus, remind me never to speak to him when the coffee supplies run out…" Victor mumbles liberally coating his ball bearings in salt.

**11:08AM******

Logan busies himself in the kitchen, talking to Rogue.

"Ahm really fed up of that Swamp rat always hitting on me and following me around all the taime he'll like a shadow…"

Logan looks up and watches as Hank walks into the garden

"D'ya want me to ave a word with the Cajun fer ya?" Logan asks as he wipes the kitchen side down

"Would ya mind sugah?"

"Not at all darlin'" Logan touches his pocket in the manner of someone who is checking to see if the still have their wallet or car keys in them. "I better get goin'" He says as he struts into the garden.

Logan walks up to Hank

"Watchya Blue?" He asks lighting up a cigar

Hank doesn't look at Logan "Thinking…"

"What about?" 

"A mathematical challenge I was set in my teens that was said to be impossible."

"Oh" Logan looks around "Blue what are ya missing the most being all cooped up in here?"

Hank doesn't even have to think of an answer "Twinkies" He stops for a second as if in thought before sighing "…and you?"

Logan in similar fashion to Hank announces "Sex" 

There is a silence between the pair for a moment before Logan speaks up

"What if I could get ya a Twinkie?" 

"I would be eternally in your debt" Hank says looking hopefully at Logan who is rummaging about in his pockets before producing a squashed Twinkie that Hank lifts to his nose and smells savouring it before stuffing it wrapping and all into his face

"Are you trying to buy me?" Hank asks small crumbs falling from his mouth

"Maybe…"

"Well your going the right way about it my friend"

**11:15AM******

Remy is doodling on the walls in a bright Orange crayon, just one of the many Kat smuggled into the mansion stuffed down her knickers.  

_"Ohhh you gonna take me home tonight,_

_Ohhh__ down beside that red fire light, _

_Oh you gonna let it all hang out,_

_Fat bottomed girls you make the rocking world go round,_

_I was just a skinny lad,_

_Never knew no good from bad, _

_But I knew love before I left my nursery,_

_Left alone with big fat fatty,_

_She was such a naughty nanny,_

_Hey big woman you made a fat boy outta me….." _

Remy sings unaware of the camera zooming into his pictures of big fat bottomed girls with hair that has white bangs at the front of the face.

"Whatcya doin?" Kat asks looking as innocent as she possibly can 

"Remy be drawin' petite" 

"Ohhhh…" Kat looked at the pictures that he had drawn for a moment "…your not very good are you…is that a hippo?"

Remy looked aghast "That be Remy's one true love; Rogue how can you say such a thing?"

"Well no one looks like that" Kat says pointing at part of Remy's work of …er….art

"Of course they don't that's a tree"

"Oh I thought that was meant to be Rogue….well…" Kat looks at the picture for a moment "…what about that is it the dog?"

"How dare you call my Rogue a dog you little wench…" Remy rants before looking at the picture "…oh yeah dat be a dog"

Kat looks at her hands for a moment before setting them on fire "Flames are pretty, you should draw them ….wait I know I'll do it" And with that Remy's drawing and so the wallpaper bursts into flame.

"Argh fire! FIRE!" Remy yells running around in a circle clutching his head with his hands "HELP FIRE!"

Kat watches his dance looking slightly puzzled "Is that the new Macarena?"

Hank walks sleepily into the room before looking at the fire dispassionately 

_"TIMBER!"_ Comes Victors yell from behind the large blue mutant who falls to the floor leaving a mutant shaped dent into the floor. 

Remy begins so spit on the fire in an attempt to put it out, before Bobby enters the room and rescues the poor black and red eyed mutant. By putting out the fire with a large amount of ice.

Eric looks at the young mutant with disdain "I hope you realise when that melts the carpet will be sopping and if I die of pneumonia as a result you shall be to blame"

"Chance would be a fine thing" Victor mumbles under his breath

"What was that" Eric demands eyes blood shot

"I was just saying I sure hope we win this task so we can get you some more coffee" 

 Logan enters the room rubbing his hands together he sounds spookily like Dr. Evil when he says "Good I see that Twinkie knocked Dr McCoy out just as planned"

"?!" 

**11:30**** Task Time**

Task number 2 is to be held in the garden and as the housemates quickly ascertain, involves a canon and a Velcro wall.

"Ok ok I get it" Scott says holding his hands in the air like he's praising his own ingenious "We put Hank into the canon and fire him at the Velcro wall"

Eric reads from the sheet of rules "Ok we have to see how many times we can fire him at the wall and hi stick before he wakes up…if we can manage more then 3 times we win the max. Shopping budget"

"Does he haveta wear a Velcro suit or something?" Victor asks smelling a daisy (despite daisies not smelling)

"No it says here that he was picked for this task for his fur and for the fact that Big Brother wants to see if he will stick" Eric says matter of factly

"Remind me again why I had ta knock him out?" Logan asks puffing on a cigar

"It would have come under the animal cruelty act if they hadn't at least have proved willing to knock him out" Who would have thought that Eric was such a fountain of knowledge?

**5 Minutes later**

The housemates have successfully adorned Hank with the protective head gear and novelty scarf provided by Big Brother to ensure the safety of the sleeping blue mutant. It is now up to Victor and Logan to load the cannon with the slumbering mutant, after a bit of a tight squeeze Hank is finally in place.

"On the count of 3 we will light the fuse…" Scott instructs "…ONE…"

*BOOM!*

Scott looks sharply at Kat who is looking innocently at the fuse then to the flame on her fingertip.

"Wow! Didja see Hank fly? Didja? He was just like a bird!" Bobby enthused as Hanks fur stuck to the Velcro wall.

"Quick unstuck him, so we can fire him at it again!" Logan says jumping up and down on the spot excitedly.

Eric, Bobby and Scott run up to Hanks sleeping form stuck to the wall, and tries desperately to prize him off of it.

"He's stuck!" Bobby announces the obvious

 "I never knew we had such a good alternative to Velcro sat in the plug holes!" Eric says ever thinking about money and no doubt world domination through the use of Hanks fur as Velcro.

**2 Minutes later…**

The housemates have finally pried Hank away from the wall and prepare for take off number 2, this time there is no countdown as Hank streaks past our cameras, scarf blowing out behind him, goggles becoming more splattered with dead flies with every nano second. Once again Hank hits the board with a satisfying (for those who fired him from the cannon) thud.

However when the third time comes for them to shoot Hank at the wall snores and pleas of 'Not again momma, I'm tired' can be heard from inside the cannon.

Remy and Rogue fall about giggling, that is until Rogue realises who she's giggling with and contorts her face with displeasure and smacks him in the face just for good measure.

"Quick fire him at the wall and we will have completed our first task since we've been in here" Scott says in a high pitched voice that sends all dogs in the near vicinity (oh and Logan and Victor) cowering in terror.

Kat lights the wick before running off to play hide and seek in the Marshmallow tree with Bobby while pretending to be chickens.

_"Congratulations housemates you have now successfully completed your task" _Big Brother informs the housemates, is it me or is Big Brother sounding more and more like that Xavier freak?

With that Kat runs up to Logan and tries to use his boots (while he is still in them might it be added) as kindling, but in the process setting fire to Rogues best jeans and Remy's 'I love Rogue' t-shirt.

"That's it get her!" Eric yells pointing at the small yet far from harmless mutant just because he's bored and the fact that he hasn't been able to persecute any humans in a while.

The housemates each grab a flailing limb and stuff Kat into the cannon and fire hr over the mansion walls.

"WWWWHHHHHHEEEEEEEE…..I'm a birdeeeee…*Splat* Ow!" 

**12:06PM******

Hank has come to the dairy room in a state of obvious distress.

_"Hello Hank what appears to be the problem?"_

"Well Big Brother I am rather distressed due to the fact that I seem to have blanked out huge sections of the day. For example lets take today's task I am informed by Victor that I played a huge roll in the proceedings yet in can not remember them. Also I have discovered that large areas of my body are lacking fur, and the areas where my fur is regular are incredibly matted and give the impression of having been brushed through with Velcro." Hank sits in the chair hyperventilating "It also has come to my attention that the ginger fire creating mutant has disappeared, there's also this cannon in the garden and then there's the little people behind the mirrors that watch me while I shower and have a knowing glint in their eyes even though I can't see their eyes, I know that its there!"

Big Brother loses patience with Hanks ramblings _"Go away and come back when you are not so demented"_

**3:56PM******

Rogue is going to the delivery room to pick up the housemates shopping, in the background Remy can be heard humming the song he was singing earlier before seeing Rogue and bursting into song, however his choice of Lyrics are somewhat unfortunate.

_"Left alone with big fat fatty,_

_She was such a naughty…."_

"What was that Swamp rat?" Rogue says looking like a bull that has seen a red flag "You sayin' ahm fat?"

"No…" Remy stutters losing his cool flirtatious manner that he is famed for

*Thwack*

Rogue dusts her hands off muttering 'That will show him…' before flinging open the delivery door and finding Kat sat in a trolley surrounded by food, and a banana poking out of her left nostril.

"Kat…ah…" Rogue says panicking about what Kats reaction to being flung out of a cannon will be.

Kat flings herself at Rogues legs "its ok I forgive you….can we do it again it was fun…especially when my head went bang and split the tree in half…"

Rogue sighs in relief at Kats happy reaction…that is until she realises her butt is on fire.

**5:07PM******

Big Brother calls Remy to the diary room

_"Hello Remy, if you were to win the game what would you spend the winnings on?"_

"Remy would buy a love shack in da shape of the ace of clubs an' he would build the worlds largest collection of playing cards….Remy would also buy a casino"

_"Ok enough about this Remy guy what would you do?"_

"I am Remy!"

_"Oh…..ok…..you may leave"_

**5:32PM******

Big Brother has called Kat into ask her the same question

_"If you were to win the game what would you spend the winnings on?" _

"What game? There's a game? Is it a karaoke contest?" Kat says looking hopeful before thinking for a moment "I hope it isn't monopoly coz it hurts when you swallow the green houses"

_"No I was referring to Big Brother"_

"Ohhhh, I'd buy matches and a big bonfire, or a jungle whatever's cheapest" Kat then begins to laugh manically before burping.

Victor enters the diary room as Kat exits.

_"Victor what would you do with the money you would collect if you was to be voted the winner of Big Brother 2003?"_

"Well I would open an adoption centre for orphaned or unwanted mutant children as I feel I have developed a strong bond with the younger members of the Big Brother experience"

_"Awww that's very nice Victor…"_

"I haven't finished yet, I would also build a safari park where I could keep animals specifically to hunt, kill and maim the animals"

_"Ok, now you've worried me!"_

**Who's your fav? Who annoys you the most? Let me know! Also any suggestions for future plot threads are hungrily received…my motivation has left a gaping hole in the proceeds of the last few months so lets get it back up to scratch by reviewing! Remember my all time ambition is to get over 50 reviews…so if you could help out please do.**

**Hope you enjoyed the chapter!**


	10. Domination and nominations!

**Sorry I haven't updated in ages but I've been busy passing my driving test, reading some of the other wonderful fics out there (I really recommend _xXrogue-demonXx stories __Hell is spelled Angel and __Raised by the X-men fics they are freakin' hilarious!!!)_**

 Thank you all for your reviews they are greatly appreciated in response to xXRogue-DemonXx Rogue will start being a_ little_ (emphasis on the little) nice to Remy soon!

Also to Regret1017 I dont feel I know enough about the characters you mentioned to write about them at this point however I may some time in the future do a sequel to this (after I have done an X-men Evolution one) featuring the characters you mentioned!

Hyperwriter I gave serious thought to putting Kurt in but to be honest the reason I decided against it was solely due to his accenti have difficulty writing Rogue and Remy's as it is but maybe he may get a small cameo sometime…but he will defiantly be in the evo one.

May Black the prize is money…how much I ain't decided yet and as for who wins you'll have to keep reading and maybe even cast a few votes to find out!

Anyway on with the show….

**Day 13 in the ****Big****Brotherhood****Mansion**** ~ Nomination day**

**11:39AM******

Remy is wandering around the mansion doing nothing in particular except for flicking ash over Logan's sleeping form (who's Big Brothers resident psychiatrist tell us is Remy's love rival). He is quietly humming T.A.T.U 'All the things she said'.

"Whatcha doin'?" Bobby asks Remy innocently eyes huge and Bambi like.

Remy blinks at Bobby for a second as if waiting for him to pull out a machine gun "Nutt'in'"

"Ok" Bobby blinks back at Remy for a moment "Do you want some Pritt stick?" Bobby asks holding out the fore mentioned Pritt stick before biting a chunk off and chewing it animatedly.

"No t'anks Remy be fine" 

"You don't know what you are missing!" Bobby says through a mouthful of the white glue (luckily Pritt sticks ain't very strong or he might not be able to open his mouth…wait is that a bad thing?)

**12:12PM******

Victor is watching the chickens 'frolic' (hey Victors phrasing not mine) with each other, every now and again he is heard to giggle like a freckly gap toothed kid. 

*SHRIEK*

Victors head jerks up as he tries to locate where the shriek came from

*SHHHHRRRRIIIEEEEKKK* "HELP!"

Victor looks longingly at the chickens with a sigh before heading off towards the girly shriek.

"Scott what's wrong?" He says looking across to where Scott is cowering and biting his lip in fear as tears well up in his eyes.

Scott points a shaky finger to a small clump of foliage

"What?" Victor gets on his hands and knees and peers at the plant

"Cat…at…ip…illler" Scott chokes out

Sabretooth holds the green hairy caterpillar up and peers at it quizzically "Poor little caterpillar" He mumbles as the caterpillar squirms between his clawed hands.

"_Get it awaaaaayy from me!" Scott says hiding behind the marshmallow tree creating a barrier between him and the fearsome creature of the wild._

Victor nods sadly as he dangles the caterpillar that above his head which he tilts back opening his mouth so the camera gets a good look at his teeth. Slowly he drops the caterpillar in his mouth and chews it slowly savouring the taste before swallowing.

"YUCK! VICTOR JUST ATE A CATERPILLER!"  Scott sing songs imitating the grass that everyone hates at school, wait did I just say imitating. 

All the other housemates step out of the patio doors and point and laugh….

Victor looks up at his fellow comrades tears welling up in his eyes. "All I wanted was to be accepted…" He sniffs

Bobby looks at his pet sadly "KITTY!" He cries running up to him and hugging him.

Bobby looks around to where Kat has just set fire to a branch, he grabs it off of her "Back you brutes…back I say!" He waves the flaming branch in front of him as one would to a pack of wolves if in the wild. 

Eric shrugs and makes hi way back to the mansion, Logan wets his fingers and puts out the small flaming branch shaking his head in disgust before going back into the house following the other housemates who are planning a game of limbo.

"Wait comes back…." Scott pleads in a small voice

"See I protected you Kitty like you protected me" Bobby said with a proud grin

"I know kid" Victor beams down at his friend 

"I love you Kitty"

"I love you too kid"

**12:57PM******

Eric has come to the diary room to speak to Big Brother

_"Hello Eric"_

"Hello Big Brother. I came here to once again plead the case of taking charge of this wishy washy group. They need domination especially the mutant name Logan, god knows how he lives from one day to the next without someone there to guide him, he's incompetent and a complete sissy."

_"Okay"_

"Scott also needs some good ol' fashioned hatred instilled into him, he is so full of love and life it is quiet simply revolting. I tell you he wouldn't get away with wandering around the savage land naked without getting his chopper bitten in half; he just doesn't look after it. Now if I had a chopper like that I would be polishing it everyday, regardless of how far away it was."

_"I take it you mean his helicopter"_

"Yes what else do you think I'm talking about?"

_"I just wanted to clear that up was all?"_

"Well okay…" Eyes Big Brother camera suspiciously "So what do you say?"

_"Do as you wish Eric Big Brother is losing interest in the housemates"_

"Yay!" Eric punches the air before colouring and coughing "I mean…good…good" Eric stumbles out of the door.

Eric stares in a mixture of horror, admiration and disgust as he is met by Remy jumping from chair to chair, serenading his one love (Rogue) with a rendition of 'Under the sea' ala Sebastian the crab.

_"…Darlin' its better,_

_Down where its wetter,_

_Take it from me!" _

Remy stops to blow a kiss at Rogue before continuing his performance which has Bobby, Hank and Kat clapping and swaying in unison. Kat in fact has even lit the tip of her finger and is waving in the same manner as people at concerts wave their lighters, ok so she set light to Scott's trousers, what does it matter? He hardly keeps them on for long anyway.

"What the hell is going on here?" Remy stops in his tracks and looks shamefacedly at Eric whose face has turned the same colour as that fancy cape of his. "I turn my back for one minute and look what happens….well let me tell you there shall be some changes around here starting NOW!"

"Says you and who's army?" Logan questions defiantly

Several forks and knifes fly towards the housemates hovering just in front of their faces

"Ohhhh pointy!" Kat says in a voice of wonder as she tries to pluck one the fork from the air but finding it refusing to budge.

Logan whimpers as a fork hovers dangerously close to his crown jewels.

"Yeah that's what I thought!" Eric says puffing out his chest in triumph.

**3:01PM******

Eric's rain of terror continues in the X Big Brotherhood mansion, he has threatened housemates with everything from paperclips to frying pans, from safety pins to his fist.

"This sucks" Rogue grumbles as she cleans all the metal objects out of the pool to avoid 'unnecessary rust'.

"I agree my dear, I fear Eric has taken his charade of Robin Hood to far" Hank is washing all the 'child spit' off of the marshmallow tree.

"Robin hood?" 

"Well see if you can come up with any better at such short notice!" Hank says grumpily not having forgotten his blank spots from the day before and the funny matting of his fur having awoken from the fore mentioned blank spots.

"Ah can't stand this anymore!" Rogue says rolling up her sleeves

"Oh dear…that can only mean one thing…" Hank shakes his head in dismay.

**In Eric's head quarters alias the kitchen**

"Well if monsieur Eric not like 'Under da sea' den Remy can sing a different song" Remy protests as Rogue strides through the door and grabs Eric by the wrist.

*Gulp*

A smile spreads slowly across Remy's face as he watches what goes on between Rogue and Eric "Remy knew Rogue help him out…." However the smile dies on Remy's lips as he watches Rogue embrace Eric

"Ya know sugah I always admired a man who is not afraid to take charge" Rogue drawls into Eric's ear

Eric looks shocked for a moment before he grins "Well had I known that my dear it is a course of action I should have endeavoured to make earlier."

Remy's face drops and tears well up in his Red and Black eyes as he walks dejectedly out of the room.

**4:00PM******

"Ha ha I hit Henry!" Bobby exclaims running around the pool having just pelted the blue mutant with a condom (found in Logan's bedside cabinet) full of water.

"Why you little!" Henry runs after Bobby sounding more mirthful than the threat would imply.

"Your IT!" Bobby yells at Victor happily as he runs giggling with Hank and hides behind the Marshmallow tree.

Victor looks full of the thrill of the chase as he collides with Kat who is toasting (by the way of cremating) a chunk of marshmallow.

"YOUR IT!" Victor yells in his deep gravely tones.

Kat looks up slightly startled

"Ohhh I get it…." Kat says finally seeming to catch on and running after Bobby "SNAP!!"

As if from nowhere a paperclip bent in the shape of a sea horse flies at Henrys ear and pierces it causing blood to gush….ok ok seep through his wound and mat…ok ok slightly dampen the fur surrounding it.

"Ohhhh ketchup" Kat says beginning to drool.

Hank looks more surprised than hurt or angry

"Assassination!" Victor yells at the top of his lungs to alert the others of the dangers facing them.

Kat covers her finger with Hanks blood and licks it off "Mmm…Tomatoey goodness…that tastes like the metal monopoly pieces"

**Moments later in the sitting room.******

Eric is sat with Rogue on his withered up old mans lap as he is surrounded with his minions.

"It seems we are under attack from those evil metal objects known by the common populace as PAPERCLIPS!" Dr. McCoy informs his housemates.

"Are they what we eat for dinner?" Kat asks looking up fro the square of carpet on which she is gnawing.

The housemates decide to ignore the teen in the ever elusive hope that she will go away if ignored for long enough. 

"So what exactly are we going to do about this infestation of metal objects?" Eric says trying to keep a serious face the others seeming oblivious to the fact that this was all in fact Eric's doing

Bobby waves his hand in the air 

"What is it kid cant ya see were doin' big people stuff?" Logan asks Bobby irritably

"Big people" Rogue snorts an obvious jibe at Logan's height

Logan scowls menacingly at Rogue, the camera does a close up of that look, which reveals abundant nose hair.

Bobby and Kat are now both waving their hands in the air.

Hank and Victor smile gently at the 'children' "Go on Kat you speak first"

"Can I go wee? I'm busting'" She says as Hank shakes his head.

"You may" Victor says warmly

"Way to get rid o' the kid!" Logan says holding his hand up waiting for Victor to high five lets just say he was waiting a long time.

Bobby's hand waving is now becoming frantic and small straining sounds are coming from him

"What is it sugah?" Rogue says crouching in front of him in the same manner as you would crouch in front of a whining puppy, which in a way he is. 

"Well we're protected from the evil pointy thingy m bobs cause we got Eric and he can train 'em to be good like that car he lifted up and the paperclips he made in to animals. He can protect us!" Bobby grins knowingly

"Oh my stars and garters, young Robert is right!" Hank exclaims in surprise

"ALL HAIL KING ERIC!" Victor yells bowing down at his feet a move mirror by all the other housemates bar Rogue.

**Nomination time**

Bobby bounces into the diary room on a pogo stick before falling in heap on the floor with a loud crack

"Ow my head" He says rubbing the sore spot luckily there was nothing in his head to harm "My first nomination is for Scott because he smells icky, kinda like stale fake cheese. My second nomination is for Kat because she keeps following me around and trying to hold my hand and it makes me wanna barf…EW girl germs!"

Bobby then puts the pogo stick on his shoulders and bounces on the spot. "Man this thing is WILD!"

Eric floats into the room followed by an army of metal sporks, which he drops as soon as he enters the diary room.  
"I wish to nominate Remy because I feel he is my only real threat in the love rival front, after all what other competition do I have 3 ape men (no offence Hank) and a Chihuahua man. My second nomination is for the fore mentioned Chihuahua man, okay Scott Summers because this morning I woke up to him snuggling up to me and when I questioned him he said it was because he was cold and I was like a hot water bottle and to be quite frank Big Brother it scared me" Eric whimpers slightly as he walks dejectedly out of the diary room with his now limp sporks following them. A yell of "HE TAMED THE SPORKS" is heard from the living area.

Hank hula's in wearing a Bermuda shirt and a grass skirt

"Aloha Big Brother, my first nomination is for Logan because as someone who endeavours to open the channels of communication between the different mental generations within the mansion I feel Logan diminishes my good work by being quite frankly icy to Iceman and harsh to Kat. My second nomination is for Eric because I feel he is my main rival on the intellect scale, I have also after many hours of deliberation seen through his plan of domination over the housemates and while I would have succumbed to his leadership as I have to Scott's over the years if it was proposed in an honest, open way I object to his underhand way of doing things"

With that off of his chest Hank Limbo's out of the door under an imaginary pole.

Kat comes in hair a flame "Ohhh pretty camera…." Camera one is taken out of action due to a well aimed (or misaimed if she meant to hit the camera which she was looking at) fire ball.

"My first nomination would be for the piece of chalk by my bed because I think it is stalking me and giving me dirty looks, and I also want the man with the moustache off of the Pringles to go because he's got a mean face…"

_"Kat you have to nominate actual people not inanimate objects or cartoons"_

"Oh so I can vote for that lump of smelly cheese…"

_"Yep you can vote for Scott"_

"Who said anything about Scott, but now you mention it I do want him gone because he sings in the shower almost as good as me [viewers are reminded of the cracked tiles and shower cubicle which are testament to the pairs singing er….talent], I also want that man with the grey hair and the mean eyes to go because he need ironing."

"_You mean Eric?"_

"Maybe… yes Eric yes" Kat falls silent for a moment before running giggling from the room.

Logan comes in wearing pink bunny socks kindly loaned to him by Victor.

"I wanna boot out the brat Kat or whatever she's called cause she's too noisy and I wanna see the back end of Victor as he gets kicked out cause his mother Teresa attitude ain't foolin' me" With that Logan walks out scraping his claws along the wall as he does so.

Remy walks in in an 'I hate Eric' t-shirt.

"Remy wanna nominate Eric for stealin' his belle, he also wanna nominate Eric…."

_"You have to vote for 2 different people Remy"_

"D'oh! In dat case den Remy vote against Logan cause his body may lure my belle away from Eric and thus me!"

Remy charges up the chair with kinetic energy as he leaves the room.

Rogue walks in just as the chair explodes

"Dat damn Swamprat!" Rogue growls menacingly. "I vote for Remy cause he gives up on a gal to easily provin' he ain't as interested as he makes out.  I also wanna vote out whatever females are left in the house because they may take some of the attention which is reserved only for me"

_"That would be Kat then"_

"That's what ah just said!" Rogues stomps out of the room leaving small footprints pitted into the floor.

Scott minces in wearing a bright pink shirt proclaiming 'Gay Pride'

"Hi there, I would like to put Logan up for nomination because he is so grumpy, I don't think he realises what that scowl is doing to his complexion. I also think that Remy should go because I feel he may want to tae up the gay icon mantle from me and be better at it and the thought of it makes me cry"  And testament to truth Scott's visor begins to mist as he hurries from the room.

Victor prowls in to the room wearing a chicken feather coat with what looks like fish scale panels, it is a truly weird look.

"This gets harder every time I haveta do it. First person I would like to see be evicted is Scott for just being Scott and Hank for stealing the children's affections by plying them with sugary confectionary and almost as much love as I could give…" Victors bottom lip quivers "…I love those kids"

**Announcement on who is up for eviction**

The housemates are sat at the foot of King Eric's throne.

_"The housemates up for eviction are ….. In alphabetical order…. Eric…..Kat…"_

Sighs of relief are heard for the other housemates before remember this will displease the king and incur his wrath; however Big Brother hasn't finished yet.

_"…__Logan__…"_

"3 People up for nomination" Rogue exclaims in surprise

"_…Remy…"_

"Merde!"

_"….and Scott"_

"Oh golly gee whiz what fun this shall be!" 

"Shut up you dick" Logan growls

**Ok so who gets evicted you decide!! Review me who you think should go, all reviews are gratefully received, they are truly appreciated. So please do just that!**


	11. Conquistador

**Thanks to all who reviewed the last chapter and made that lil' dream of mine of getting over 50 reviews for a fic a reality- god bless your souls *sniffles* I would make a personal comment to you all but unfortunately I haven't got time today, but I want y'all to know that your reviews are what are keeping this fic going, without you we wouldn't be going anywhere! I have taken into account all of your votes but we had a tie break between 3 characters really so with the help of Oracles Maiden I choose who I think should be evicted from the 3! As Always a HUGE thank you!**

I hope you shan't be disappointed in this chapter…I was as I am finding it increasingly hard to think of things for the remaining characters to do and so this chapter may seem slightly disjointed! However please if you have any ideas on what you want to see inflicted upon the housemates next let me know.

**Day 14 in the X Big ****Brotherhood****Mansion******

**7:12AM******

Rogue has dragged herself out of bed determined to pour out her heart to Big Brother

"Ah feel so guilty, using a poor defenceless old man just to get outta a bit of housework. Its poor Remy ah feel sorry for left heartbroken, ah swear to god that ah heard him cry last naht."

Rogue grins evilly for a moment "Mind you, ya know what they say bout playin' hard ta get!"

Rogue skips happily out of the diary room before realising she looked _HAPPY and carefully placed that grumpy scowl on her face and stomped into the kitchen to throw some pans about to wake up the Cajun._

**8:10AM******

The housemates are gathered around the table for breakfast, Eric's previous reign of terror momentarily forgotten (well until he gets some coffee in him any way).

"Can I have some Crayons to colour my placemat in with?" Kat asks an agitated looking Logan

There is a momentary pause before the next question is asked 

"Do we have any live food?" 

Everyone looks at Victor and blinks for good measure.

"What?!" He shrugs looking exasperated

"Never mind I'll colour it in black!" Kat says setting light to the placemat and grinning at it manically.

Scott runs around clutching his head in his hands screaming "Someone call 911! FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY CALL _911!"_

Kat just stares at him with wide eyed innocence before Bobby puts it out (ok so he was trying to cool down his hot chocolate but he was hailed as a hero afterwards so who's gonna tell?)

The camera suddenly pan's to Hank who has caught the camera mans beady little eyes with his almost frantic hand gestures and gripping of his own throat.

"What's wrong Hankster?" Bobby asks as small tears of fear fall down his face and freeze there like little tearful icicles.

"I've seen that kind of behaviour before in my weapon X days. It looks like he's finally snapped due to the trauma of the last few days" Victor says between mouthfuls of his fish finger soup

"You and your weapon X days is that all you ever talk about?? You make it sound like you were the only one there!" With that Logan throws his chair backwards and stomps moodily into the boys bedroom where he slams the door so hard a crack forms up the wall.

"What porcupine did he sit on this morning?" Scott asks nibbling a slice of toast primly as he throws a pair of underwear over the back of Logan's now empty chair

"What the hell hell are you doing? Doing?" Eric asks having not drunk his morning coffee yet.

"Don't worry they just need airing then they will be ready for action."

Everyone backs their chairs slightly away from Scott's underwear and the smell which they emit.

"Is there something something wrong with him him?" Eric asks pointing a shaky finger at Hank, a finger that resembles that of someone who has been immersed in water for to long.

Hank is pointing at the light and wincing

"Its ok he'll get better soon" Victor reassures the group before leaning over to Kats plate and stealing an almost ashen sausage.

Rogue on the other hand is guarding her empty plate with a vicious ferocity, she has her knife and fork poised in such a way as warns others that she will stab their eyes out if they come near her. Remy however is oblivious to this as he weeps gently into his bowl, stopping momentarily to glance at Rogue and begin the whole ritual all over again.

_PHHHHRFFFFTTTT_ The sound cuts through the air like a pair of jeans ripping and is followed by an unholy stench.

"Robert Drake playing the tuba" Bobby announces before bowing in front of his 'adoring' crowd (adoring in the sense the have pinched their nose and are muttering 'Ew' and 'Disgusting', well all except Kat who announces that she should have lit it and made it last longer).

Dr. Henry McCoy sits silently for a moment apparently surveying the scene around him, before twitching violently. No one makes a move to help him, no one makes a noise (except Remy who is still weeping can you say get over it?), everyone watches with shock as Hank suddenly erupts into the most demonic yet highly contagious laughter known to mutant kind. It isn't long before all present are laughing.

Suddenly Logan opens the door to the bedroom takes one look at the kitchen table and its occupants before wailing in a strangely Un Logan/ Un manly voice "Why are you _always_ picking on me?" Logan tosses his 'hair' over his shoulder before slamming the door again and adding yet another crack to the map that is the ceiling.

**12:27PM******

Hank having gotten over his 'breakfast trauma' is now having a nice relaxing bath and singing Barry White, surely the most relaxing of relaxing pursuits. 

Suddenly the door bursts open to reveal a tear stricken…._Scott!_

"Oh my stars and $@%*£&# Garters what the name of all that is decent are you doing barging in here?" Hank yells in a manner that is indicative that this is no longer a pleasurable experience for him.

Scott just stares at Hank wide eyed "Does that fur go …."

Scott isn't able to finish his question as Hank begins to yell "RAPE" at the top of his lungs

Eric marches into the room (having drunk his supply of coffee for the morning and thus empowered) followed by his minions and Kat (who would want her as a minion?)

"Just what exactly is going on in here?" Eric asks in the manner of a judge

"I was leisurely using the bathroom facilities when that burst in with a stream of drool hanging from his fishlike mouth and…"Hank can not go on as he bursts into tears

Scott is stood looking shocked

"I always knew you were of the other persuasion, don't get me wrong I am not against such practices but when you try and enforce it on those of us who do not partake…well lets just say you should pack your bags" Eric points at the door.

"ALL HAIL OUR BRAVE AND WISE LEADER!" Logan cries flopping onto the floor and bowing, a movement echoed by all but Scott, Hank and Rogue (ya don't have to worship the leader if you've made him fancy you apparently).

**1:12PM******

The housemates are now sat at the dinner table listening to the instructions from they're new leader.

"Victor you shall be in charge of the poultry, Logan you shall do everyone's washing, I won't designate any jobs to Kat or Scott, cause Kats dangerous and Scott's a perv. Who will no doubt, if the public are sane, be booted out! Anyway as I was saying Rogue your job is to fawn over me, Remy has to clean out the toilet and swimming pool…"

"Who just kicked me??" Rogue explodes angrily "Was it you swamp rat?"

Remy looks up surprised "Non, how can it be Remy when he is sat right next to you?"

Rogue sees the sense in what he is saying and folds her arms grumpily.

**A Minute later….**

"Chere, I know dat Remy be irresistible but please no footsy under de table when Remy trying to listen!" Remy seems oblivious to the fact that this is what he has been wanting since he came into the house – a bit of action with Rogue no matter how small.

"It ain't me ya big lug, its that freak" Rogue points a gloved finger at Scott

"Merde…now Remy have to disinfect his leg!"

**2:00PM******

Scott has come to the diary room to speak to Big Brother.

"It's all got too much for me Big Brother, not only do I have to contend with bullies on an hourly basis but I must try and control my animal urges that are close to boiling point." Scott breaks down and weeps into his pink lacy hanky.

"You see I've found myself feeling attracted to…"

_"Your male housemates, yes big brother had guessed you was gay"_

"NO!"

_"Saucepans?"_

"NO!"

_"Curry powder?"_

"?!"

"_Dead people cause they don't find you boring?"_

Scott looks disgusted at Big Brothers accusation "No actually I was going to say the goldfish"

_"Oh my god the sooner you get out of here the better!"_

**2:30PM******

Bobby has been sing the batman theme for the last 47 minutes and 36 seconds

"Dunna nana nananannaanan BATMAN! BATMAN! BATMAN!"

"WHO IN THE NAME OF GOD WROTE THE SURPRISING ENDING TO THIS NOVEL ON ITS FIRST PAGE?" Comes Rogues yell as she stomps into the seating area

Bobby raises his hand still singing the Batman theme.

"WHY?!"

"Because Mr. Wheelie chair man said that I should practice my handwriting while I was away"

"You are one demented child!" Eric groans from where he is laying down his plans to invade the studio and then _THE WORLD._

"Least I didn't buy a bucket load of mint flavour dental floss just to lick the flavour off of it"

"Neither did I" Eric says in that annoying patronising voice of his

Bobby looks puzzled as he scratches his head "Your right you didn't that was me too!" 

 **3:17PM******

Hank and Kat are in the garden performing an investigation of the most scientific nature.

"_CROOOOAAAAAKKKK!"_

"What ya doin?" Victor asks pouncing over to the pair

"We're doing a public investigation into how slowly we can croak." Hank informs Victor in his best 'I have a diploma' voice.

"Oh can I join in? Can I? Can I?" Creed bounces on the spot excitedly.

Hank gets his stopwatch ready and awaits Victor to begin.

"_BUUUUUURRRRPPPP!"_

"No! You're meant to croak not burp!"

Victor hangs his head shamefully "Sorry can I try again?"

"Sure!"

**3:30PM******

Rogue is watching the proceedings of the experiment from the safety of the mansion

"What d'ya fink they're doin' out there swamp rat?"

"Ohh la la! Remy tink dat da belle is beginning to warm to Remy!"

"Ya ain't as bad as ya seemed at first and at least ya don't smell like cabbage like bucket head."

"Ohh la la! Remy take dat as a compliment!" 

Eric stands up suddenly and waves his hands

"The leader has a message for us!" Logan yells drawing the others in from outside

Eric puffs out his chest importantly clad in his cape which reads 'Magnificent one'.

"From henceforth I shall be known by one and all as Conquistador!" 

"Ohh la la!"

"Swamp rat?"

"Ohh la la! You called Remy chere?"

"Shut up with the Ohh la la already!"

**5:58PM******

The housemate's thoughts have turned to the evictions that are looming upon them.

"I don't wanna leave!" Scott bawls pounding the floor with his fists "You can't make me if I don't wanna!"

"Shut up ya ugly runt!" Victor growls his calm exterior slipping for the first time since he has entered the mansion.

Kat however seems oblivious from the fact that the house will soon be one housemate short as she walks around before homing in on Logan.

"Excuse me oh creepy clawed one but can I ask what gender you are?"

Logan looks at Kat as if he's going to throttle her *Snickt*

"Oh I get it your one of those hermit crabs that Ash told me about" Kat edges away from Logan until she bumps into the wall which she promptly apologises to.

Hank has chosen to escape the gloomy atmosphere residing upon the house as the housemates hope that this will be their lucky day and Scott will finally get the boot and is in the garden 'mowing' the lawn with a pair of toenail scissors.

Eric or Conquistador is looking closely at a map deliberating which island should become his mutant haven from where he shall launch his attacks against those annoying squatters on Camberley road, oh and don't forget those pesky humans. 

Bobby is signalling that his conversation with his imaginary friend, given the original name of Bobby, has come to a close by clamping his hands over his ears and singing 'Jingle Bells'.

While in the corner Rogue and Remy are conversing…not *shock horror* arguing. 

As you can see Eviction night affects the housemates in very different ways. 

**6:30**** Eviction time**

_"The forth person to be Evicted from the Big Brother mansion will be….."_

Remy is twitching nervously, while Logan is polishing his claws ready to slice and dice all who voted for him.   
The camera now pans to the other nominee's: Eric is debating between New Zealand and Ireland for his mutant haven, while Scott has stuffed a jockstrap bearing a picture of Xavier on the front in his mouth and Kat is seen to be playing cats cradle with her feet.

_"KAT!"_

There is a collective groan of disappointment from the other housemates as they realise that Scott will be staying

Kat looks up startled "I DIDN'T DO IT!"

Rogue explains to Kat in an uncharacteristically friendly manner what Big Brother means.

Kats face contorts in pain as she yells "MAY TERROR RAIN ON ALL OF YOUR HOMES…."

Kat thinks for a moment "…accept Bobby's coz you live where I do…" She pauses again and blinks "…or Eric's coz you're the leader and you have good fashion sense and you look like you've been in the bath too long."

**7:15PM******

The housemates are in uproar that Scott has remained in the house, several have tried suicide seeing this as the only way out. Big Brother is now making a surprise announcement to the housemates

_"Due to the unrest among the housemates Big Brother has decided to award you with a party tomorrow..."_

A screech is heard from behind Logan as the camera spins to see Scott being dragged away by Big Brother officials (otherwise known as Colossus and Pete Wisdom).

"_SAVE ME! __LOGAN__ PLEASE SAVE ME!" Scott pleads as he is dragged out of the door_

Logan folds his arms over his chest "Now why would I wanna do a silly thing like that bub?"

_"…yes that was the other thing; we've decided to evict Scott"_

**Thanks for reading! Remember feel free to leave me ideas, let me know who you want up for eviction next or just let me know what you think! In fact I beg you to do the above! Much thanks!**


	12. Potato Man!

_Disclaimer: I don't think I'm hot but it's what your man keeps telling me!_

**I apologise profusely for the long wait for this chapter, however I shall make no excuses and admit to my own laziness being the cause of this delay!**

xXrogue-demonXx~ Kat makes a few appearances in this chapter but it shall be last we shall see of her till the finale which should be a bit of fun to write! Also you may see one of your ideas in here!! So many thanks to you!! Also in case your interested the new Retribution X fic should be finished either tonight or by the early part of this week and I will post it when I can! Now hurry up and update! ;0P

Regret1017~ Many thanks for the review and I have included your idea however I don't feel I did it justice…we may see more of it later tho to try and rectify the situation! No promises though!

Trunksblue~ Guess what I'm gonna say…I used your idea to so thanks too, it was just the kind of thing I needed to sow the seed of discontent in the camp…mwahahahahaha *ahem* Thanks for the review!!

Xx-Disturbed-xX~ With a threat as harsh as that how could I not hurry up and update!! Nice to know your back on board, thought that you had deserted us!  Hope to hear more from you soon!

Also many thanks go to Oracles Maiden and Mini Maiden both of whom have supported me 

Through out the creation of all my fics, with out their support, encouragement and ideas these fics wouldn't ever get written let alone posted! Now go and check out Oracles Fic especially 'Channel Hopping' which both features myself and my dysfunctional muses!!

So without further ado….

**Day 15 in the Big Brotherhood mansion~ Task day**

**10:01AM******

Henry has decided to miss the rather hectic breakfast session today to take another calming bath after the Scott related incident of the day before ruined his last one.

_"How much is that doggy in the window,_

_Woof woof,_

_The one with the waggley tail…"_

"ARGH! MONKEY BUTLER ALERT!" A hand points in the direction of the horrified blue mutant encasing his lower body in ice.

"ROBERT DRAKE WHEN I GET MY PAWS ON YOU…." Comes the eruption from the bath as once again the remaining housemates storm into the bathroom

"I thought he was one of those evil monkey butlers Kat always told me about and I panicked…now I'm scared" Bobby sob's as he hug's his Kitty (i.e. Victor)

"Shhh its ok little one the force shall protect you" Victor said in a very Obi Wan-esque voice

"Ya really think so Kitty?" Bobby sniffs looking up at the large blond mutant 

"I apologise for interrupting your little moment here people but SOME ONE GET ME OUT OF HERE!" Hank yells

Eric as leader of the house decides that in order to get anything done he should delegate tasks. 

"Logan fetch your hairdryer!" 

Logan blushes as he mumbles something bout not having a hairdryer

"Remy t'ink homme be lying, Remy say dat no ones hair look like dat naturalment."

"Can it Cajun!" Wolverine growls swatting at Remy's head as he stomps off in search of his hair'o'matic deluxe.

**11:06AM******

Logan is still trying to defrost Hank and Eric is having a debate with all of the other housemates except for Bobby, who Eric branded (rather harshly) 'immature'.

Bobby walks over to the mirrors and begins to primp in his iced up form. However for some reason he is peering at the mirror rather closely before muttering in a rather frenzied manner 

"No, no it can't be!" He peers closer before clapping his hands to his face ala Home Alone "ARGH!"

For no reason the camera falls to the ground as a high pitched voice shrieks "GLORIA GAYNOR RULES!" Then added quieter "Look there's a nickel" 

The sound of a camera man in distress reaches the audience as red splashes onto the camera lens.

**Moments later…**

Bobby has run into the kitchen to inform the other housemates of the 'behind the mirror incident'.

"Behind the mirror there was a ….."

"I know your reflections scary kid but ya should have gotten used to it by now…I have" Victor says by way of comfort as Eric continues to lay down the Big Brotherhood Mansion law.

Eric stops mid rant and points at Bobby before pointing to the door and making funny shooing noises.

"But…"

"We've had enough of your pranks for today Robert…now go and play with a plug or something…" Eric practically pushes Bobby out of the Kitchen.

Bobby sits dejectedly with his back against the wall before plucking up the courage to look into the mirror again

He walks cautiously over to it, taking in a deep breath and puffing out his chest as he does so; suddenly he sees a shadow move behind him. He turns around so quickly that he almost over balances, only to find nothing behind him. Bravely Bobby takes a last shaky step to the mirror.

Bobby sighs a sigh of relief as he notices that the only thing he can see in the mirror is his reflection, however that is until he notices that shiny almost blade like object being held over his head.

"HI YA!" Comes a high pitched (to say nothing of demented) and bone chilling voice

The camera zooms into what has turned out to be in fact a mirror disco ball not a knife after all.

"ARGH! ZOMBIE!" Bobby yells as he flops into a heap on the floor.

Piotr and Pete Wisdom (the Big Brother bodyguards) come to drag the gate crasher out of the mansion, the latter puffing on a cigarette.

"I LOVE YOU BOBBY!"

Bobby shakes his head in disbelief as Eric and Rogue walk in to see what all the noise is about

"Did you just see Kat?" Bobby asks

Rogue and Eric look at each other before shaking their heads 

"The boys love sick" Eric mumbles as he walks from the room regally as Rogue follows behind him pulling faces at his back. 

**11:49AM******

Hank has finally escaped his icy prison; however he has locked himself in the boy's bedroom until he regains the feeling in his toes. Victor is playing with Bobby in the deluded hope that it will calm the young man down from his 'ghostly experience'. 

"See Bobby this here…" Victor points to a picture of a red mini in a child's learning to read book "…is a car!"

"Wow!" Bobby looks thoughtfully for a moment "Are they like space hoppers?"

Victor laughs and ruffles Bobby's hair fatherly

Rogue storms into the room "AH HATE THIS HOUSE!"

Victor indicates that Bobby should continue reading alone as he walks over to Rogue to throw a comforting arm over her shoulders.

"Ah'm sorry Victor, it's just the confinement it getting to me." She sniffles as Victor hands her a tissue from one of his many pockets

"Staying with idiots like Eric isn't helping any is it?" Rogue shakes her head slowly "I should know I live with him quite a lot on the outside" Victor chuckles softly as way of comfort

Logan who has been surveying the scene from the door suddenly bursts in anger.

"CANT YOU PEOPLE SEE WHAT HE'S DOING? HE'S TRYING TO GET YOU ALL ON SIDE SO HE CAN SLOWLY MUTILATE YOU AT A LATER DATE!" 

Rogue and Bobby blink at Logan for a few seconds before going back to what they were doing before

"RIGHT THAT'S _IT_ I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE!"_ With that Logan stomps from the room and into the garden where he scales the wall easily and escapes to the other side_

**(Switches to security footage)**

Logan lands on the floor before scouting around to check the coast is clear, it takes him a moment to realise what he is looking at…however it appears to be horrifying enough to drive him to clawing his way up the wall in a bid to get back _in _to the mansion.

**Back in the mansion grounds**

Logan is stood looking slightly pale and his shirt has a scorch mark by the butt.

"So ya come back den mon brave?" Remy says as he leans against the chicken coup puffing slowly on a cigarette.

"It…it was waiting for me" Logan shakes violently for a second in a manner betraying a nervous twitch

"Le petite Chat?" 

"No I don't want a chat I was on about Kat…" Logan looks angry for a second

"Actually monsieur Chat means Kat in…" Logan wanders off after a butterfly "…why does Remy bother?"

**12:29PM******

Logan is searching frantically for his boots, throwing things at the door in the process.

"BOBBY! GET THE HELL IN HERE!" 

Bobby hops in a manner resembling Toad. "What's up angry potato man?" 

Logan lets this comment past as he glowers at the young man "WHERE THE HELL ARE MY BOOTS?"

Bobby shrugs as he looks up to the ceiling where for some reason Logan's best boots are.

Logan looks up at the ceiling puzzled "Why are they up there?" 

"Eric put them up there cause Kitty wanted to use them as a litter tray and kept wandering around the house with em in his mouth"

"….O….k…." Logan's puzzlement increases before shaking his head like a wet dog "How am I meanta get em down?"

Bobby shrugs again still stood on one foot; this shrug however makes him over balance and crash to the floor where he lays giggling.

Logan rushes to the door "Get your butt in here Bucket head!" He yells hoarsely

Eric floats in dressed as Julius Caesar complete with gold Laurels. He says nothing and merely raises an eyebrow.

"What appears to be the problem?"

"We have a task in half an hour an' I ain't got no boots to do it in!" 

"What do you expect the emperor to do about it?" Eric ask's folding his arms over his chest

"Get 'em down!"

"Why don't you do it?"

"I can't reach 'em smart arse!"

"You should grow then!"

"?!" Logan is now wearing his very best potato face

"_JERRY, JERRY, JERRY!" Bobby calls fist in the air._

*Snickt* Logan approaches Eric slowly and menacingly, suddenly Logan flies into the mirror before being pinned to the ceiling, where he is just out of reach of his boots.

"It wasn't funny the first time you did this, an' it ain't funny now" Logan whines

Suddenly Rogue stomps in "Why can't you guys evah grow up?"

Logan suddenly falls to the floor with a crash

"I am in agreement with you Rogue, Logan is very immature for a man of his advancing years."

*Smack*

"I was talkin' bout you too bucket head" Eric crashes to the floor with a clunk (it's the helmet) as Rogue kicks him in the head 

Logan looks at Rogue shocked for a moment, before pointing sheepishly to the ceiling and his boots.

Rogue sighs and hovers up to get them handing them over to Logan "He's been getting' on mah nerves all week" 

Logan watches as she leaves the room with a bemused expression on his face.

**1:00PM**** Task time**

The housemates have been fitted with the equipment they need to ensure safe completion (or failure) of the task. The equipment with which they have been garbed includes Water guns (full of Weedol), body armour and visors. 

Hank eyes Bobby angrily, while Eric (still dressed as Caesar) tries to catch Rogues eye, which is in fact staring longingly towards Remy who is shuffling a deck of cards absentmindedly. 

"Your going down bub" Logan growls quietly eyeing Victor with apparent animosity.

Victor however is talking animatedly to the ant crawling up his arm.

The housemates have been briefed on their task and are expecting an attack to be launched at any moment, the object is to stop any of the attackers to gain access to the Marshmallow tree house, the attackers (mutant vegetables) will infiltrate the mansion from a number of entry points in the house, so the team will have to split up when the attackers arrive. To make the task that bit more difficult only two people at a time may guard the marshmallow tree directly, the people chosen for this task by Julius…er…Eric are Rogue and Victor. The rules state that NO mutant abilities may be used.

*BUZZ*

The signal has gone off and so the housemates split up to scout out the enemy.

"Logan…have you seen any of the enemy yet?" Bobby asks looking around suspiciously as 'Logan' (who is in fact a mutant potato) bounces up to him leaving a potato juice trail behind him.

_"BOBBY LOOK OUT" Comes a rather startled baritone yell as Bobby is knocked unceremoniously out of the path of the red and blotchy potato._

"Why Henry. P. McCoy my hero!" bobby batted his eyelashes in jest.

Hank just 'Humph'ed and continued to blast vegetable butt

"Can I stay with you?" Bobby asked sweetly clinging to Hanks arm, Hank made no reply however so Bobby continued to talk "It scares me cause they look kinda like Logan when he's mad and I get all confuzzled and….is that a butterfly?"

Hank remained silent

"You know Kitty?" Still Hank made no noise as he shot a killer radish out of the window where it landed on the patio and slowly shrivelled up and died. "Well he always told me that vegetable's where the enemy and that I should eat more meat, preferably the uncooked type"

Hank sighed and resigned himself to the fact that he would be stuck with the goon for the rest of the task.

**1:30PM******

The task was a success and as a reward the housemates will be rewarded with a party tomorrow the theme of which is undecided and shall be put to the public vote. The housemates have also for the second time won ridiculously large amounts of food of which Victor is stealing all the raw meat from to stow away under his mattress of course when I saw his mattress I mean Bobby's after all the boys like a walking freezer.

**2:45PM******

Remy is in the garden smoking another cigarette, Rogue has gone out to join him.

"Heya sugah" She says softly sitting on the picnic table

"Petite" Remy nods curtly at her

"What's wrong swamp rat? Ain't ya gonna smile for me?"

"Remy not gonna force himself were he's not wanted. Remy not blind, he see dat chere has a fing for da bucket head."

"Who told ya that?"

"It be true though, non?" He can not keep the tone of hope out of his voice.

"Can't ya see I'm just usin' him ta get outta the chores?" Rogue says softly "There's only one person in this house I'm interested in"

"And who be that?" Remy asks a grin splitting his face

"Hank" 

Remy's face falls but Rogue giggles "It's you really ya swamprat" 

Rogue walks back into the mansion leaving a stunned silence behind her.

**7:04PM******

_"VIVE LE RESISTANCE!" Remy yells over zealously as he makes a grab for the nearest pitch fork_

While Bobby opts for the easier "_MUTINY"_

Logan and Beast carry Eric aloft gagged and tied but still dressed as Julius Caesar to the bonfire that has been erected out of the chicken coup just for the occasion.

"We've had enough o' you tyranny bub, it times you were dropped" Wolverine growls dumping Eric on the floor as he begins to tie him to the steak.

"Help me Rogue, please…." Eric pleads, snot dribbling over his top lip 

 Rogue however buffs her nails on her top "Not this time sugah"

Bobby, Hank and Victor do a strange sacrificial dance around the soon to be lit bonfire on which Logan is tying Eric…tight

Suddenly as if from nowhere a shadowy figure jumps out…yep you guessed it Kat.

"Argh!" Came the small strangled cry from Victor

"See I told you I hadn't eaten the funny mushrooms Kitty" Bobby said triumphantly

Kat upon seeing Eric tied to the bonfire got rather confused and sent a fire ball at Magneto causing his highly flammable cape to catch fire. This action in turn then leads to Eric's power of magnetism to go temporarily awry as he tries (fruitlessly) to blow out the fire. Logan caught up in the magnetic force that Magneto projected, accidentally pops his claws and fall's forward due to the force and stabs poor Bobby in the process. Bobby in his fear freezes the nearest thing to hand…poor Hank, who falls straight on top of a startled Cajun, cigarette still dangling from his lips. Gambit frightened, scared and very, very crushed tries to attract Rogues help by trying to claw his way up her leg, but, alas, to no avail as Rogue walks off kicking Remy in the head for good measure.

"Ooopppssiiee!" Kat giggles "My bad!"

Piotr and Pete come in wheeling a little trolley and fix a mask on Kats face before shoving her into a straight jacket ala Hannibal Lecter. All the while Eric is still slowly smouldering.

Victor it seems is paralysed by the drool dangling from his lip threatening to run down his chin.

**8:00PM******

Order has been restored to the Big Brotherhood mansion.  The injuries sustained in the last domino like catastrophe are as follows (as reported by Dr Reyes and Dr McCoy):

Eric Lensherr has suffered 3rd degree burns on his back and neck both arms and legs are in casts due to the effect of being stamped on in the hope that the fire will snuff out. He has been removed from the Big Brotherhood mansion due to the risk of his life incurred over the last hour and for fear of similar occurrences in the future.

Gambit is likely to be on crutches (until the next episode at least) as he has suffered a badly crushed femur. One good thing did come out of this however as Rogue is fawning over the 'poor injured soldier'.

Bobby it turns out was just scratched and the phrase stabbed was a bit over dramatic, however for his trouble he got a band aid and a Twinkie.

Hank having defrosted quickly from next to the burning old man has lived to tell the tale, however he is not at the moment man enough to speak to Bobby and make friends again.

Logan it appears has taken on some kind of electrical (or maybe magnetical) charge causing lights to dim in his presence and plays havoc with the filter in the fish tank.

Victor is sulking at being deprived of man flesh and has sought solace in the comfort of raw steak.

**Look out for the next chapter which I hope to have written and posted by Crimbo!!**

**So until then do review!!**

***Ellie***


	13. Shoe to the head

**Yay****! I've finally found the time to update- go me! Lol! But seriously sorry for keeping you guys waiting and I apologise in advance if this isn't up to scratch, I've been having a motivation issue lately, what with xmas and all…so…yeh, Sorry!**

Cris-X- Your reviews have inspired a moment or two in this chapter, keep your eyes peeled for em (not that you could really miss it its HUUUGGGEE!) Anyway much thanks for these reviews which took me over the 70 mark!! GO YOU!! *Gets all excited* This has got the most reviews for any of my fics (tho technically 'No Added Sugar' got the most per chapter but its only a one shot!) Anyway it was great to here your views, but sorry neither Angel or Psylocke are gonna make an appearance, though after this series I'm thinking of doing another one whether 'Evolution style' or the same as this but different mutants is yet to be decided!

Ncsgirl~ You're back!! Bout time you updated your Xmen fics though don't ya think? Wheres the Xmas special ya promised? Hope to see you about soon! Your presence has been duly noticed and greatly missed *pulls sad face*. Hope ya had a nice Xmas, and I promise to email you soon, maybe even tonight!!

Trunksblue~ Yeh the 'man flesh' was the really obvious connotation of it meaning literally Eric's flesh, sorry it wasn't very sophisticated! Lol. My gags are too simple, I really need to bring this up to my Retribution X standard, I think they are a lot more fun! (Well to write anyway!)

Pyromaniac666~ Hey what made you change your name? Sorry I didn't update in 3 days *guilty face* I'll be honest and admit I am just plain lazy! Does that mean that Eric Kat and Scott are gonna pay me a visit? Better late then never write? *Gulps*

And last but not least….

xXRogue-DemonXx~ Yep I used the bonfire! I'm so glad you suggested it, ya know the ol' muses ain't been working to full capacity on this fic's out put so I rely heavily on you guys suggestions…and when they are as good as they have been I get inspired to actually write, especially as the next Retribution X fic is causing me major headaches. I do have another one shot coming out soon though! It's my first attempt to be serious outside of *those* R X stories so I'm really not sure how it will work out. I hope it don't burn no ones eyes out!! Lol!

**Day 16 in the X Big Brotherhood mansion~ Nomination day**

**8:30AM******

"Hank wake up" Bobby shakes Hanks shoulder in a bid to wake the big guy up "Come on you big lummox I've got a surprise for you"

"Robert, I feel I should remind you that I am not communicating with you after the events that took place yesterday" Hank growls sniffily before maturely poking his tongue out and turning his back to Bobby

"Awww come on Hank just come and see it then you can ignore me" Bobby pokes a big furry shoulder

Silence fills the room for a minute or two.

"GET YOUR FURRY BLUE BEHIND UP!" Bobby says clambering on to the bits of mattress not occupied by Dr McCoy's large limbs before bouncing up and down while singing 'I know a song that will get on your nerves'.

This carries on for a few minutes before a huge boot attacks Hanks head as if from nowhere. 

Hank sits upright and rubs the spot where his head made contact with the projectile

"I fear that you aim needs to be improved Logan" Hank says soberly 

"Nah it don't, it hit you didn't it…now do what the brat says and save yourself a world o' hurt" With that Logan turns over and instantly begins snoring

Bobby looks at Logan for a minute "Geez and to think he said I'm noisy, it sounds like hurricane Susan's in here." 

Hank gets up and stretches

Suddenly Logan snores particularly loudly 

"Oh my God he's trying to suck us in!" Bobby exclaims before acting like he's being sucked in by another of Logan's tremendous snores, Hank tries to smother the grin that threatens to crack his face by pulling a loose sweater over his head.

When Hank is fully dressed Bobby tugs on his large hand and directs him to the garden where, next to the world renowned Marshmallow tree, is a huge Twinkie tree.

"Bobby is that…?" 

"Yes Hank it's a Twinkie tree, I grew it especially for you" Bobby looks proudly at his creation.

Hanks eyes mist over as he grabs Bobby and gives him a huge bear huge before ruffling his hair

"It's the best present I have ever had"

"That's ok Hankster; I wanted to say sorry but without actually saying the words" There is silence between the two of them before Bobby moves swiftly "WEDGIE"

Hank jumps startled "Oh my stars and Garters"

He begins chasing after Bobby, earlier feelings of upset between the two forgotten.

**9:01AM******

Big Brother has made the announcement that there will be no replacements for Eric and that nomination will go ahead as normal. He also announced that there is a stash of toothpicks and cocktail umbrella's under the sink in the case of an emergency or attack (both Kat related). 

**9:10AM******

Bobby has decided to 'cook' breakfast as a surprise for the other housemates.

"What ya rustled up for us this mornin' shrimp?" Rogue asks ruffling Bobby's hair as he stops what he is doing to glower at her for a moment

"It's a surprise!"

Hank doesn't look bothered by the fact that Bobby is cooking his breakfast, Remy on the other hand is twitching like a flea at the prospect.

"Here we go…" Bobby walks over to the table carrying two breakfast bowls full of…_ice cream "This is one of my favourites, it has chocolate chips and just a hint of mint….I thought it might help with your mouth odour Logan"_

Logan snarls in Bobby's direction sending him scuttling back to the counter, before returning with two more bowls one for Victor and one for Hank.

Hank looks into his bowl before clapping his hands and squealing like an excited toddler. 

"Is this what I think it is Master Drake?"

"It sure is, its Twinkies (freshly picked today) and cream, with a light sprinkling of marshmallows just the way you like it!" Bobby grins proud of his culinary delights before handing Victor his bowl "Its frozen fish fingers and strawberry swirl ice cream." 

Remy begins to gag at the end of the table, causing him to get kicked sharply in the shins by Rogue.

"For Remy you have spicy chicken ice cream pizza!!" Of all of Bobby's dishes this one looks the worst.

"What exactly are the spices in that er….dish?" Rogue asks feigning interest

 "Pepper"

"Oh….right" Rogue just thinks herself lucky that she only got mint choc chip ice cream.

Other than Hank no one seems to be particularly enjoying the meal, they all offer the customary 'Thank you's' and 'it's delicious' except Logan who merely grunts.

"Seeing as you all enjoyed breakfast, how about you let me cook lunch?" Bobby offers his services excitedly

"Erm….nah your alright kid, Rogue volunteered earlier" Victor jumps in quickly, resulting in Remy being kicked under the table again because Rogue can't reach Victor, who's on the other end of the table.

"Oh ok…" Bobby looks crest fallen "…If your sure"

**9:25AM******

"They won't be asking me to cook dinner again, thank god!" Bobby chuckles to Hank "It seems operation 'Lazy Bobby' really worked out for me"

Hank pats Bobby on the back "I fear that your plan worked too well Robert, Remy hasn't stopped vomiting yet"

"It was a sacrifice I was willing to take"

**11:17AM******

Bobby and Hank have decided to set up a band called 'Hell Reaper', in which Bobby shall play the genetically modified drums (i.e. the metal dustbin and various pots and pans) and Hank is to be the lead comb player.

"You should play that note higher Hank" Bobby points out helpfully.

Hank looks at the comb "Robert you do realise that this is a comb covered in toilet paper"

Bobby looks at Hank witheringly "I'm not stupid Hank, just because I couldn't pour water out of that boot when there were instructions on the heel doesn't prove a thing."

Hank meekly shakes his head before continuing to blow on his comb.

**11:41AM******

Remy, Rogue and Victor have all joined 'Hell Reaper'.  This leaves Logan (who was smoking a cigar when their decision to join was made) as the only housemate not involved in the band.

_"Electro speed,_

_please__ take heed,_

_Busy bees make there sugah traps…"_

Rogue wails, sorry sings, the lyrics that 'charm boi' /Remy has added to the music of the other 3 band members. 

"Hey Hank, who would have thought that Victor would be such a natural on the spoons?" Bobby exclaims somewhat incredulously.

It is at this choice moment that Logan walks in, a sneer playing across his lips. 

"What's up Creed? Ya like playin' kiddy games?" 

"You'll be laughing on the other side of your face when we are an international rock act runt." It isn't, despite what the audience think, said spitefully.

"Yeh, I can see it now; the band consisting of the screecher, a comb, some pots and pans and some lanky idiot playing the spoons, hitting number one with a song written by…" Logan paused at a loss as to how to viciously describe Remy.

"Remy be the eye candy Mon brave" 

"…an idiot who talks in third person all the bloody time!"

Suddenly Rogue caught up and screeched "HEY AH DO NOT SCREECH!"

**11:51 AM******

"Can I join your band?" 

"What ah thought our band was pathetic?" Rogue 'screeches' at Logan.

Bobby decides to be a bit more tactful. "There aren't any other instruments we need sorry"

Logan pouts, staring pointedly at Bobby.

"Ok, ok you can be our groupie" 

"I don't wanna be a groupie…I wanna be in t' band" Logan Whines at Bobby.

"Well every band needs a groupie Logan" Hank points out diplomatically.

Logan blinks back tears for a moment before attempting to throw his mutton chops over his shoulder as he marches to the diary room.

**In the diary room**

Logan is sat in the chair softly weeping

_"What appears to be the problem _Logan___?"_

"It's nothin'. I got summat in my eye" Logan paws at his eye, in a manner reminiscent of a bear.

There is silence for a moment.

"OK, ok stop with t' pressurin' me! I'll tell you. They don't want me in their band, yet Creeds allowed ta be in it and he's a cannibal. I can't help but feel that they prefer him ta me!" For the second time since entering the mansion Logan breaks down in tears. "Sorry it's this environment it's getting' ta me" He gasps between sobs, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand.

**3:59 PM******

To inject a bit of life into the mansion Big Brother has given the housemates a fortune telling crystal ball.

"I see mounds of flesh ahead of you Victor, and a love interest with Blue skin" Bobby is acting the part of the fortune teller, he is even dressed the part.

Victor looks rather startled at the last comment and steals a glance at Hank, who in turn moves slowly and cautiously away from Victor to the other side of the table.

"I also see a small mound of fat running towards as you prepare for battle, causing you to run into a van…a van with an RX emblazoned on the side. I also see you dressed up in your finest to attend a wedding, where you eat the person on your rights entrée, with an implement that might be a fork... might be a blind mans cane? Do we know any blind men?"

"Gawd ya can't take him anywhere" Rogue rolls her eyes.

"Come to think of it, any ideas as to what an entrée is?" Bobby asks looking confused.

Remy and Hank merely shrug.

"Is there anything else kid?" Victor asks leaning forward to peer into the crystal ball himself, but, alas, Bobby swats him away.

"The crystal ball also sees a long life for you yada yada yada" Bobby waves his hand dismissively. "Ok who's next?"

"Oh me! PICK ME!" Hank waves his hand in the air excitedly.

Bobby crack's his fingers. "Ok I'm seeing a big Blue lion who's name is Henry…do we know any Henrys?"

"That my name!" Hank exclaims

"Well there we go they've called a blue lion after you then." Bobby positively beams "You'll be famous!"

"What else do you see?"

"Ok as the fog clears I see a flame hitting your head, singeing your eyebrows. I see weeping in a sterile room, a room full of Twinkies"

"That's my lab" Hank nod's knowingly "What about love interests?"

"I see a void, a horrible gaping hole."

"What happened to Trish" Hank has begun to look rather frantic in his worry.

"Ohhhhh Hanks gotta girlfriend!" Rogue sing songs childishly.

"Yes I do as a matter of fact" Hank says looking rather proud (if his puffed out chest is anything to go by).

"I don't know, maybe she gets hit by a car or something" Bobby looks rather cheerful at this prospect. "Oh wait I see a tree, but not just any tree, the Twinkie tree becoming a long term, life long companion to you"

This seems to cheer up Hank a bit "My blessed Twinkies, I knew they wouldn't let me down"

Rogue pushes to the front of the throng of housemates awaiting a reading.

"Ahhh Rogue, I fore saw your arrival" Bobby leans forward and peers into the ball, making noises of approval, before addressing the 'crowd'. "I see love blossoming for this one, a love for the man of the cards. I also see a mop, a bucket and a very dirty floor. I sense great power in this one, a power Jedi master Xavier would be sad to lose…no, fly free young spirit of the skunk, _run free" _

With this Bobby makes shoeing motions at Rogue.

Wolverine steps forward cautiously as he eyes the crystal ball warily.

"What does it say bub?"

"Ok I see crazed fur ball sticking to your face, I see much peeing in the shower…what is this I see? Is that you frolicking in the fields naked with Scott?"

"No! It most certainly is not!" Logan edges away from the crystal ball as if it is excreting venom.

Remy jumps over the back of the chair and lands easily into the seat which Logan has just vacated.

"It be Remy's turn now" He says it matter of factly.

"Ok I see a cold place; it may be the freezer section in the 7 till 11 though." Bobby pauses before looking directly into Remy's Red on Black eyes. "Beware the ides of March!"

"Why?"

"I don't know I just always wanted to say it." Bobby shrugs before turning back to the crystal ball.  "Ok I sense a change in your luck with the opposite sex…"

"You mean Remy will lose his touch"

"No, think of it more along the lines of finally gaining luck with women" Bobby is either deadpanning or totally serious the audience is not sure which; Remy however goes very red and refuses to hear anymore.

Bobby stands up and bows "That's it folks, I'm here until the end of the series though, so if you wish a repeat consultation please hesitate to come and find me when I'm in my Marshmallow tree"

**Nomination Time**

Bobby enters the diary room. It seems he is dressed as some kind of coconut creation in a brown hairy suit.

"Hey Big Brother!"

_"Hello Bobby"_

"Today I would like to vote for Logan because of his reaction earlier to 'Hell Reaper'. I feel that his criticism was both hurtful and uncalled for." 

Big Brother can only just contain a gasp at Bobby's normal comment; it really was quite intelligent for him.

"My second nomination this time is for Remy. The reason behind this is that although I really like him, I can contemplate life in the mansion without him, I really don't think he would be missed that much."

_"Thank you Bobby"_

With that Bobby gets out of the chair and raises his fist in the air, before yelling; "ALL HAIL THE COCONUT KING!"

Hank is the next to enter the diary room; he is dressed in a gingham apron and is freshly back from gathering his Twinkie harvest. 

"Good evening Big Brother. I shall cut straight to the chase, I am here today to nominate both Remy and Rogue because they clearly er… 'Dig each other' as Robert puts it, yet fail to accept this. I mean I can see it, you can see it, even Bobby can see it! It's about time they stopped pussy footing around each other and declared they're undying love for each other, in a similar fashion to Jane Eyre and Rochester I feel. I mean the Twinkie tree and the Marshmallow tree would be an excellent setting for such a display of affection, just as long as it isn't my beloved Twinkie tree that gets struck by lightening…"

_"Ok Hank I get the picture…you may leave now"_

Hank gets up huffily, grabbing his basket brimming with his favourite crop, and stomps from the room.

Logan enters the room with a cocktail stick stuck in his mutton chops.

"The Cajuns gotta go. Without him in the house I might finally get a bit o' action if ya know what I mean" Logan winks pointedly at the camera "I also wanna vote Creed off coz the guy is so false. " Logan growls at the mere thought of Victor before stomping off humming 'The sound of music' quietly

Remy wanders into the Diary room looking like a little lost sheep.

"Bonjour Big Brother" But he says it with a sigh "Today I would like to nominate Rogue because she is like the forbidden fruit, and while she is here I can not seem to engage in conversation with anybody else. The second person dat I want to nominate is that brat child Bobby for making me ill earlier."

Remy stares at the camera a moment as if what he has just said pains him, tears glisten in his eyes. Slowly he drags himself to his feet before exiting with a sigh.

Rogue enters casually, she is wearing a novelty t-shirt bearing the slogan 'Men~ Only Chocolate clings to your thighs faster'.

"Mah first nomination is for Logan because he was so rude about mah singin' today an' he has been actin' like a bear with a sore head for the last few days. Also ah would like ta nominate Hank because sometimes he plays the comb out of tune."

With that Rogue floats majestically from the room

Victor is the last one to nominate and enters the room like the last hobo, his hair can only be described as a birds nest in motion.

"First o' all I vote fer the runt cause he upset the young one earlier by being rude about the band. I also wanna vote fer that she witch Rogue, cause I don't feel she is coping with the pressure o' being in the house at this stage in the game an' I also don't know who else to nominate."

**Announcement on who is up for eviction**

_"The housemates up for eviction this week are…"_

Remy and Rogue cling to each other in anticipation before Rogue realises what she's doing and pushes him off, a little bit over zealously it must be said, sending him crashing into the coffee table. Logan looks at his reflection in his adamantium claws, picking some spinach from between his teeth, while Hank, Bobby and Victor are linked together by their hands.

_"…In alphabetical order, are; __Logan__…"_

A growl is heard from where Logan is sat but no emotions register on his face.

_"… Remy…"_

"Oh Merde!" 

_"… and Rogue."___

Rogue looks around the room as if trying to figure out who nominated her, before stomping into the toilets.

"Well I think she took that well" Hank comments amiably

**As I said to Rogue-Demon your imput really helps with the creation of this fic so keep it coming, also who d'ya want out, it's a tough decision for you lot this time…as from  my observations the majority of you favour these 3 characters over poor ol' Victor and Hank. *Laughs demonically* And I promise not to try and let it go this long with out an update again!**

***Ellie***


	14. Disney Boogie

**Sorry it has once again taken me a long time to update but is it me or do teachers always pile the homework on when you really can't be arsed? This chapter would have gone up last night but FF.net was being naughty!**

**Wow the reviews for this chapter, it was close on the eviction front this time however the person who is evicted lost by one vote!**

Thanks goes to the Oracles and Minnie Maiden for the help and the following:

slayer-gate~ *Bows down to you* Wow thank you for your accolades, god if only I was god, that could be so cool, I'd make Ants purple and Yellow so you can see them easier when they are invading your house. Anyway I'm glad there are some new readers on board and I'm glad you like this and hope you continue to enjoy it! 

Regret1017~ Thank you for the suggestion as you will see it has become quiet a major sequence in this chapter, we have an equivalent to Rose O'Donnell over here and her name is Lisa Riley, so the visual was funny when I wrote it!

ice-maiden9191~ Thanks for you vote! I must confess I ain't Remy's biggest fan I think it was attempting (poorly) to write his accent that killed off my feelings of goodwill for him!

Sally~ Thanks for the compliment!

Kitsune Jagan~ I've tried my best at adding my Romyness, I really did try, I don't think I've succeeded but there is *Some* in there at least. It better than nothing right? *Looks guilty*

Oddisee ~ Did you ever get this far? I sure hope you did! Your right though there are tons of chapters its longer than I expected but it does take me ages to update so its been going on for what feels like YEARS! I don't like Scott and Jean either (as if it isn't noticeable! Lol) I think Scott and Jean suck shoe!

Cris-X~ I'm beginning to wonder if I shouldn't just get you to write the last few chapters coz your ideas are so much better then mine hence why I have used a lot of them and why I am going to use the ones I didn't use this time in the next chapter. All you did was say one word in some cases and a whole mini plot attacked me! Keep the ideas flowing! Oh and you wanted more Kat, you've got her…don't blame me for the consequences tho!

Trunksblue~ I don't know how I managed to turn Rogue grouchy, I've probably been watching to much Evo or something, but every fic needs a mood sod though most of the time its Scott, Jean and the Professor (in my fics anyway) but they aint in here anymore so Rogue seemed a suitable candidate. I agree poor Logan…and its gonna keep getting worse!

Oh and Rogue-Demon and Pyromaniac666 also get a huge holler! HOLLER! lOl! Check out both their fic's especially the Jean and Scott haters out there!

**Day 17 in the X Big Brotherhood Mansion-Eviction, task and Party**

**6:02AM******

The housemates are awoken by claxons, well all the housemates except Victor who was having a snack of ham and milk in the kitchen. 

"What in t' name if satan is goin' on 'ere?" Logan growls, rubbing his eyes like a sleepy bear, as he follows Hank, who is carrying Bobby in a fireman's lift, into the kitchen.

They arrive just in time to witness Kat being dragged away by Piotr, who has a firm grip of her hair as she sucks her thumb, Pete follows behind puffing on a cancer stick. 

"How did she get in?" Hank asks throwing Bobby, forgotten now the crisis is averted, on the stove, a movement that Victor eye's interestedly as a small stream of drool dribbles down his chin.

Snapping back to the here and now Victor shrugs, seeming to be oblivious to the fact that Kat had been braiding his hair moments earlier.

"Where are Remy and Rogue?" Bobby says suddenly jerking awake after a globule of spit hits him straight in the eye.

"I don't know the Cajun didn't make it to bed last night" Victor says washing his bowl and fork up, albeit with his tongue.

They all look at each other for a moment 

"I wonder" They all muse in unison except Bobby who yells "FROMAGE EQUALS CHEESE!"

Victor pats Bobby absentmindedly on the head thrusting a frozen sausage in the general direction of Bobby's mouth, in fact inserting it up his nose.

Slowly but deliberately Logan, Victor and Hank tiptoe to the edge of their realm, when they make it to the threshold of their chosen destination they look amongst themselves, no one wanting to break the doom like silence that hangs around them like a quilt.

"007 TO THE COOKIE MONSTER, COOKIE MONSTER DO YOU READ ME?" No one that is except Bobby, who is jumping up and down on the chair, whilst talking in to his shoe walkie talkie style.

This time it is Hank who moves swiftly to silence the petulant James Bond impersonator, by kicking him in the head thus knocking him out for the count. He then returns with a silent grace to his place beside Victor at the doorway to all they have never known.

It is Logan who steps forward to do the honours and remove the barrier that separates them from knowledge. 

*BANG*

"Oh great go fer the stealthy approach huh runt, why use a doorknob when you can bash the door down?" Victor hisses angrily at Logan who had hitherto been looking rather proud of himself.

_"Ahhhhhhhhhh!"_

The three men turn guiltily from one another to look at where Remy had been curled lovingly around Rogue (who was under the sheets and he was on top so as to avoid skin to skin contact), and where now Rogue is sat upright screeching and Remy is snoring softly.

"Ew Remy you spent the night in the Girls room…what were you thinking you'll be all contaminated now!" Bobby whimpers in a state of shock at what his eyes reveal to him, having come out of his 'trauma' induced coma early only to fall straight into another one as soon as the words are uttered.

**8:00AM******

The housemates having arisen early due to the 'Kat attack' are now amusing themselves, some grouchier than others. Rogue is whinging about a lack of privacy to Remy who is gazing lovingly below her neckline, Victor is doing his favourite thing; antagonising the fish by beaming through the Perspex at them and tapping upon it periodically while Logan is cleaning his boots grumbling to himself about 'Accursed dog hearing' in the Kitchen. Hank is similarly engaging in his favourite activity, swinging in his Twinkie tree, taking just enough time out to have a delightfully sugary snack, Bobby, however, has found himself a new friend 'Roystan'.

"….and this is my favourite bench in the whole wide world. Oh and you see that Muppet in the big tree over there? He's my favourite blue Muppet in the whole wide world. This…" Bobby swings his 'friend' around to face the chicken run "…is my favourite chicken run in the whole wide world."

Roystan blinks appreciatively to where Clara Bella the chicken is scratching at the dust.

_"EAAARRRGGHHH!__ TAKE THAT SLIME BALL!"_

*Kapow*__

"NO! ROYSTAN!" Bobby's yells hold a note of enough panic to send Hank running.

"Quick give him CPR Hank, go on, save him!"

Hank looks at Bobby with a mixture of worry and puzzlement before clearing his throat.

"Bobby you are aware that there is nothing wrong with your friend" 

"How can you say that his all wet, and green looking" Bobby says peering at Roystan closely oblivious to the threat at his rear.

"_CACAAW!__ CACAAW!"_

With the screech barely emitted Bobby's right trainer bursts into flames, which Hank helpfully stamps out bringing the Big Brother mansions Bodyguards attention to the imminent 'threat' who is now talking to a flowerpot about the whether.

"KAT ALERT! KAT ALERT!" He nuclear sirens until the threat has been removed (with the clever deployment of a net) from the near vicinity.

"Oh my god I thought she'd killed you" Bobby sighs with obvious relief to Roystan. "Erm…Roystan speak to me buddy…._Speak to me!" _

"Ahem. Bobby you are aware that Roystan is in fact an amphibian, a frog if my observations prove accurate."

"Shhhh….you'll hurt his feelings"

**9:33AM******

The housemates are sat around the purple rug in the middle of the living area floor, glaring at each other menacingly

"_Ribbit"_

"You Ok Mon chere, Remy tink you ave a frog in the throat"

"Oh no that's just Roystan I don't think he likes living in my sock drawer much"

"I don't doubt it" Victor nods sagely.

Suddenly a claxon goes off as the room is infiltrated and slowly filled by Second Rate Celebrities anonymous and Kat.

"House party!" Come's the annoyingly happy high pitched voice.

"What you mean that this isn't a nudist beach party?" This time it's a horrifyingly familiar voice that speaks.

"ARGH! IT'S SCOOTER!" Logan yells in as manly a manner as he can muster as he runs around the rug before falling over the sofa.

"INTRUDER ALERT! INTRUDER ALERT!" This time Rogue yells the blatantly obvious.

_"Housemates this is Big Brother, due to the overwhelming numbers of the obese in the room it has been decided that the effective removal of the intruders shall be your task for the day. You may use the Kat'b'gone spray that is located under the bathroom sink."_

Bobby, in a flash of inspiration, creates an ice slide over the mass of bodies as a way for the housemates to get into the bathroom to equip themselves.

**9:36AM ~ Task Time**

Rogue peers cautiously under the sink and pulls a pair of sullied boxers out between two fingers.  The camera zooms in on the name tag sown lovingly into the boxers; it reads '_Property of Scott Summers'._

"So that is where his pants went" Rogue says flinging them over hre shoulder where they hit Logan straight in the face.

"Oh a hat!" Bobby exclaims grabbing the boxers and pulling them over his head.

"Erm guys there ain't nothing under here but 8 Lemons" 

"Lemons?!"

_"Housemates it is me GOD!..."_

Bobby hastily throws himself on the floor in a loving salute to his 'creator', while Remy tells everyone to look busy

_"_…_I have always wanted to say that. *Ahem* This is big Brother…the lemons are to be cut in half and squirted into the eyes of your opponents."_

Bobby suddenly holds aloft a lemon "Behold the Kat'b'Gone spray of god!"

**A minute later…**

The housemates emerge from the Bathroom armed and ready for warfare. They get off to a poor start as they are fought back by the Shrieks and drones coming from Scott and Kat, who it seems, have embarked on another Sonny and Cher moment. Rogue however weathered by a similar shriek of her own surges forward squirting Rosie O'Donnell in the eye, resulting in the death of several others as they are trampled into the floor. 

Following her lead Bobby surges forward upon his trusted steed-Kitty. He squirts first a second rate (as well as well known alcoholic) chat show host and then a fat little turkey that has popped along for the ride.

However Rogue quickly finds herself becoming increasingly overwhelmed by Chris Judd's 'Dance of Death'. 

Remy upon noticing this quickly springs into action with a battle cry of "Hands off of her!" which is quickly followed by a yell of "EPPP! MAN DOWN MAN DOWN!"

With this he rolls on the floor pawing at his unique eyes with his gloved hands, he has, it seems, been caught in the crossfire of his squirt.

Hank and Logan, who up to this point have been cheering on the other housemates, look at each other and shrug before bundling in.

**An hour later….**

It has taken a while but the housemates are down to their last two opponents, and for that matter their last slice of lemon.

Kat and Scott beam with pride as they let rip with yet another rendition of Diana Krall's 'Cry me a river', well the audience can only assume it is this song.

Bobby looks at Kat pityingly "Hey Kitty can't we keep her?"

  "We can't kid we ain't got t' right documentation and we ain't had the shots either."

Bobby looks heartbroken for a moment before noticing a 'friendly' face at the patio doors.

"I'll take this one" Logan says bravely, circling around the strawberry blonde menace brandishing the lemon. 

Kat gurgles happily as she looks into the faces of her 'adoring' crowd.

*Pfffssst*

As the lemon juice hits her eyes, Kat hits the floor and writhes around like a cat fish out of water (or should that be a 'Kat fish'?). Her writhing is complemented perfectly by her hissing and the clawing of her eyes that has drawn blood.

Scott having noticed Logan looking at him maliciously drops to the floor and joins Kat in her writhing.

"I hadn't even squirted him yet!"

Piotr and Pete peer around the corner of the main door, having assessed the risk to their health as minimal, they stride in and Piotr picks up the pair and throws one over each shoulder. 

"Is it me or is Scott paying far too much attention to Piotrs butt?" Rogue asks dusting herself off.

The audience suddenly hear an angry thick Russian accent yell "Do not Pinch me" 

This is followed by a manic giggle of "Haha! Scott pinched transformer mans big metal bumper…BUTT!" 

**11:59AM******

Bobby has been tapping the glass of the patio doors ever since the successful completion of the task.  

"Bobby what are you doing?" Victor calls from where he and the other housemates are playing snap.

"Nothing" Its said innocent enough, however the mad _'Ribbiting' _coming from his general direction belies that innocence.

Suddenly the patio doors smash and frogs flow in, like a giant green tidal wave.

"EP!" Is the only sound heard above the _"Ribbets"_

The camera focuses in on where Logan is being dragged along by the 'tide'.

"A PLAGUE!" Is Remy's only contribution to the situation.

"Actually they are here to save their friend Harriet from the depths of a smelly dungeon…" Hank informs the housemates; finger held aloft "…that would be your sock drawer then Bobby"

"How do ya know that's what their sayin'?" Victor asks munching happily on a frogs leg.

"I had a spare 5 minutes about two years ago and decided to learn the language of the frog."

"Who's Harriet?" Is the next question thrown in by Bobby, who has escaped being dragged under by the stampeding frogs by sitting on Victors head.

"It appears your friend Roystan is in fact a female frog, known affectionately be her close friends and relatives as 'Harriet'" Hank is now hanging from the strip light with his feet, watching, demurely, as the frogs make their way to the Guys Bedroom, only to emerge seconds later Harriet 'crowd surfing' her way to the patio doors, where she makes her break for freedom.

The housemates look blankly among themselves as the last frog leaves the mansion.

"Well now ah've seen it all" Rogue says getting down from the top of the cupboard.

**2:21PM******

By way of congratulating the housemates on the successful completion of their task Big Brother has awarded them a themed party.  The theme of this party has been decided by the evicted housemates, the arguments ranged from characters from musicals to animals, however Jean decided it should be Disney characters and prodded about psychically with the other evictees until they agreed.

Rogue is the first to emerge into the living area, which is decorated with an enchanted castle motif. She glares at her striped hair in the mirror and rolls her eyes when Remy wraps his arms around her from behind, garbed in his Hercules gears.

"Remy think dat the fake fur suit Roguey's skin tone" 

Rogue just scowls at Remy before growling "Ah am not like Cruella De Ville"

"Remy never said you were, he think you look belle" 

Bobby and Hank suddenly race from the guy's bedroom and crash in a heap by the table, where the latest Twinkie crop (the only food at the party) sits waiting to be devoured. They begin to stuff the Twinkies in their face as fast and as many as they can, as if there is soon to be a famine.

"Who are you guys meanta be exactly?" Rogue asks head cocked on one side as she tries to recall a Disney movie where a green blob with horns and a shag pile rug imitation featured.

Bobby points to the label he has written on in crayon and stuck to the bottom of his foot. It reads 'Mike – Monsters Inc.' There is a similar one stuck to the sole of Hanks foot with pink gum which reads 'Sulley – Monsters Inc.' Neither stopped filling their mouth cavities for more then the second it took to grab another Twinkie and Hank had Twinkie crumbs gumming up his fur.

Big Brother suddenly pumps the Mansion full of music, music from Disney films that is. The first song is "_Kiss the girl", _which Remy takes as a hint_. _Remy therefore throws his arms around his new 'girlfriend' and puckers up.

*Slam*

"You lookin' to be in a coma swamp rat?" Rogues says as she removes her fist from his slightly expanded stomach.

Remy lies on the floor and gasps for breath as Hank and Bobby look on both with a Twinkie halfway to their mouth, both with a pile of crumbs on the floor in front of them which have tumbled from their gaping pie holes.

"Remy just seizing da moment chere" Remy protests from where he is doubled over.

"I don't…." The argument is cut short as Logan enters the room; a scowl is fixed on his face like year old concrete.

Hank and Bobby's heads whip around from where they were staring open mouthed at Remy and Rogue, to stare instead at Logan.

"I think I speak for us all when I say; what the hell is going on?" 

Bobby begins to choke on some Twinkie crumbs as he stares at Logan, Hank helpfully whacks him on the back his eyes however never waver from the shorter man.

"The runts hadta dress as Lil Bo Peep from Toy Story coz that was t' only costume that would fit." Victor informs the group as he emerges from the guy's bedroom dressed as Gaston from 'Beauty and the Beast' and very fetching he looks too.

 The group shut there mouths for a moment of synchronised shock at Logan's appearance before bursting into laughter, laughter that kicks starts the party, causing Hank to do the Twist with Logan,  Victor to hand jive with Bobby and making Remy and Rogue make up and dance slowly in perfect synchrony. 

**An hour later…**

The party is still humming, the liquor is still flowing but Logan has disappeared in search of a better costume. It is not long however before Winnie the Pooh comes to through the door leading from the bathroom to the living area.

Victor is the first one to great the portly yellow bear. "Well if it aint the runt, looks like they found ya a better costume then"

The one dressed in the yellow bear out fit clutching a honey pit protectively nods rapidly to indicate his pleasure. 

"So what did you say to Big Brother to get them to get you a better costume?" Bobby asks trying to swipe a handful of honey.

Before he could answer the sound of the diary room door slamming can be heard and Little Bo Peep can be seen marching towards the group wearing her heavy duty army boots.

"OH NO TWO LOGANS!" Bobby wails in delight before whispering to Victor "I always knew they cloned people in the diary room."

Winnie the Pooh however, upon seeing the real Logan enter the room, indicates to the door and awaits apprehension from Peter and Piotr. The capture of the errant bear is achieved quickly and efficiently (by Piotr at least, Peter simply puffs a cigarette).

"They can't do that to Pooh Bear!" Bobby exclaims in disgust "That's it I've had enough of this tyranny, I am going to make a stand."

**4:00PM******

Bobby is sat by the Mansion exit wearing a placard that reads "Woodland creatures from books and movies have feelings too and you shouldn't mess with the...".

"What are you doing there Robert?" 

"I'm protesting for the rights of Woodland creatures as I feel they have been unfairly dismissed from our humble abode on the grounds of their being…bears!" Bobby informs Hank passionately.

"Why is there the letter 'M' written on your head in yoghurt?"

"I run out of room on the board" He shakes his head as if Hank was losing his genius all over again.

Hank stands there staring back at Bobby for a minute "Can I join you?"

"Sure thing. But one question…why?"

"Well as you aware I am oft mistaken for that furry individual Big Foot and when I inevitably get caught by scientists they do degrading tests on me and stick things up…er…things" Hank takes a few moments to compose himself "So as you see, I, more than anyone, know what these unfortunate creatures have experienced."

Bobby pats the floor next to him indicating that Hank should sit; Hank promptly sits in a heap on the floor where Bobby proceeds to throw his arms around him.

"Its ok Hank, we'll nail the bastards!"

**4:46PM******

Bobby and Hank have turned Bobby's Placard into a big paper aeroplane which they have thrown up into the fan where it has become wedged. Both are now sat whistling innocently as Victor approaches.

"I hear ya protestin' bout the shortage of food, well real food." Victor says eyeing Hank warily as he just continues to whistle.

"Can I join ya?" Victor asks as he slumps down beside Hank without awaiting an answer.

**6:03PM******

The protest group is playing a three way game of thumb war, where everyone fights everyone at the same time, the winner so far is Victor whose claws have wounded both of the other competitors. The threesome are engaged in this riveting battle, pausing only momentarily to cry in either frustration or delight.

"What ya doin'?" Logan asks leaning against the wall, trying to look manly, an effort ruined by the Little Bo Peep outfit.

Bobby looks at him quickly "Protesting…aww see now you've made me lose" Bobby pouts grumpily, refusing to answer anymore questions Logan may have for fear of losing.

Logan chuckles, rubbing his hand over the stubble on his chin "I get it, yer protesting about t' lack of hotties in t' mansion, in that case I fink I'll join ya!" 

**6:13PM******

_"Housemates this is Big Brother, please assemble in the living area ready for evictions"_

Rogue and Remy are already in the required room, unwilling for their shared moment to end, the party it seems had bonded them closer than ever. Rogue's gloved hand is held loosely in Remy's own, as he leads her to the 'cuddle chair', to await the arrival of the others…only they others don't come come.

"Wonder where they ave got to" Rogue wonders aloud, still coupled with Remy at the hand she goes off in search of her fellow housemates.

"Look Kitty its Remy and Rogue!" Bobby announces tugging on Victor's sleeve.

"Milady…" Hank bows elaborately before nodding at Remy "…good sir"

"Remy and Rogue be wonderin' what ya been doin'?" 

"We're holding a protest, we're gonna ignore everything Big Brother tells us to do, even the eviction" Bobby informs them excitedly.

"What d'ya fink swap rat? We gonna join 'em?" 

Remy looks at Rogue as if she has said something dirty before coming to a conclusion.

"Ok"

**6:29PM******

_"Big Brother demands you go to the living room to await the eviction announcement…NOW!"_

"Sorry bub, but you're playin' wit' the big boys now and we aint answerin' to no one" Logan shouts up to the nearest camera, his eyes showing bloodlust.

_"That was your final warning…"_ and with that said Piotr and Pete burst threw the door, not realising that Kat has entered too, after sneaking between Piotr's legs.

"ARGH! THE HEAVIES!"

"ARGH! KAT!"

The cries are in perfect synchrony with each other as if practiced.

_"Remove Rogue, Rogue is to be evicted" _Big Brothers yell's into the guys earpieces, it can be heard by the housemates and the audience.

"Erm excuse me but it is not your problem in which to become involved" Hank tells the two bodyguards cum bouncers, finger held aloft, as the strides towards Rogue.

"Yeah leave her alone or ya'll ave these *snickt* to answer to" Logan waves his claws in Pete's face; Pete however looks unperturbed and puffs smoke in Logan's face.

Pete, Logan and Piotr stare at each other for a moment before engaging in a brutal 'fight to the death' or in this case eviction, resulting in Logans rather bloody defeat.

"You brutes" Bobby wails horrified at his fellow protestor's battered appearance "its people like you, hurting innocent woodland creatures, we were protesting about in the first place."

"Hank, help the runt, yer a doctor aint ya?" 

Hank bounds forward to do Victors bidding eagerly, he has to stop short of Logan's body however, as a ear shattering screech is heard.

"Argh he's going to eat me!" 

The wail belongs to none other that Kat Jacobs and it quickly followed by *_Pffssstt*._

"Help, Beast down! Beast down!" Hank wails as he writhes on the floor protecting his eyes with a large paw cum hand.

"Beast buddy what has she done to you?" Bobby kneels on the floor next to his fallen comrade.

"Pepper spray…in the eyes" 

The housemates have no time to rest on their laurels however, as Rogue is stealthily grabbed by the large Russian causing Remy to get angry…and upset.

"Put her down!" He demands pointing at the floor, and when he senses that that course of action has failed he adds a cheesy grin and "Please"

The Russian merely throws Rogue over his shoulder in a fireman's lift.

"Don't fight for me Remy, I'm not worth it, save yourself, win the game." Rogues calls to him in a fair imitation of a damsel in distress.

"I love you Belle" Remy sniffles as he crumples to the floor over come with grief.

"God its like bloody beauty an' the Beast in 'ere" Victor grumbles, but not in a mean way, as his eyes look suspiciously damp.

With that Piotr leaves, closely followed by Pete who grabs Kats hair as he walks by where she is hiding scared behind a pot plant.

"What an interesting day" Bobby says as he springs up from the floor and dusts himself off.

**Ok vote who you want out in a surprise eviction that the housemates are unaware of! Any thing you want to put the housemates through next let me know, as its not long before the final guys so make the most of it! Please Review!**


	15. Graves, Ghosts and bone's

**Good god I can't believe it has taken me since after Christmas to update, I'm really sorry. The only excuse I offer is the amount of coursework I have to do and the amount of time I avoid doing the fore mentioned coursework.**

**Rogue-Demon~** More fun with those poor fish you say well I tried, whether its funny or not is yet to be seen. Writers block can be such a bitch sometimes, ok all the time. Anyway get writing another chapter of your story after you've read this please, then I can have something to read after work. 

**Pyromaniac666~** Thanks a lot for your review, so when are we gonna see your sequel to 'Strange and unusual' huh? Hope you like this chapter it ain't as good as the other but unfortunately I'm having a hard time thinking what to do. Hope to speak to you soon.

**Trunksblue****~ **Who was in the Pooh bear costume? Who do you think it was? I deliberately write it like that so that people could draw their own conclusions but in my mind it's Kat. Hope that clears that up for ya but if you want it to be Lucky the magic Goldfish that's cool!

**Oracles Maiden~ **Thank you so so so so soooo much for all your help in this chapter, its like playing spot my idea as all of yours were so good! Lol! Hope this does some justice to them. It's nice to know one of us is sympathetic to Gambit!

**Minnie Maiden~ **Nooo! Not the stern face! Anything but that! Talking of a certain Evil Dead fanfiction isn't it about time you finished it? Huh? Huh? *poke poke* You said it be done by Friday and now it's Monday. *Uses own stern face* Read and review then finish your's and post it! Oh and am I to take it you like Bobby?

**Chris-X~ **I've finally used your open day idea and I've kinda included what you've mentioned in your last chapter. Hope ya like it!

**Kitsune Jagan~ **Sorry bout Rogue going but it's who got the most votes and so my axe had to falleth. Sorry coming over all Shakespearean.

**Mitsaso****~** Don't worry bout it ending with a bang…well more details on that at the end really. Glad you've seemed to enjoy it, unfortunately the less members there are the harder it gets to write and takes longer as a result of this. Hope ya enjoy.

**Slayer-Gate~ **You bearing animosity towards Remy? I would never have guessed. ;oP Hopefully this chapter should please you Remy hating ways. Don't worry your not alone in your dislike of him, I ain't his biggest fan.

_Ok thanks again for all your support guys! Lets try and reach say 100 reviews with this chapter, I've always wanted to have over a 100 reviews, suddenly my dream looks like it may be a reality. Sorry for the poor quality of the chapter, unfortunately I'm feeling slightly frazzled at the moment! Anyway enjoy…._

**Day 18 in the ****Big****Brother****Mansion****~ The day of surprises.**

**8:10AM******

Logan has been up all night with Big Brother discussing the most effective way to get evicted from the mansion as he has become 'disenchanted with the mansion's female talent, or lack of it' . He is now sleeping on the sofa, snoring loudly having decided the best way to get voted out is to be as boring as possible.

In the guy's bedroom Remy is weeping softly, moaning "Roguey" periodically, as Victor looks on sadly while sharpening the kitchen knives. 

Bobby and Hank decided last night that it would be in their better interests if they were to sleep in the girl's bedroom due to the weeping and snoring, unfortunately they fell out for a while over who would be sleeping in Rogue's bed, luckily this dispute was soon resolved with talk of Ororo's bed being haunted by her ghost. The pair are currently huddled together in the corner out of fright.

**Outside the mansion**

**"**Hello!"

 A chirpy voice floats to the microphone before waiting for reciprocated salutations.

When it became obvious that no reply is forthcoming it continues "I'm here for the open day at the mansion."

A pair of vibrant blue eyes peer almost heavenward to meet the eyes of the person whom they are addressing. Once again however, the taller mutant makes no reply causing the girls eyes to narrow slightly in a frown.

"Do you actually speak?"

"Da"

"Look bouncer dude I want in. I mean I was in there before, well until I was voted out by the likes of you!" Jubilee angrily pokes her forefinger into Piotr's chest.

Piotr by now is becoming increasingly irritated by the annoying kid and her pink gum, which, incidentally, is seen to pop, as if on cue, in Piotr's face sticking to his eyebrows and gluing his eyelashes shut.

Seeing his colleague flounder around trying to locate the toilets Pete steps in to point him in the right direction…namely headfirst down a flight of stairs. Pete looks after his fallen comrade for a moment, his pity and misery masked by the smirk on his face as he puff's on his cigarette.

*Ack, Kaff, Ack* Jubilee wafts the smoke away from her face before bounding in front of Pete.

"Hi! I'm Jubilee and I am very pleased to meet you" She stick's her hand in front of her, Pete however, just looks at it one eyebrow cocked up.

"Can I go in already?" She beams at him in what she thinks is her most charming manner, but in fact resembles a dying fly.

"Get in queue kid" He jerks his thumb where a line is snaking around the mansion.

"But don't you know who I am?" She cries jauntily.

With this he unceremoniously throws her over his shoulder, as she kicks and screams, before dumping her at the back of the line.

"Damn you little man! _Damn you!" _She yells shaking her fist at Pete Wisdom's retreating back.

**9:46AM******

Logan having got bored of acting boring is thinking about taking desperate measures in a bid to get taken out of the house. Victor has also decided that his tactics need changing in order for him to win and, after witnessing Hanks popularity go from strength to strength, he has come to the conclusion he must act more intellectual. On top of this the first throng of visitors to the mansion have entered.

"Greetings and salutations young folk of the outside world" Victor greets them with a bow, before straightening his smoking jacket and taking another puff on his pipe.

Bobby elbows Remy in the ribs before whispering "Who died and made him Hank?"

Remy busies himself with the fruit bowl and does not reply.

"I think it's disgusting putting on an act just to win" Bobby gags.

"Remy agree, t'is pathetic" Remy nods in agreement before juggling several piece's of fruit and squealing "Look at Remy!"

Bobby purses his lips as he slouches lower on the kitchen stool, it is not long however, before Hank joins him.

"What, in the name of all that is holy, is Victor doing? He looks like an idiot, and sounds like he has swallowed a dictionary!" 

Bobby looks at Hank sorrowfully for a moment. "He's being you Hank"

Hank look's shocked for a moment "Egad! Surely I do not appear that outrageously pompous and annoying…do I?"

In a misguided move Hank looks to Bobby for support, however the younger mutant nods his head. "Sure you do big guy"

"Why did you never inform me of this before?"

"I didn't wanna hurt your tender ego"

**11:17AM******

Victor plucks a flower from a nearby vase and cordially offers it to a visitor.

"Milady"

The woman giggles childishly "And I thought it was the blue furry one who was the charmer, I see my allegiance to him has been misplaced." 

Victor grins toothily before exacting another swooping bow and kissing the 'lady fair's' (as he call's her) hand.

Over the other side of the room both Hank and Logan stand up in unison.

"That's it I've had enough!" Again they speak in unison however; they soon separate with Logan heading towards the fish tank and Hank stalking towards the hulking blonde mutant in the bright purple smoking jacket.

Hank pull's himself up so he is standing ram rod straight in all of his 5'11" glory. He taps tenaciously on Victor's shoulder, flashing a toothily grin before *thunk* he head butts him in the nose.

"Whatc'ya do that for runt?" He asks grabbing hold of his nose as a small trickle of blood seeps down to his upper lip before his healing factor has a chance to kick in.

"Call it a kind of warning to stop muscling in on my act" Hank say's trying to rub the bump, that is quickly forming on his head, inconspicuously.

"Well this is for actin' like a prat!" With that growled Victor dumps the contents of his pipe on Hanks head singeing his hair.

"Why you…" Suddenly the pair begin to brawl.

"What's gotten into you two?" A strangely familiar voice asks before bounding up to the pair and swotting at Victor "Bad Kitty don't make me get the cat nip"

"Good one petite" Remy smiles over at Jubilee as he tries to restrain an angry Hank.

**Meanwhile…**

Logan eyes the fish tank.

"It's such a shame it had ta turn out this way, it started off so promising too, with Raven peeling off her clothes and Jean scootin' over t' me. Even that Jubilee kid…" Logan sigh's before immersing his head in the water in an ill fated bid to commit suicide. 

It is ill fated in the way that two thing's happen; the first one being that his stench from his refusal to shower kill's off the remaining goldfish that haven't starved since Ororo's 'disappearance, or been eaten by Victor and the second being…

"Hank! Logan's scaring the fish again!" Bobby seeing Hank in the heat of his scrap turns back to Logan for a second before adding "Don't worry he's just trying to commit suicide."

Bobby stand's whistling for a few moments before he realises what he has said and runs over to Logan kicking the chair, on which he is stood to reach the fish tank, out from under him.

"Awww look what you've done you monster!" Bobby scowl's "You've killed Ororo's only legacy, well other than the ghost"

"Look what I've done?" Logan glowers back "I weren't the one who went against a guy's dyin' wish to die in peace an' might I point out I didn't bring the fish tank to the floor while doin' it."

"Well that excuse is just not good enough for killing innocent beings" Bobby pouts.

**12:56PM******

Bobby has dug seven graves for the fallen goldfish and has invited all housemates (even Logan) and the guests to the house to the funeral.

"Dearly beloved we are gathered here today…" 

The camera scans from Victor (who is conducting the service donning a blue body wig) to where Logan is dressed as Tinky Winky. If his revelations to Big Brother five minutes earlier are anything to go by he is trying to act insane in a bid to get transferred to the insane mansion around the corner. Unfortunately, as is often the case with Logan's hair brained schemes, it back fired; with Bobby turning up as Po announcing to those assembled that this is what the fish would have wanted.

"…an' now fer some word's from their friend and Protector Mr. Robert Drake"

With that Bobby walks up to the make shift podium under the shade of the Marshmallow tree, before clearing his throat. He then presses play on the small tape recorder he smuggled into the mansion and begins to sing.

_"Tinky Winky!__ Dipsy! La la! __PO__!_

_Teletubbies__, Teletubbies say hello…Eh oh!"_

"Ave I mentioned how much Remy hate those t'ings?" Remy mutters into Hanks ears as Bobby continues to sing the Teletubbies, while bouncing up and down on the spot.

Unfortunately during his performance Victor leans against Hanks Twinkie tree, this does not sit to well with the hulking blue guy causing him to arise from his seat on the grass and yell "HANDS OFF BUB!"

There is a shock gasp from the audience and the song dies on Bobby's cherubic lips.

"THAT'S MY TWINKIE TREE! NOW STEP ASIDE!"

Victor makes no such move; instead he fiddles with his manacle and blue body wig. Well that is until Hank bites his foot and pulls his long blonde mane.

"Hank what's gotten into you today?" Jubilee yells from where she was sat enjoying Bobby's song.

"Leave it Jubes it's what they would have wanted" Bobby puts in almost tearfully.

"Who?" 

"The fish, bless their little souls" He wipes away a tear slyly as Piotr Rasputin and Pete Wisdom wade in to break up the brawl.

**1:08PM******

"Hank what was you thinking? You could have guessed that a man his size wouldn't like having a body wax" Jubilee chastises him applying a tub of ice cream to his swollen eye.

"I didn't wax him, I just pulled off that stupid blue fur he had gathered from the plug and stuck on himself with gaffer tape." He replies huffily.

"Well even so it was still a stupid thing to do. Just because you're jealous at his making new friends and embracing his burgeoning intelligence"

"I can assure you it is no such thing, I am after all the real McCoy, he is just a cheap imitation, firstly of Logan and most recently of myself." Jubilee has struck a nerve. "I just seemed to get over taken in this almost Victor like animal rage."

"Well maybe you shouldn't act like him anymore, it only makes you as bad as him, and you come off worse." Jubilee advises sagely.

**1:26PM******

Logan, after having the crazy and suicide idea's back fire on him, has decided to go back to being uninteresting. He is currently looking out of the window, sipping a mug of coffee.

"Jubes I'm really worried about Logan, he acting so….boring after Rogue left. I think his having female withdrawal or something."

"Well why don't you try and liven him up a bit, you know help him come out of his depression." 

At that moment Piotr comes through the front door with a fresh batch of guests, strangely there is a strawberry blonde girl, wearing a black plastic moustache and pirate like hook and bandana, perched on his shoulder. The funniest thing however, is the fact that Piotr seems to be unaware of this. 

"Is that Kat?" Bobby asks with a squint.

Jubilee shrugs before wandering outside away from the potential fire hazard.

Bobby skips over to where Piotr is staring intensely at a pot plant.

"Hey" Bobby greets the metal mutant innocently.

Piotr merely nods before looking back at the plant, a cactus if his later reports prove correct.

"Erm did you know your hair is on fire?" Bobby asks him just as sweetly as before

Piotr glowers at him before moving on into the guy's bedroom however; as he walks in the door Kat gets knocked off of his shoulder by the doorframe.

"Ow! I didn't like that ride anyway…it was too bumpy." She sys before scuttling off on all fours like a crab.

Bobby follows her "Kat how can I make Logan interesting?"

"Jelly, when ever I eat jelly things get interesting" Kat says before Pete spots her and begins to chase her with a big net.

Bobby's eyes light up visibly as inspiration hits him.

**2:03PM******

Logan is still stood by the window when Bobby strikes, swiftly he shoves the jelly down Logan's trousers, hell maybe even down his underpants if he wears them.

"Ha Ha Logan's Mr Blobby!"

"Drake!" Logan, it seems, has finally come back to life as he chase's him around the room dodging several visitors.

"Look how his butt wobbles when he runs" Bobby is brave enough to shout as he flees for his life on an ice slide. "Wobble! WOBBLE!"

**3:28PM******

The stream of visitors to the mansion is now a mere trickle, with Jubilee still hanging on in there.

"Look Rems ya really need ta sort yerself out if you are ever ta get Rogue ta like ya" She cock's her head slightly to the side, trying to picture how to improve on Remy's rugged good looks.

"I've got an idea…"

**5:47PM****~Eviction time**

Jubilee stops to admire her handy work with a beam of joy, Remy, plastered as he is with black eye liner, blue eye shadow, bright red blush and red lipstick, doesn't seem quite as happy.

"You look wonderful, that floral skirt sure brings out your eyes."

"Remy not so sure petite."

Yells of "Wobble wobble" are still heard in the background.

"Aw come on Rem its only coz it's a bit of a change from yer usual make up"

"Don't usually wear make up" Remy mumbles almost inaudibly.

_"Housemates this is Big Brother would all visitors please leave the mansion."_

Jubilee gets up to leave giving Remy a kiss on the cheek. Once she is safely out the way from potentially shocked and angered housemates Big Brother continues.

_"The last housemate to be evicted from the big brotherhood mansion is…"_

"They never said they were gonna evict today" Victor says both sounding and looking disgruntled.

"Remy's a woman_!_" Bobby points out much to the chagrin of Remy, while the other housemates break into hysterics and point at the beautified Remy.

"_…Remy!"___

"Yay!" Remy yells jumping out of his chair to punch the air before remembering he is wearing make up. "Oh Merde!"

Victor laugh's so much he coughs up a suspicious looking bone and one of Ororo's earrings.

**11:39PM******

Hank and Bobby are holding a paranormal investigation in the girl's bedroom.

"If there is anyone in here who would like to make their presence known to us, could you please show yourself?" Only Hank speaks but both are staring at Ororo's bed.

"Oh my God Hank _look__!" _Bobby grips Hanks arm in a death vice grip, pointing to a strange light over Ororo's bed with his other hand.

"It looks kinda pretty" 

They both gaze at it open mouthed before Hank makes a grab under the bed for the ouiji board, kept for just such occasions.

Together they make contact with the glass tumbler.

"Who is this?" Hank asks hoarsely.

The tumbler moves around the board with a grated noise to spell out '_Ororo and it is rude to point Robert'_

"Told you she was haunting her bed"

"Shhh! Why are you here?"

Again the tumbler moved across the board. '_To revenge the godfish Harold and Margo.'___

"Hank God fish what are godfish? Fish of God?"

"I think she means goldfish, she never could spell"

This time the tumbler only moves to two letters _o _and _i__…'Oi!'_

"Don't anger her Hank, she's omni impotent"

"Omnipotent Bobby. Ororo what happened to you?"

_'Sink'_

"Sink she must have fallen down the plug hole."

"Bobby shut up"

With that the tumbler flies across the room and smashes into the wall behind Bobby's head.

"See I told you to shut up" Hank says getting up.

"Where are you going?"

"To look under the sink"

"You can't leave me here!"

"Why not? You scared?"

"Maybe…"

"Come with me then"

"Ok."

Together they make their way to the kitchen sink, they open the door and sure enough there is a pile of bones trapped underneath it, the door has scratches on it from where the person had tried to claw their way out. It's funny how the skeleton was wearing Jeans clothes though.

"She had good reason to be claustrophobic" Bobby says sagely "Hey what's this?"

He plucks a scrap of paper from the corpse "Hank read it, you know I don't like reading anything but 'The very hungry caterpillar'"

"It simply reads _'Having a nap'"_

*Crash*

The noise is coming from the girl's bedroom, both look at each other and gulp; knowing that they have to sleep in there with the ghost for this one last terrifying night.

"She's gonna haunt us all night now you've disturbed her" Bobby moans "I hate women, they moan when they're alive, they moan when they're dead, they are never happy."

"Could be worse I suppose…" Hank ever the cockeyed optimist 

"How?"

"Could be Trish, Opal or Jean haunting us"

"Point taken…let's go to bed then *yawn* I'm tired."

**Ok Next chapter's gonna be the 1st chapter of the final so please leave a review saying who you want to come last and who you would like to win, who knows I might fit it into one long chapter! As for 2nd and 3rd place's I shall pick them so as to not confuse matters, but you get to choose who wins and who loses! So please review! Hopefully I shall get the final chapter up quicker than this one, no guarantees though! **


	16. The final

**To all my apologies for keeping this dragging on for what seems like centuries. But now it is the time you have all been waiting for…THE FINAL!**

**Many thanks to all the reviewers.**** Without you this would never have been completed. I would list you all but I suspect ya wanna get down to the nitty gritty! So a big thanks to you all, especially those who have contributed ideas and thoughts.**

****

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**The Final**

"Here we are at the grand final of X Big Brotherhood 2003-4! This is where you will find out if you're votes have made a difference." The presenter has to yell into the microphone in order to be heard over the screams and yells of the crowd. "Let's take a quick look at what is happening in the house."

The scene shifts from the outside of the Mansion to the interior where Bobby and Hank are playing a game of patty-cake, while Victor carefully adjusts himself inside his tiger print jockstrap in the boy's bedroom (causing both cheers and shrieks of terror from the audience outside) and Logan is 'accidentally' setting fire to Bobby's regenerative Marshmallow tree.

"Well that's the scene within the mansion however, this will shortly change as the housemate in fourth place is evicted and inter…." The presenter is stopped mid sentence by the raised voices by the metal gates separating the mansion, and its housemates, from the public.

"…BUT SHE'S MY KATYA!"

"Shut yer trap Terminator before I terminate you!"

"Big words from a little man who's head is about to be squashed by my foot"

The presenter finally puff's his way to the where the Russian mutant bouncer is about to drop kick his English colleague; Pete Wisdom.

"Gentleman. Gentlemen please! What kind of example do you think you are setting the crowd?" The presenter asks in a superior manner.

The pair continue to brawl, oblivious to the slightly over weight presenters entreaty for them to separate.

"You stole Katya from me, you will pay."

"Christ are yer ever gonna give it a rest?" Pete asks, blood spattering from his nose on to his white shirt of already dubious cleanliness.

"Ok, you asked for it" The presenter announces with a long suffering sigh as he rolls up his sleeves.

The audience gasps in palpable horror as the presenter wades in between the two warring mutants only to get knocked out as Piotr falls over him.

"_This is Big Brother will all audience members remain calm. Housemates as a final task will you please line in an orderly fashion by the front door. Oh and will the girl in the Kermit the frog t-shirt please phone an ambulance."_

**Cut to inside of Mansion.**

The housemates have rushed eagerly to the door, spurred by the manic tinge in Big Brothers voice.

"Didn't think it would start this early! Wish I had put some more clothes on now" Victor comments garbed in only a leopard print thong, a headband and a pair of Hanks fluffy blue slippers.

_"Housemates this is Big Brother. As a final task before leaving the Mansion, Big brother requires you to separate a pair of mutants. You will be permitted to leave the house for this task, however if you more than two metres beyond the gates Big Brother will disqualify you."_

"All right finally some action! This should be a piece o' cake" Logan grins cracking his knuckles a split second before the door opens, allowing the housemates their first glimpse of the outside world.

"Bring on the mutants, bub" Victor growls as he skids to a halt in front of the bouncers. "Erm…ain't these guys meant to break up the fights not start them?"

"That seemed to be the general gist of it, but it seems that notion was somewhat misguided." Hank comments launching towards Wisdom, only to be sidestepped resulting in a dangerous liaison with the metal crowd control barriers.

"I'll cool these guys off" Bobby quips, encasing Colossus' feet in ice.

This however, does not keep the Russian out of action for long as he smashes the ice with one blow from his mighty fists.

"Aw crud."

"Hey Pete, Piotr I just thought I'd bring you guys some hotdogs…what, may I ask, do you think you are doing?" Kitty asks angrily, having phased her way through the crowd holding a hotdog for each past love.

"Oh hi Kitty!" Pete grins winningly, if some what shamefacedly.

Piotr too looks embarrassed and toes the ground, dislodging some tarmac and spattered presenter. "Pete started it"

"I don't care who started it, all I care about is that it's finished." Kitty glowers at them a moment before handing each a hotdog. "What are you guy's doing out the house?"

"You guy's should return inside before I am forced to kick you" Piotr mutters between mouthfuls of hotdog.

The assembled housemates merely shrug before plodding wearily back to the mansion.

The camera focus' on the audience and the various signs they hold aloft as Big Brother makes another announcement.

"_As it appears that our regular presenter will be eating through a straw for the foreseeable future, we have had to call out our stand by."_

Tantalising snippets of the new presenter's body are shown to the audience; nails that are varnished pink, luxurious brown hair and a cleavage hugging yellow t-shirt.

"Hi there! I am Scott Summers your presenter for the evening, as a former housemate I promise to give a biased account of the evictee's action's over the past 19 day's."

The audience buzz's with both cheers and jeers at the newly appointed presenter. Scott however, seems undeterred.

_"Ok, it's the time you have all been waiting for. The housemate in fourth place is…."_

The camera pans around the faces of the housemates; Bobby is chewing his nails, Hank is looking at the ceiling light as if transfixed while Logan scratches his nether regions with a look of pure bliss tweaking his features and Victor fights a losing battle with a comb.

_"…VICTOR"_

Victor drops the comb hastily, however it stays stuck in a matt of blonde hair, as he grabs Bobby in a big bear hug.

"See ya on the outside kid! It's been fun"

"Bye Kitty! You've been the best Kitty a guy could wish for"

"See ya runt, I promise next time ya see me I ain't gonna be quite so nice."

"Same goes fer you too."

Victor merely looks at Hank eyes welling up; before giving him a bear hug similar to that which he gave Bobby.

"Victor, I can't breathe"

Victor doesn't make a response however, as soon as he drops Hank he makes his way to his door to freedom. Once he has reached it he looks back one last time, eyes shining with unshed tears, and wave's goodbye before bursting out of the door.

Victor emerges from the house to a massive roar from the crowd he studies them for a moment, before dropping his suitcase and throwing his arms out wide. He lets out a roar that would make Simba proud. He waves to his fans as he goes down the 'walk of fame', humming the tune played upon his release; _In the Jungle._

"Victor come on down to the podium" Scott yells over the crowd, taking hold of Victors elbow in a bid to lead him away from his adoring public.

"Get offa me." Victor growls shaking off Scott's arm and making his own way to the couch on which he will have his final interview.

"So how does it feel to be back on the outside?" Scott asks waving a microphone with a picture of Jean's face taped onto it.

"Ok" Victor grunts before noticing Mystique and Magneto in the crowd, wearing 'That's my psychotic sidekick' t-shirts adorned with pictures of Creed, and waving.

"Who has your backing to win this evening?" Scott asks thrusting the Jean microphone under Victor's nose.

"That would have ta be the kid, he's been the greatest source of entertainment throughout, as well as being a genuinely great guy."  
Victor's response elicits a cheer from the Bobby lovers in the crowd.

"You seemed to strike up a strong bond with Robert. Is this the start of a lifelong friendship?"

"Just what are ya implying bub? Just cause you're a pansy don't mean the rest of us are."

"I'm not sure what you mean by that Victor, but I shall pretend I think you are funny" At this point Scott giggles for a moment before his face once again becomes deadly serious.

"Are ya takin' the piss?"

"Me? No of course I'm not! I may like the feel of the wind on my bare butt but I'm not suicidal." Scott says holding his finely manicured hand's up. "Ok let's look at some of your best bits shall we?"

The audience beholds Victor's best bits on the screen behind the freshly evicted mutant. Scenes shown include Victor doing Karaoke with a broom, him giving Bobby a piggy back and his short foray into the world of cooking, which resulted in a heated 'debate' between him and Remy.

"For you, Victor, what has been the highlight of your stay in the mansion?"

"That would have ta be the day when you left"

"How so? Was it a highly emotional day for you? Did it represent a turning point in the morale? I mean I know you were all pretty upset"

"Nah, it was like a party. Ya wouldn't believe how happy we were to get rid o' ya wrinkly sausage, it was the day I finally began to enjoy the experience and the day I decided I wanted to stay."

"Humph. Well…" Scott looks at a loss for words before mumbling into the microphone. "Thank you Victor you may go and join your friends now" He turns away briefly from the camera to sniff and wipe away a tear.

We cut to see what is going on back in the house where Hank and Bobby are shaving Logan's feet having just finished his back and chest. The pair are chatting amiably while Logan puffs on a Stoogie.

"You know I'm gonna miss this place and my Marshmallow tree. In a way I wish this could go on for ever."

"Yeah I know the feeling Bobby however, I do plan to relocate the Twinkie tree into my lab."

"But Hank there's no soil in your lab, only metal and things that burn."

"Oh yeah" Hank responds looking slightly down in the mouth. "Do you want to sing Sinatra."

"Sure do buddy, sure do"

As the pair break into song the camera leaves the three mutants for the last time returning to focus on Scott.

"Ahem. Now let's break the news to the person in 3rd place." Scott turns to the screen showing the housemates, raising the microphone to his lips. "Housemates, the person in third place is…..Logan."

"Aw crud." Logan mutters before taking a drag on his stoogie. "Would like ta say it's been nice but ya know…" He trails off with a shrug.

"It would be a lie." Bobby finishes for him with a sage nod.

"Well…yeah" Logan concedes.

Hank steps forward, offering Logan an oversized hand. "Fare thee well Logan."

Logan stands by the door, impatiently tapping his foot waiting for it to open. Finally it opens to reveal an adoring crowd who Logan regards briefly before snorting. This, it appears, does not sit too well with some members of the crowd, most notably the ones closest the barrier. One girl with her hair pulled into a tight pony tail, flanked by a tall dark haired man with glasses and another tall man with sandy hair, sets off in a maddened, perhaps PMT induced, rampage.

"Look at him, little jumped up git! You know I have a good mind to show him just how high he could jump with a high voltage sent at his arse!"

The guys on either side of her step backwards, quickly hiding their blue furry 'Go Hank' signs, as Logan eyes their companion menacingly. It takes the girl a few seconds to register the look in his eyes, before running of with a quick; "EEEEEPPPP!"

With his prey out of sight Logan walks down the Big Brother 'walk of fame', '_Holding out for a hero'_ is playing in the background. In order to back up the image of Logan as a hero, a girl is seen holding up a sign reading '_Logan__; you can be my hero' _on the big screen.

Scott walks over to greet Logan with his Jean microphone as the smaller man approaches.

"Summers! What the hell you doin' 'ere?"

"Surprise! Good to see you to Logan" Scott greets mistaking Logan's growl for one of good cheer.

Logan merely grunt's in reply, stubbing out his cigar on the card cut out of Jean on the microphone.

"Now Logan that wasn't very nice!" Scott exclaims stepping back slightly.

"Really." Logan throws himself into the presenters chair and hooks his leg over its arm.

"Well erm…shall we get on with the interview?" Scott say's looking rather nervous.

"Yeah, but get on with it will ya? I've been cooped up in a house without as much as a sniff of a woman, if ya know what I'm getting at" Logan considers this for a moment, looking Scott over "Well_ you_ probably don't know"

"So Logan what was the atmosphere like in the house just before you left?" Scott fiddles self consciously with his cue cards.

"Ta be honest wit' yer, t' atmosphere was quiet relaxed. I think the Prozac Big Brother gave Bobby earlier is helping"

"We have seen you experience highs and lows during the time you were in the house, what would you say is the best experience you had during your time as a housemate?"

"Well I would say it had ta be in t' first day when I walked in on Raven having a shower, yeah that was a high point!" Logan says with a lecherous grin.

"And the lowest point for you in the house?"

"Now that has ta be the that Rogue got evicted as it not only left us with a moping Remy, but it also saw the last hope I had of getting my leg over." Logan's serious expression is broken as he begins waving to a buxom blonde at the front of the crowd, before making phone symbols; apparently urging her to call him.

"Ok Logan lets have a look at your best bits" Scott interrupts before turning to the screen.

Logan's best bits, it appears, consist of shots of him ogling the various female housemates. It also includes him squashing under his bed to grab Bobby's foot from under him as he walks past, in an effort to convince him of the validity of his ghost stories and a ten second shot of him singing with a cucumber microphone.

Logan chuckles at the close up of Bobby's face as his foot gets pulled from under him, before reddening at the shot of his Tom Jones impression.

"Logan, those were your best bits, now get yourself out of here!" Scott yells throwing his arms wide, maybe expecting a hug most probably not.

Logan grins for a moment, rubbing his stubble, before launching himself off of the stage into the audience. Unfortunately the crowd can not support his weight and drop him onto the hard tarmac.

"Ouch! That's got to have hurt" Scott comments sagely, before walking over to the big screen. "Now we are approaching the end of this epic adventure, it's time to see what the final two housemates have been getting up to while we have talked to Logan."

**Inside the Big ****Brotherhood****Mansion******

"If I win I will give half of my money to you and your research."

"Really Robert that is not necessary, but I really do hope you win. I did not come here for the money only to challenge the public's perception of so called evil mutants."

"You know what Hank? There is no one I would rather be in the final two with than you." Bobby smiles weakly before throwing an arm around Hank's expansive shoulders.

"I feel the same, my bovine companion." Hank grins

"Hank, I'm not a cow."

Hanks eyes grow round "I see you're not as empty headed as you have appeared over the last few weeks."

"You know Hank it's strange, I mean I don't normally act like such a big kid. It's like I have found it difficult to think in here, it's almost as if someone is messing with my brain."

"Now, Bobby that is mere speculation, its probably just some subconscious desire to play up to the cameras or something."

Bobby fails to look convinced however.

"Well either way Bobby I hope you win, no one deserves it more!" Hank continues cheerily.

_"Housemates the winner of X Big Brotherhood 2003 to 2004 is…."_

Bobby bites on a pillow to stop him from screaming at the tension, while Hank gets some party poppers ready.

_"BOBBY!"_

Hank proceeds to pop the part poppers over a tearful Bobby.

"Congratulations Bobby a nicer person couldn't have won!" Hank envelope's Bobby in a huge furry hug.

"_Hank, would you please make your way to the door and await eviction.__ Bobby please remain where you are for five minutes"_

"That voice is familiar…"

"No time for that now Hank, quick run this brush through your hair"

Hank does so quickly before once more congratulating Bobby. He makes his way to the door which swish's open upon his approach.

Hank step's out to a huge cry of cheer from the crowd and the sound of Eiffel 65's song '_I'm blue'._

Standing and beholding his adoring crowd for a while Hank face turns into one of puzzlement. This look disappears as quickly as it appeared however, as he makes a sweeping bow to the audience sending them into a frenzy.

"How does it feel to be a free man?" Scott asks Hank as he bounces into the interview seat.

"Don't recognise you from somewhere?" Hank puzzled look returns

"Yeah, I'm Scott Summers. I was in the house with you for a while."

"Really? I would have remembered an ugly face like yours I'm sure."

"Humph! Takes an ugly face to know one" Scott retorts angrily.

Hank's whimper of sadness is unexpected "I can't help it, it's my mutation."

"Oh…I'm sorry." Scott murmurs quietly, eyes downcast. "So Henry, what would you say was your all time favourite moment in the mansion?"

Hank perks up a bit as he begins to talk animatedly about the friends he has made in the mansion and his beloved Twinkie tree. The audience's eyes glaze over.

"And what were the worst bits?" Scott dares to interrupt Hank's declaration of joy at being a chosen contestant.

"You are a rude young man aren't you?" Hank looks at him disdainfully for a moment before sighing. "Ok, that would be when I got frozen in the bath by Bobby. It reminded me of that woolly mammoth they found in…"

Once again Hank rambles on and on until Scott has had enough. In a movement that Hank does not catch, as he describe the benefits of fur and the reproductive cycles of his girlfriend Trish Tilby, Scott beckons over Pete and Piotr.

Hank continues to talk even as Piotr grabs him by the legs and swings him over his shoulders; carrying him off into the crowd.

Scott gives what appears to be a silent prayer to god in thanks before straightening his shades.

"Now, ladies and gentleman of the audience, it is time to enter the Big Brotherhood Mansion and meet the winner of X-Big Brotherhood 2003-4"

Scott leaps and bounds to the house, his enthusiasm rubbing off on the audience.

"Bobby! Cooeeee!" Scott yells throwing open the door, when he hears no reply he look around tentatively. "Bobby where are you?"

"In the garden!" Comes Bobby's reply finally.

The younger mutant can be seen swinging upside down on the branch of Twinkie tree.

"So Bobby how does it feel to be…." Scott can not finish his sentence however as a dull thud and a curse can be heard behind him.

It appears that Magneto (seemingly recovered from the bonfire incident) has come floating into the Big Brotherhood mansion; unfortunately he didn't float quite high enough and tripped over the fence.

"Magneto!" Scott gasp, clapping his hands to his face.

Bobby looks unperturbed as he waves slightly to the former housemate before slipping into an almost catatonic state.

"Oh my God! Look! It's a big red dish rag coming right for us!" Scott screams in terror before feinting.

The red dish rag however seems to be Jean Grey who is telekinetically lifting herself over the fence into the garden.

"Bobby quick you have to snap out of it!" Jeans voice is low before she telekinetically slaps Bobby around the face, bringing him back to the land of the living.

As is synchronised Scott also staggers back upright after his feinting attack. "Bloody corset must be too tight." He mumbles under his breath, before adding "Happened to the Victorians all the time"

"Jean but you are…dead" Bobby says "Oh my god I've got a Six Sense like that kid from the movie!"

"Are you forgetting who I am Bobby? I am Jean Grey-Summers coming back from the dead is how I make my living!"

"We are here to inform you that grave discrepancies have been going on in this Big Brotherhood house, especially in concerns to this young one" Magneto speaks for the first time and with the air of authority.

"Oh my dear lord no…not FORNICATION!" Scott looks as if he is on the verge of another feinting spell.

"No it appears several housemates have been psychically manipulated in order to see which stereotype would win over the public's hearts" Jean continues the story pushing a stray piece of hair behind her ear.

"But what could such a brute possibly hope to gain from such venture?" Bobby asks.

"The brute in question is one Professor Charles Xavier, who is currently hunting for the perfect P.R. person for the group of mutant outlaws the X-men"

"So what you're telling me is this Xavier (if that_ is _his real name) has been manipulating housemates as an experiment…a test run if you will?" Scott says catching onto the direction of the conversation.

Suddenly a low pitch humming is heard, as the camera pans around the mysterious manipulator is revealed. Professor Charles Xavier makes his way across the lawn in his electric wheelchair careful to avoid the potholes.

"Gentlemen, meet the manipulator!" Jean indicates the bald man who has come to a stop at Jeans red leather clad feet.

"Ha so my plan was a success. It seems as if the innocent, childlike qualities I brought out in Bobby are what tug's at the audiences heart strings!"

"While I think you are sick, I must quite admire you plan. It is one worthy of the Master of Magnetism himself!" Erik voice resounds loud and clear in the garden area of the Big Brotherhood Mansion.

"I would have gotten away with it too if it wasn't for you meddling kids" Xavier laments shaking his fist, seconds pass as Piotr and Pete (the latter with a love bite on his jaw) make their way over to the old man and wheel him away.

"Oh man I feel like I can finally think straight for the first time since entering the house. I know how it must have felt for Hank to have been stripped of his intelligence now." Bobby says somewhat solemnly

"Yeah I know what you mean Bobby, I can finally take control of my own thoughts" Scott gushes bending down to pick up his microphone.

"Scott, you know I love you very much. But I feel I must inform you, you were not one of the ones being manipulated." Jean informs him sadly, throwing an arm over his shoulder, by means of comfort.

"You mean I'm not the stereotypical naturist."

Jean and Eric shake their heads as his sadly.

"Ok so if I wasn't being manipulated then who was?"

"Big Brother himself for one, Bobby, Victor, Ororo, Logan, Mystique and on occasion Remy and Rogues feeling's for each other were toyed with." Jean ticked them off on her fingers "Oh and I was too."

"You mean Jubilation was really that annoying naturally?" Bobby asks in amazement.

"What about you Erik were you manipulated?" Scott asks pushing his glasses up his nose.

"Sadly, I fear, I was not." Erik admits somewhat shame facedly remembering his spat as the Conquistador.

Scott suddenly seems to remember something and looks quickly at his watch.

"What a night it has been here on the final night of X-Big Brotherhood, but I'm afraid we have run out of time we shall hand you over to the news just as soon as we have given Bobby his winning cheque". As if from no where, Scott produces a large cheque from behind his back.

"So that would explain why he acts like he has a stick up his butt." Eric comments under his breath.

Suddenly as if from nowhere the smell of burning can be smelt by the occupants of the garden as Bobby cheque goes up in smoke.

_"KAT!"___

It is thus, with the sound of cursing and little girls screeching that X-Big Brotherhood 2004-2005 closes.

**A year on from X-Big Brotherhood.******

A year on the band of merry mutants has experienced both the highs and lows of fame.

After a number one single entitled 'Mystique the s', Hell Reaper disappeared into reality T.V. oblivion.

After the split Hank became the face of the Twinkie, advertising them anyway he can, either by sporting wrappers as an accessory or appearing on infomercials on the benefits of the sugary snack.

Bobby returned to his normal frame of mind was devastated by the split of the band that made him an over night sex magnet. He is currently in rehab.

Victor, surprised to learn that Mystique had remained celibate in honour of him during his stint in the Big Brotherhood mansion, is now considering making an honourable person of her and signing her up to vote.

Mystique on the other hand is spending more time to reacquaint herself with her children, except Graydon who she is getting an assassin to kill.

Erik now runs the biggest terrorist group the world has known. On Sundays however, he takes a well deserved rest and visits his old friend Charles Xavier in prison and challenges him to games of 'Rock, paper, scissors.'

Logan, still high on the adrenaline of fame, turns up to all the showbiz parties and gets snubbed by the all A-lister's who attend. All, that is, except the cheap red head that can be found at every venue.

Ororo has never been seen since her disappearance, her spirit however has had a guest appearance on the X-files.

Remy and Rogue got married briefly. Unfortunately due to a misunderstanding, Remy is now residing in the Antarctic.

Jean has since died and come back again three times, much to the chagrin of her husband Scott who now does guest appearances as the drag queen Olivio.

Kat has since disappeared back into the hole from whence she came.

Jubilee now has a kitten called Gloss.

**Ok that's all folks, hope y'all enjoyed the ride. Leave me a review and let me know what you thought of the final! Watch out for more reality T.V. X-men specials by Anything But ordianary3 (if I can get my ideas down on paper!)**


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